After nearly a decade the Gilmore Girls are officially back. We certainly have a lot of catching up to do. So make some coffee, coffee, coffee and prepare yourself for six hours of fast-talking fun with Lorelai, Rory and Emily Gilmore.
Episode 1: “Winter”
The first thing we hear Lorelai say in the revival is the first thing we ever heard Lorelai say while fixin' for some coffee: “Please, Luke. Please, please, please!” This trip down memory lane launches us into a montage of the show’s greatest auditory moments: “Copper boom!” Luke is all in. “Oy with the poodles already.” It’s not Carole King, but Sam Phillips’ la la la’s that lull us out of this nostalgic dream and back to Stars Hollow where, in 2016, the town seems especially crowded. People are taking selfies by the gazebo with their iPhones that weren’t even available the last time we visited the town.
Behind that selfie-taking couple sits Lorelai holding a Luke’s to-go coffee cup, taking in the beauty of the snow before Rory joins her. “That’s the way you look when you get off a plane?” Lorelai asks. “That’s how you say hello?" Rory responds. And we’re off to the races again.
Lorelai launches into a caffeine-fueled rant that proves she hasn’t lost it — and neither has creator/writer Amy Sherman-Palladino. We’re not even two minutes in and Lorelai’s already made an Anne Hathaway Les Mis joke and a Goop reference, as in: Rory has been “Gooped,” a verb meaning she’s been brainwashed by Gwyneth Paltrow and her $15,000 sex toys. The two haven’t seen each other in a while. “It feels like years,” Rory says, but as we already can see, it’s like riding a bike with these two.
Rory’s in town for one day before grabbing the red-eye to London for work and boy, do they have a lot to do. She needs a town tour — or, more accurately, we do — which includes a walk and talk that lets us know Al’s Pancake World won (again) for best Christmas decorations thanks to an eggplant Jesus. Taylor Doose wants the town to go full-on sewer instead of individual septic tanks. And Rory wants a phone that works in Stars Hollow. Lorelai just wants to stop walking because she’s hit her steps. Since when does she care about something silly like her health?
This walk through town gives us a brief look at all the Stars Hollowians we love. Miss Patty is still teaching dance. Lane is stressing out over Zack getting a promotion at a job where he has to wear a tie. “I tell him he looks like a young Leonard Cohen, but he actually just looks like his dad,” she tells Rory. Kirk has started a new ride-share company that he’s calling “Ooober.” He also has a pet pig named Petal, given to him by the town after he and Lulu said they were thinking of having a baby. “We figured it bought us a couple of years,” Lorelai explains to Rory.
Sherman-Palladino warned everyone that Stars Hollow will look a little different, but so far everything pretty much looks the same, including Lorelai’s house. Now it just includes Luke, who is excitedly waiting to see Rory, “the New Yorker writer.” “It was only one Talk Of The Town piece,” Rory explains, but it’s already clear she hasn’t been slacking in the years since she left to join some guy named Barack Obama on the presidential campaign trail. Luke is a proud dad, gushing over the piece, which is as sweet as those mini-doughnuts he does not want Rory eating before dinner.
Luckily, the two can camp out in Rory’s room, which is now full of the boxes that used to fill her Brooklyn apartment. This is Rory’s time to follow the story and not worry about where she calls home. Though, she is worried about where her underwear and her lucky outfit went. As Lorelai points out though, any outfit without underwear is likely a lucky outfit.
Rory needs this particular outfit that makes her feel like Diane Sawyer because she’s meeting with Conde Nast. But, first she has to figure out why Paul is here. You know, Paul, Rory’s boyfriend. Let’s talk about Paul for a second, shall we? He’s there for a dinner Rory invited him to but totally forgot about. He’s brought flowers and wears a sport coat and shares fun facts about Peru and he’s a rather awkward kisser. Let’s just call it like we see it, this guy is not right for her. Rory knows it, Lorelai knows it, we know it, but unfortunately, Paul doesn’t seem to know it yet. Paul is the Ann Hog of this series. “Who?” is all Lorelai can muster about the guy Rory’s been dating for two years. Two. Years.
What is hard to forget is Lorelai’s taste in TV, which includes Lifetime Original Movies that she watches to keep from having dirty bathroom dreams. This night, it’s actually Rory’s stress tap dancing that wakes her up. What is clear is Rory’s job is making her a bit jittery and the late-night coffee breaks aren’t helping. Lorelai is thinking about her mortality and wondering if she should go on a cruise. Rory asks exactly what we’re all thinking, D oes this have to do with Richard? Lorelai isn’t ready to talk about it and all we get is a sheepish “maybe” and a toast to absent friends
With a shot of Luke’s new sign outlawing texting and man buns it’s a new day. One that reveals the diner has Wi-Fi and a new menu, complete with Rory’s New Yorker story, and that Luke lives with Lorelai. Over at the Dragonfly Inn, Michel is filling us in on his husband, who now, after five years, has decided he wants children. We also find out that their chef-less kitchen is hosting pop-ups. Lorelai isn’t happy about the food truck guy Roy Choi (played by real life food truck guy Roy Choi.) Lorelai likes what she likes, and what she likes is Sookie in the kitchen. Not April Bloomfield, not Alice Waters, and definitely not Anthony Bourdain, who had the gall to park in Sookie’s spot.
Sookie’s been gone a year now after saying she needed a “six month sabbatical” to clear her head, and Michel, for one, feels abandoned. Sookie’s up in the woods doing something Lorelai can’t really explain, but sounds very farm-to-table. Let’s put a pin in the Sookie talk though because Lorelai’s beloved jeep is in the shop and she needs to get to Hartford. Guess who needs an Ooober?
After all these years and maids, Lorelai still doesn’t want to deal with Emily alone, who is too happy to see Rory to nitpick Lorelai or her maid Berta, whose family is living with her. Emily, like everyone else, doesn’t remember Rory’s boyfriend, Egg or Paul or whatever his name is. Oh, and she also has a full wall portrait of Richard hanging in the sitting room. It’s to match his presence, Emily says, but Lorelai believes she gave the painter the wrong measurements, which leads us to the first fight of the revival. Cue all the Lord Of The Rings references and Emily storming out of the room. So no, Emily and Lorelai’s relationship is not exactly in a better place and there’s a reason why
We learn this in a flashback from Richard’s funeral four months earlier. It’s also where we see Jason Stiles and learn that Richard’s death was sudden, Lorelai’s happy, and she has no good memories to share about her dad. “You have nothing but contempt for this family,” Emily tells her in the kitchen after Lorelai shares a story of Richard leaving her in a steamer trunk. “You blow through life like a natural disaster knocking down everything and everyone in your path. I wonder if Luke knew what he was getting into with you.”
Here it seems as if Emily is speaking directly to all those fans who think Lorelai is actually the worst, even providing some ammo for that debate. Emily asks Lorelai if she ever discussed having children with Luke, but Emily answers for her: No, Lorelai Gilmore doesn’t care about anyone but herself. “God help you if she thinks you wronged her,” Emily says. “She will hold on to that grudge forever just waiting for that moment to get back at you.”
Then we’re back in Emily’s present day living room where Lorelai admits that was the last time they spoke. But tonight, with an Ooober-less Kirk at the table, the Gilmore girls will eat and talk about Rory’s Jack Kerouac lifestyle. Not even an awkward Luke — who’s the chauffeur, not a guest at this dinner — will keep Emily from wondering how a 32-year-old woman with a college degree could live such an Inside Llewyn Davis existence. Kudos on that reference, Emily. Rory doesn’t take this criticism to heart, but lets Emily know she’s busier than she’s ever been and knows what she’s doing. Do you really though, Rory?
From one smart daughter to another, we get our first mention of April, who is off at MIT and the only kid who still writes letters. It’s also the perfect segue for Lorelai to ask Luke if he ever wanted a “fresh kid.” It’s a question that seems a little late in the game for these two. Lorelai, admitting that the Twickham house (season 5) was the last time Luke and her talked about kids, certainly doesn’t give me any added confidence in their communication skills.
It’s then that Luke tells Lorelai, “Well, nobody gets to have everything they want in life. All in all, I think I did pretty good.” Luke isn’t sad to admit that, but yet, there is something sad about it and Lorelai knows it. You can see it on her face. Or, maybe it’s that there’s something very adult about that statement. The Gilmores have grown up and even in the magical Stars Hollow dreams don’t always come true. Sometimes you have to settle for pretty good. I feel kind of sad even writing that.
With babies on the brain Lorelai and Luke go shopping for surrogates, since he doesn’t want to adopt. (“I don’t want to go to Bangladesh for a baby. I don’t want to go to Woodbury for a light bulb.”) It’s clear Emily’s words have struck a nerve and Lorelai is now trying to overcompensate for all the things she believes Luke didn’t have because of her. This includes a baby and a picture window.
The trip to find a surrogate leads us to Paris Geller. She has her name on the door at Dynasty Makers, the largest surrogacy clinic in the Western hemisphere. Paris is still Paris, but now she’s in charge of people’s babies and for Lorelai, she’s not going to let any “bottle service bimbo” carry her child — or Neil Patrick Harris’ for that matter. Luke is just really uncomfortable with this whole thing and gives the whole baby thing a very fertile “no.”
In jolly ol’ London, Rory is having a much more positive lunch with a fellow journalist Naomi Shropshire ( ER ’s Alex Kingston), who is looking for someone to help her write her memoir. Rory comes out of this meeting excited and ready to tell the world, but for now she’s spilling her guts to Logan Huntzberger. Gone are the turtlenecks of his college days. This Logan is way more chic with no suit of armor in sight. The kiss they share is intriguing, could it be that she’s secretly dating her ex without her mom knowing?
Rory sent some boxes there, hinting it’s pretty serious. But she also questions if it’s okay to look in his closet in case there’s some other woman’s stuff there too. These two are back to their early college days of just dating, no strings attached. “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas,” Rory says in a way that almost makes me believe her. Almost.
Back at Luke’s the Wi-Fi password has been changed (again), but turns out that ever-changing Wi-Fi password is bogus. We should have known Luke didn’t want people checking their Facebook in his diner. It’s Taylor who lets the cat out of the bag and wins Luke over in the process. Their truce may be in the name of a town septic tank, but it’s still kind of sweet. What’s not so sweet is Paris letting us know Doyle and her have called it quits because he’s now a screenwriter who wears jeans and flies out to the coast. “As if this isn’t a coast,” Paris says before making it clear she’s going to kill him in court despite him being the father of her kids. Yes, plural.
Rory is now at Lane’s, which looks a lot like Sookie’s place except with drums. Rory’s going through her boxes to find that lucky outfit of hers. An hour and 15 minutes into the episode and still no sign of it. But, we’ve found Brian, Gil and Zack, who looks like a real dad.
Oh, and Rory is definitely not telling Lorelai about Logan, but she is trying to get her mom to talk to Emily after a fight. “Have you ever imagined a grandma without a grandpa?” Rory asks. In the span of that quick chat, Rory’s Conde Nast meeting gets rescheduled and Paul, oh Paul, is trying to get in contact with her. Let’s all hope she breaks up with him before spring.
Lorelai takes Rory’s advice and goes to visit a jean-wearing Emily, who seems to be having an everything must go sale. Emily is taking a page from Marie Kondo’s book and decluttering. She’s letting go of anything that doesn’t bring her joy, which, turns out, is nearly everything she owns. After taking off those jeans, what Lorelai really wants is for Emily to mourn, really mourn. “I don’t know how to do this,” Emily says. “Live my life.”
What we’re quickly learning is none of the Gilmores do right now. Lorelai is with Luke, who she’s not married to. Despite telling her mom she’s practically married, Emily says they’re just “roommates” and couldn’t possibly understand losing a husband of 50 years. Lorelai lets that one go and encourages her mom to go to therapy. It’s a sincere ask and part of Lorelai’s attempt to be better. She’s learning to compromise, which let’s face it, she’s very bad at. She’s still passive aggressively trying to keep the surrogate talk going despite Luke saying no. This is as surprising as hearing Kirk’s Ooober business got a cease and desist from Uber, which it did.
The nicest thing to come out of this rather harsh winter is Emily thanking Lorelai for getting her into therapy. For the very first time Emily took Lorelai’s advice and that is the only explanation for her unknowingly agreeing to go to therapy with her mother. This should be, um, fun?
Episode 2: “Spring”
A ticking clock is all that’s heard when we first see Emily, arms crossed on a couch, sitting next to Lorelai, who says, “I would like to say I was wrong. And I’m very, very sorry.” It’s a blanket apology for anything that she should be sorry for. “Is that allowed?” Emily asks their therapist, Claudia, who assures her that anything is allowed here — even quoting Alanis Morissette, which Lorelai does.
This is therapy with the Gilmores, where the two fight about who’s winning, despite Claudia letting them know she’s not taking score. Lorelai whispering the question of how much time they have left nearly every 10 minutes is the only thing that breaks the deafening silence. Claudia believes their silence speaks volumes. And what do you know, time is up and Lorelai’s getting guilted into coming back next Tuesday.
If that was the appetizer, Stars Hollow’s International Spring Food Festival is the main course. Rory is back and she’s already talking about leaving. Taylor is worried the fest isn’t international enough, since only 15 out of 195 countries actually showed up. Lane is manning the Korean table while Mrs. Kim trains her new choir, which is using way too much toilet paper for her taste. The long-lost Mr. Kim finally appears, as does Jackson, sans Sookie.
Rory is still taking calls, this time from Sandee, who runs the website SandeeSays. According to her, it will take over the Huffington Post in a year. But not without Rory Gilmore, who ends up back in London with Naomi, who wants to bite her cheeks. She’s eccentric! She’s also very hard to pin down, as is Rory’s relationship with Logan. She’s having lunch to talk about Naomi and her drunken pronunciation of “escalus.” Rory took this job because Naomi broke barriers in the field of journalism, but Logan says the five-martini lunch Rory just had with her sounds about right. It’s clear: the great meeting she had in winter faded in the spring. And that meeting with Condé Nast? It’s been pushed back once again.
To make this meal even worse, Logan and Rory are joined by Mitchum Huntzberger, who is the kind of guy who will eat the fries right off your plate while offering to call Condé Nast for you. Rory says no thanks. His appearance gets even more infuriating after he reveals Logan is engaged to a girl named Odette. Once a cad, always a cad.
The first town meeting reveals that Stars Hollow is having its first Pride Parade, which makes up for the show’s major LGBTQ problem. That is, until we hear that the town is thinking of canceling it because there aren’t not enough gays in town. Taylor’s even asking neighboring towns to lend them some for the parade — all while the town is trying to figure out if Taylor is gay. Luke kind of speaks for me here: “Is this really happening?” Yes it is, but it feels like in 2016, it shouldn’t be.
The meeting also informs us that a big Hollywood movie is being filmed in Woodbury. Matthew McConaughey is buying three newspapers a day, while Stars Hollow is only getting the B-level stars who just aren’t adding enough to the economy. Michel is concerned — this means the Dragonfly has peaked. “What’s the point of living if we can’t bag Jennifer Lawrence?” he asks. Truth.
Liz has joined a cult and I can’t say I’m surprised. What is surprising is Luke’s outburst about things growing. When Lorelai talks about Michel’s concerns about the Dragonfly being too small, he immediately blows up. “Why does everything need to grow? If something’s good, why not keep it the same? No, you don’t need more.” Um, okay...overreaction much?
Paul Anka returns. Not dog Paul Anka, but real Paul Anka, who’s in Lorelai’s dream for the third time this year, as she tells Rory over the phone. She’s worried Michel is leaving. Sookie has already left her in her buddy venture and all she has left is Michel, her Paris, and her “angry friend.” What Lorelai doesn’t realize is her other best friend, Rory, isn’t being too honest with her either. Lorelai still thinks that Rory is staying with a British friend named DiDi and not Logan. But now is not the time for her to worry about this, since she’s got another therapy session to attend.
Lorelai hasn’t learned anything. She even attempts that same lame apology from before, which Emily is just not having. So it’s silence until a fade to black. Once we’re back, it’s a rare scene: Emily and Lorelai laughing together. Unfortunately, Trombone Stan can’t keep Emily from wanting to talk about Lorelai leaving. “Are we really going to go back over this ancient history again?” Lorelai asks. But when did they ever really talk about this? Sure, they’ve fought over it, but actually talking about it? That would be something new. These ladies are going to actually talk about their problems, because with an hour and a half and no commercial breaks to worry about, there’s time for these two to actually talk. That is, if there session wasn’t over. Now, we’re left wondering if Lorelai really wrote Emily a rude letter that she’s still upset about. But hello, this is foreshadowing at its finest.
It’s time to head back to London, where Rory’s having a heated call with Naomi, who, yes, is a real handful. I’m going to say it now: Rory’s got to get out of this book, which is clearly more trouble than it’s worth. She seems to know this, too, and is having Logan assess SandeeSays, which he says is not the New Yorker, but the fact that it wants Rory means that someone is trying to “class the joint up.” These words all sound so nice, until Logan lets Rory know she can’t really stay with him anymore, because Odette’s coming to town. Wouldn’t want your fiancée to find out about your girlfriend, now would you? Definitely not Team Logan over here. More Team Rory Needs To Find Someone Better Before Spring.
A trip to the Black, White, & Read Movie Theater gives us the premiere of Kirk’s second short film about a man and his pig, which is rudely interrupted by a phone call from Emily. Weird thing is, she’s calling Luke to invite just him to dinner next week. Even weirder? The fact that Rachael Ray is hanging out in the Dragonfly kitchen. Actually, scratch that, not as weird as Luke heading to Hartford to discuss the money Richard left him in his will. It can only be used to expand or franchise the diner. Remember when Richard told him to franchise Luke’s way back in season 5? Turns out, he’s still not taking no for an answer.
The next morning has Rory standing in front of Chilton, which once looked so big when she was there in uniform, but just looks kind of cozy now. Rory is there for an alumni event, but before that, she’s giving a lecture to a class. Rory is a natural in front of the room, while Paris is well, Paris. The class she’s speaking to looks horrified by her “kill or be killed” approach. “I’m not in the habit of quoting Joseph Stalin” is just one of the gems from her speech that these kids will need therapy to get over. But Paris has her own nightmarish moment when she catches a glimpse of Tristan ( not played by Chad Michael Murray) hitting on another alumna.
It’s a side of Paris we haven’t seen since high school. The vulnerable, lonely, sad Paris. But she’s no longer a high schooler, which makes this feeling hard for her to comprehend. After all the degrees — she’s a doctor, lawyer, dental technician, and an expert in neoclassical architecture — and “subtle nips and tucks,” Paris can’t get rid of Paris Geller. “I’m a phony,” she says, revealing that her briefcase holds nothing and her kids hate her, but love the nanny. Sound familiar?
Soon, Francie is joining them in a bathroom, where she gets an earful from Paris. Basically, it’s all the things Paris should have said back in 2003 when she was class president. But now, she’s just dealing with a divorce and preparing for a panel at the 92nd Street Y, where Lena Dunham is the moderator. (Yep, that is reference No. 2.) These characters may be older, but they’re still holding on to some of their youth.
With Rory, it’s her dream of being Christiane Amanpour. It’s no surprise that Headmaster Charleston wants to know if Rory’s ever thought of getting her master’s and becoming a teacher. They have a spot open in any department for her, should she choose to accept it. Like Emily, Charleston is concerned about her living here and there and not living up to her potential. Rory’s worried teaching means she’s given up.
After a visit to Paris’ brownstone, where we see screenwriter Doyle, Rory is ready to take Mitchum’s offer. Lucky outfit is still MIA, but Rory has finally made it to that Condé Nast meeting, where the editors at GQ are comparing her to David Foster Wallace and offering her a story on lines and the psychology of the people who are waiting in them. It’s not a job. She leaves the meeting a little defeated.
Emily is feeling this way about therapy, too. She calls it quits. This is actually a good thing. Finally, Lorelai will have to talk about some of the uncomfortable things from her past. She tells the story of the day Richard died: she was working on the books at the inn when she got a call from Emily. It was a heart attack. “A big one.” He never left the ICU, but Lorelai remembers him being in and out of consciousness and angry. His last words were, “Get the hell away from me.” It’s funny, Lorelai says of those words he spoke to his nurses, but she never got her moment to say goodbye like in those Lifetime movies. She talks about being married, which didn’t end badly, but admits should have never happened. “It was supposed to be Luke,” she says before she tells Claudia, “Luke and I are happy.” Maybe once more with feeling?
At the moment, Luke is definitely not happy — he’s with Emily and a realtor. Now, here’s where I wonder, Why didn’t Richard leave this money to Lorelai to expand the Dragonfly? But Emily’s already off and running to steal a restaurant from someone who is going bankrupt. She is also happy to learn that Lorelai doesn’t tell Luke anything, either, including the fact that Emily quit therapy. When Luke asks Lorelai about the session while she watches A History of Violence (Luke is so Viggo Mortensen), she tells him that Emily did most of the talking. Uh-oh. Real talk here: Luke is making me very sad. He seems trapped and unable to tell anyone how he feels and how he’s uninterested in moving forward.
While Luke’s off making a sad salad, Rory’s on a call with Naomi’s lawyer (Jason Mantzoukas), who is sending the paperwork to dissolve the contract. Another dead end for Rory, who’s ready to write about lines. She did make a parking lot interesting for The Franklin, so maybe she can pull this off, too? First, she needs to do a little stress tapping — then, she’ll be right on top of that Rose.
Lorelai’s joined her in an escape to New York that is filled with lines, so many lines. Luckily, coffee is also there as Rory attempts to tell the story of those people who are waiting for the new cronut. It’s soooo interesting that she falls asleep mid-interview and wakes up to find Mae Whitman. Rory needs some sleep, but, instead, she sleeps with a Wookie. It’s her first one-night stand and she’s freaking out. It makes her think she’s behind. She has no job or apartment and we’re finally getting that Rory we remember. The list-maker who’s got it all planned out. Except this time, she has no list. She’s flailing. She’s also ready to talk about Logan, who’s engaged to a French heiress. “That’s way sluttier than a one-night stand,” Lorelai tells her daughter before admitting she actually had that lucky outfit (red dress, full skirt) the whole time. Lorelai is confused on why she didn’t tell her about Logan, but really, Lorelai, are you? When was the last time you told Emily about a relationship, huh? Rory has Lorelai’s eyes, but there’s other, less attractive, things she’s inherited, too.
SandeeSays is looking good right about now, but Rory needs to sell herself. She’s having a hard time doing that. She showed up with no pitches, which seems a little presumptuous. It’s why Sandee’s going with a two-month veteran like Kaitlin and Rory is shouting “Get Shorty” in an elevator bank. That lucky dress wasn’t all that lucky, after all. Rory’s throwing away her phones and starting over. She’s moving back to Stars Hollow and Lorelai couldn’t be more concerned.
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