Teen Mom OG star Maci Bookout got the wedding of her dreams this year, and fans of her reality show got to see the real-life Nicholas Sparks moment play out on the November 28 finale of Teen Mom OG.
Bookout wed Taylor McKinney during an intimate ceremony on October 8, and it was certainly a celebration of love. The bride and mom of three wore a stunning rose-gold dress, had her children as ring bearers, and ushered in her married life with fellow OG Teen Moms Amber Portwood and Catelynn Lowell in attendance.
It was Bookout's vows — which she read with shaking hands — that left fans in a puddle of tears. Staring at McKinney, she opened up about the struggles she faced in her life.
"I was a single mom with a hidden heart. A sarcastic, stubborn young woman trying to beat the odds with the entire world watching my every move. And I happened to live 800 miles away [from McKinney.] I remember wondering which part of me and my story would scare you away first. But you never ran away and you never doubted us," Bookout says with tears in her eyes.
She then explained how her now-husband choosing to leave his hometown to continue a relationship with the reality star sealed the deal:
"The summer you left everything you had ever known and moved to Tennessee is when you confirmed what I had hoped for all along. That perfect love will always conquer fear."
So... anyone else feeling all the feels right now? Twitter certainly is:
@MaciBookoutMTV Maci! Your vows literally made me ball my eyes out! You looked so beautiful! Congratulations! It was so precious! ♡♡♡
Once you've picked out your class and go-to mat, your challenge is to somehow choose a pair of pants to wear for yoga.
Of course, you want them to be comfortable. But do you want bold colors or an edgy black-and-mesh combo? Are you looking for all the wicking, fancy seams, and key pockets you can get? Or are you after something more polished and brunch-worthy?
Seriously, these are some tough choices. But whether you're ready to master a headstand, taking a few deep breaths in child's pose, or just looking for something versatile, we've got you — and your legs — covered. Click through to find your next favorite pair. And check back as we continue to update this post with new faves!
A wide waistband keeps these snug in all the right places. And the mesh details just look cool.
Yes, these are definitely eye-catching. But they also have the tech to make all that attention worth it: a sturdy waistband, plus mesh ventilation in all the right places.
So far, we've seen some very cinematic holiday films turned out from fashion retailers. There's Burberry's ambitious short and H&M's Wes Anderson-directed spot. Now, Aritzia has its own festive video, and what it lacks in Hollywood wattage it makes up for in zany choreography.
British photographer Charlotte Wales shot the short, which stars model Andreea Diaconu decked out in the kind of outfits that tend to dominate our closets around this time of year. There are glimmering, party-ready getups, geared toward, say, cocktail parties or New Year's Eve, as well as cozy-looking knits and oversized separates destined for Netflix marathons and dessert comas. Diaconu whips out her finest (read: awesomely weird) dance moves as she shimmies around an opulent mansion.
As for the soundtrack, it's a riff on "The Dance of the Reed Flutes" from The Nutcracker, which, to make things meta, was remixed by Callie Reiff, who starred in the classic holiday ballet when she was 10 years old. (Reiff is now a 16-year-old DJ/blogger/model, naturally.)
The Canadian retailer skipped out on a full-on holiday video last year, instead opting for a gift guide (and the year before, it went the feel-good route to ring in the season). Check out the full clip for ample outfit and/or dance-floor inspo, below.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
A new amendment to an Illinois law will turn the unique relationship between hairdressers and their customers into an opportunity for safe disclosures. Come January 2017, all hairstylists working in the state will be trained to recognize signs of domestic violence and provide support for survivors, reportsThe Independent.
"When you’re a hairdresser, you're touching people first. I'll start touching your hair before I really even start talking to you. It’s really close. It’s one of the highest-touch industries, which creates a bond with your clients," hairdresser and survivor Jamie Feramisco told the Herald-Whig.
Salon owner Lynn Surr, who spoke with local radio station WQAD, said that, even though these relationships are very close, the clients may view their hairstylists as separate from their personal lives. This can actually encourage them to open up more: "We are neutral. We're not their best friend; we're not their spouse; we're not their child or mother, so they will share things with us."
This law might be the first of its kind in the U.S., but it's hardly the first time someone's noted that hair salons can be safe spaces for domestic violence survivors. The Cut It Out program has been training stylists across the country in domestic violence support techniques for over a decade, and law enforcement officials have pointed to salons as one of the few places female survivors may feel comfortable enough to open up about abuse at home.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence states that domestic violence is any kind of abusive behavior (physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional) between intimate partners. It doesn't always look the same for everyone, but it's almost always rooted in a need for control and power over another person. The effects of domestic violence can be psychological, physical, or even fatal.
According to the NCADV, one in three women and one in four men in the U.S. have experienced some form of physical abuse at the hands of an intimate partner. In the state of Illinois, nearly 65,800 intimate violence incidents were reported in 2014. And hopefully, hairstylists can make sure more of these incidents reach law enforcement and more survivors get help. Although the amended law won't require stylists to report what they're told, they'll be prepared to offer support and direct survivors to the right crisis centers or groups.
"The whole idea is to help hairdressers deal with disclosures," JJ Magliocco of the Illinois domestic violence charity Quanada told the Herald-Whig. "We are teaching them that they can make a difference. They don’t have to keep their mouth shut."
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224 for confidential support.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
If you haven’t heard of Hamilton, you’ve probably been marooned on a desert island. Or you live in a media-free compound without newspapers, magazines, Facebook, Twitter, running water, or electricity. Or perhaps you have been in a coma and just woke up? Well, hello there and welcome to the Hamilton frenzy!
Hamilton is one of the most successful Broadway musicals, ever. The show is estimated to gross an incredible $100 million in ticket sales in 2016, with weekly ticket sales ending November 27 totaling a record breaking $3.3 million, making it the highest-grossing week for a single show in Broadway’s history.
Created by Lin-Manuel Miranda, the hip-hop musical based on the life of Alexander Hamilton debuted on Broadway in 2015, and quickly became an American obsession. The show sold out its entire off-Broadway run, and tickets were expensive and elusive. Fans camped out overnight. People waited for eons in the cancellation line or paid up to $2,500 for a ticket from resellers.
Which is why it may shock a few people (ahem, New Yorkers) to learn that not everyone is wild about the show. For most Hamilton fans, the idea that anyone out there could even think of starting a #BoycottHamilton hashtag is preposterous. And yet, it happened. And it could be a sign of a larger anti- Hamilton movement out there, beyond the confines of the tristate bubble. Hamilton 's upcoming national tour across sixteen U.S. cities is giving new hope and excitement to its fans across America. My girls have already begged for tickets to the Washington, D.C. show at the Kennedy Center, which does not begin for another 19 months. Admittedly, I will do whatever it takes to get these tickets — contact friends on the Kennedy Center Board, camp out, or hit up the ticket brokers. We are in a state of collective Hamilton desperation in my house. But outside of New York and D.C., there are signs of trouble.
Are avid Hamilton fans living in a bubble? Is it the same bubble that has divided our country into “I’m With Her” and “Make America Great Again” factions?
Last week at a Hamilton performance in Chicago, a Trump supporter disrupted the musical by shouting, "We won! You lost! Get over it! Fuck you,” when the cast began singing, "Immigrants / We get the job done," which is one of Miranda's most inspiring political references. The rabble-rouser continued his rant for two songs until he was removed from the theater.
The Chicago disrupter caused the scene a day after Vice President-elect Mike Pence saw Hamilton in New York. During that evening's curtain call, cast member Brandon Victor Dixon, along with the rest of the ensemble, delivered an articulate public plea to Mr. Pence on behalf of the multiracial cast about their concerns with the Trump administration. Pence was gracious. Trump was outraged and tweeted about it (as he does), demanding an apology several times. Apologize for freedom of speech? Not going to happen.
A quick scan of social media gives us a glimpse into the #BoycottHamilton campaign and may signal less-than-record-breaking runs for the tour in more rural areas.
Deplorables, please do #BoycottHamilton - you won't like it. It's NYC. Too many Whites liking Blacks liking Latinos liking Gays liking Women
And incredibly, The PrivateBank Theater in Chicago is showing a healthy Hamilton ticket availability — even for tonight’s show — starting at a reasonable price point of $155 for balcony seats. This may be a reflection of a different, more conservative Midwestern audience.
This Chicago kerfuffle begs the question — are avid Hamilton fans living in a bubble? Is it the same bubble that has divided our country into “I’m With Her” and “Make America Great Again” factions? The Hamilton -lovers in NYC, D.C., L.A., Miami, and San Francisco tend to believe in diversity, the right to choose, pay equity, gun safety, universal health care, religious freedom, LGBT and human rights. Many of the folks in rural America, in the red states, do not feel the same level of passion about these issues. Many of them voted for Trump.
Our more conservative American friends want to exercise a veto against 'Hamilton' and submit a resolution for a revival of 'Annie Get Your Gun.'
Just because everyone in your circle is enthralled with the Hamilton phenomenon — which could be described as a movement — doesn't mean everyone out there understands the allure. Discovering this might bring about some of the same shock many people felt on November 9. A majority of NYC and D.C. residents are still walking around in a daze, wondering what the hell happened on Election Day. Did Hillary really lose? Is this all just a bad, orange dream? While Trump supporters are doing their gleeful victory dance, boycotting Hamilton, Starbucks, Target, Macy’s, Twitter (yet tweeting about boycotting them, hmm) and some restaurants that endorse Hillary Clinton. Ham-fans must come to terms with the fact that the record-breaking musical is not likely Kellyanne Conway’s — or any Trump supporters’ — cup of colonial tea.
We think of it as a hip look at our forefathers and the American Revolution, and most of us are breathless with anticipation of obtaining tickets to the Broadway musical. We are the kids in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, desperately hoping for the Golden Ticket.
Our more conservative American friends want to exercise a veto against Hamilton and submit a resolution for a revival of Annie Get Your Gun.
Will Hamilton sell out in Houston, Denver, and Tempe? Perhaps our coastal cultural obsession will cool down to lukewarm interest in middle America. Only 2017 will tell. But if the tour doesn't manage to sell out, I bet the legions of Ham-fans will hop on Southwest Airlines to fill those seats for another inspiring Hamilton hip-hop history lesson.
Elizabeth Thorp is editor in chief of PYPO.com, a female-driven online comedy and news network.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
If you were too full from Thanksgiving to shop Black Friday and didn't have time for Cyber Monday, never fear — your dreams of saving money on presents — or on things you need yourself — are not lost. Cyber Week is the gift that keeps on giving.
While Amazon's miraculous 12 Days of Deals event is over, plenty of sites and stores are still offering massive discounts in the form of flash sales, rollovers, and last-chance buys. Those Sonos speakers you were planning on gifting mom? Still on sale. The Swarovski-studded tracker you wanted to give your little sister? Also still on sale.
Some of the best deals are saved for those who wait. But in the coming days many of these deals will expire, and there's no post-Cyber Week Cyber Week. That means that if you plan on shopping this holiday season, now is the time to do it. Here, 15 of the best sales we've seen.
Your eyes will thank you when this humidifier keeps them from drying up in your overheated apartment.
Dyson AM10 Humidifier & Fan, $399.99 (originally $499.99), available at Dyson.com.
Don't have a MacBook? Good thing you can get one for over $100 off.
Apple MacBook 12" Display, $1,149.99 (originally $1,299.99), available at Best Buy.
A built-in flavor enhancer tool lets you adjust your sweet tea's taste and ensures it won't be watered down.
Capresso Iced Tea Brewer, $59.99 (originally $89.99), available at Macy's.
Get on board with the vinyl comeback by snagging a portable turntable from Crosley.
Crosley Cruiser Portable Turntable, $59.99 (originally $89.99), available at Target.
Make all the zoodles, carrot ribbons, and sweet potato curly fries your stomach desires. This spiralizer mixer easily attaches to your KitchenAid and can work its magic on almost any vegetable.
KitchenAid KSM1APC Spiralizer Stand Mixer Attachment, $99.99 (originally $149.99), available at Macy's.
Shine, baby, shine! Misfit's Swarovski wrap bracelet doubles as a tracker, keeping you up to date on your distance, steps, and sleep.
Misfit Swarovski Activity Crystal Slake Set, $99 (originally $169), available at Misfit.com.
Photo: Misfit.
Go pro: Canon's SLR camera and accompanying lens is almost guaranteed to up your number of Likes on Instagram.
Canon EOS Rebel SL1 18.0 MP Digital SLR Camera with EF-S 18-55mm IS STM lens, $599 (originally $899), available at dell.com.
Stream something other than Love Actually this holiday season with 20% off SodaStream's Power Source.
SodaStream Power Source Sparkling Water Maker, $119.96 (originally $149.95), available at Williams-Sonoma.
Photo: Williams-Sonoma.
The sad reality of the holidays: You'll have extra cleaning up to do. At least this small vacuum will make it easier.
Black & Decker HHV1320JRS02 Gen 9 Lithium Handheld Vacuum, $49.99 (originally $74.99), available at Macy's.
Become an at-home barista for almost half the price. One espresso, please.
De'Longhi EC220CD Pump Espresso Maker, $99.99 (originally $149.99), available at Macy's.
Whether you go for indie or electro, these golden Beats will make your listening sessions better.
Beats Studio Wireless Over-Ear Headphones, $247.99 (originally $379.99), available at Target.
It isn't the hottest gadget, but you can sleep a little more soundly knowing that you've backed up your MacBook Pro on this hard drive. After all, crashes can happen to all of us.
My Passport Ultra Metal Edition 2TB Portable Hard Drive, $99.99 (originally $149.99), available at Microsoft.
If you missed out on Amazon's Sonos deal, don't miss out on Target's. You can get many of the popular speakers for 10% off.
Sonos PLAY:3 Wireless Smart Speaker, $269 (originally $299.99), available at Target.
Watching the season finale of Westworld will feel even more intense on a screen that gives it the space it deserves.
LG 55" LED Smart HDTV, $499.99 (originally $699.99), available at dell.com.
We’ll spend the money we save with this bargain deal on extra strawberries, whipped cream, and maple syrup.
All-Clad Belgian Waffle Maker, $129.95-$149.95 (originally $280-$300), available at Williams-Sonoma.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Some big news broke this week for fans of The Walking Dead — but whether it's good or bad sort of depends on your priorities as a viewer. Specifically, loyalists who prefer the series remain faithful to Robert Kirkman's original comic books will be pleased. Viewers who have been 'shipping Jesus and Sasha, on the other hand, may be a little bummed about the big development — that Jesus is almost definitely gay.
We're talking about Paul "Jesus" Rovia, of course, the season 7 addition to the show who has quickly become a fan favorite. Actor Tom Payne sat down with The Huffington Post for an AOL Build series interview about the AMC series. The Brit opened up about the likelihood that the show will stay true to the comics when it comes to Jesus — who is gay in the books — and his sexual orientation.
"I think that would be amazing," Payne said. And the actor feels pretty confident that the showrunners will approach Jesus' sexual orientation with the same nonchalant attitude as Kirkman. "I know that Kirkman has said about the comic books, 'Yeah, who cares? He's a badass and he happens to be gay.'"
Payne continued, praising the way Kirkman treats sexual orientation in his writing. “I think that’s one of the strongest things about Robert and how he writes the comic books." Payne added, “Why wouldn’t he be [gay]? And I see no reason why that would be different in the show.” Yep, neither do we.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
According to the Hollywood Reporter, the cameras are still rolling on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.
A spokesperson for the network noted, "Keeping Up With the Kardashians is currently in production and has not been halted." This is in response to the TMZ report from earlier today, which alleged that the show had ceased filming.
This story was originally published on November 29, 2016 11:30a.m.
It appears that Kanye West's hospitalization has impacted production on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Today, TMZ reported that shooting for the family's E! reality series will be postponed through the end of the year. A source confirmed that West's medical treatment interrupted production, and no filming will occur through December.
Production on KUWTK previously came to halt on October 3, in the wake of Kim Kardashian's Paris robbery. The incident resulted in Kim uncharacteristically shunning the public sphere. Though the camera turned away for a spell, production resumed shortly after, and it appeared as though the show must go on.
Here's the thing about reality television: There are just some realities that can't — or shouldn't — be televised. As The Huffington Post points out, KUWTK shut down production last year after Lamar Odom collapsed in Nevada. Based on their history, the Kardashians will likely return to their regular tell-all selves in short order. After all, they have to keep up.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Whether you're a fan of dog massages, makeup tutorials, cake frosting, or things fitting perfectly into other things, everyone seems to have their go-to stress-relieving videos. (This author's personal favorite is a video of someone making wax fake-food samples.) Plus, there are endless YouTube compilations and an entire subreddit devoted to the weird-yet-satisfying.
So how did we all happen to collectively stumble on these things? And why can't we look away? It turns out, there's some complicated psychology at work here.
First off, there's definitely some overlap with the autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR), which is often described as a tingly sensation that some people feel in their scalp or neck while listening to or watching videos of soft-spoken voices or quiet, repetitive noises (such as typing on a keyboard). But even if you don't get that odd feeling in the back of your neck (or whispering just isn't your thing), you might still feel relaxed or simply content while watching your video of choice.
In general, research has found that we're likely to seek out forms of media that either help us work through (or ignore) negative feelings or keep positive ones going. However, there hasn't been too much investigation into specific types of videos beyond their ASMR effects.
One study, published last year in Computers and Human Behavior, found that most of us watch cute cat videos in order to procrastinate. But some people in the study — especially those with higher levels of anxiety and neuroticism — also reported that the videos lessen the feelings of guilt that come with that procrastination.
And there's actually a scientific name for this concept: mood management theory. "It's the idea that genres of media get implicitly associated with certain feelings," explains Jessica Gall Myrick, PhD, an assistant professor at Indiana University Media School and author of the cat video study. In other words, just by watching things online, you start to associate those things with they way they make you feel. And, because we just watch so much stuff all the time, we're making those associations and managing our own moods without even realizing it.
So, for example, while watching one random cat Vine that a friend sent you, you'll (not totally consciously) notice that it probably makes you feel happy or relaxed — as if, for just six seconds, the world is an okay place. After that, (also not totally consciously) you might find yourself returning to that Vine when you're feeling stressed or anxious in order to get back to that sweeter state of mind.
"Then, sort of out of habit, [you] turn to one type of media when you feel one way, but when you feel another way, [you] turn to a different type of media," says Dr. Myrick. So dog massage videos may be your go-to when you're trying to fall asleep. But if you're stressed about a big meeting, maybe you'll pump yourself up with a little "Formation." The reason you're looking at these videos now may be totally different from the reason you initially sought them out — and you might not even quite realize why they have a specific effect on you.
Essentially, we're unwittingly building up our own self-soothing habits. And although we've basically been doing this forever, technology has made it possible to do it pretty much all the time. "Now that we have phones in our pockets," says Dr. Myrick, "we have these portable tools to regulate our moods."
And that's not necessarily a bad thing! In fact, it's great to have an unimaginable number of puppy videos at the ready for a quick hit of stress relief in the middle of a bad day. But when one or two videos regularly turns into two hours of videos, or you're zoning out to makeup tutorials instead of venting to your friends, you might want to take another (more professional) step on your road to mental well-being and seek out therapy.
"Anxiety is the type of emotion that we’re hardwired to feel, because it helps protect us in a dangerous world," says Dr. Myrick. "Our brains learn very fast what causes anxiety and what relieves it."
That means that we're basically primed to fall down YouTube holes when we're stressed out. But it also means we've got to find a way to dig ourselves back out — after breathlessly watching one more video of pandas playing on a slide.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Bear with me while I have a minor existential crisis here, but do we even know what a hack is anymore? The word is used so often that most of the time we have no clue what we're getting ourselves into when we click on something that promises a "life-changing tip."
That said, we still love a good kitchen trick that saves us from food prep. We just want to make sure it's actually helping us out in the long run. Yes, you can absolutely make whipped cream by shaking it nonstop in a mason jar until your arms feel like jello. But, if you have a hand or a stand mixer available, said genius hack is, in reality, creating more work. Although the workout might be worth it.
In an effort to cut out some of the bullshit, we've rounded up 14 cooking hack videos that are truly worth trying. They'll save you time, make you wonder why you didn't already know them, and even give you an "aha!" moment or too. Check them out ahead, and tell us your faves in the comments.
Never Search For A Chip Clip Again
Every time we want to close a bag of chips a rubber band or chip clip is nowhere to be found. But this useful hack will ensure your snacks never go stale again. It's also a great way to impress people at parties.
The Easiest Way To Cook Bacon
This hack's time-saving magic is twofold. First, you don't have to wait while you cook your bacon two pieces at a time on the stove. And second, you can make the rest of your breakfast while the oven does all the work for you.
Cut Down On The Time It Takes To Measure Sticky Ingreds
This one cuts down on time and dishes. Instead of spending five minutes attempting to get honey out of a measuring cup with a spoon, just mist it with nonstick spray. Not only will it slash baking prep minutes, but it'll save you from washing sticky dishes, too.
Peel A Mango Without A Peeler
There are plenty of ways to cut a mango, but this glass method is definitely the quickest.
Peel Ginger Faster
Peeling ginger, with all of it's uneven edges, can take forever. Who knew the problem was the peeler itself?!
Defrost Meat On An Aluminum Pan
This one involves a lot of science that we don't fully understand. However, this video is proof enough that we'll never defrost meat without an aluminum pan ever again.
Magically Ripen Fruits & Veggies
There's nothing worse than having to wait on produce to ripen. But, thanks to this age-old paper bag trick, avocados, pears, bananas, and more will never make you wait again.
Don't Fret Over Freezing Ice
While this hack is controversial, science says it can't hurt to freeze hot water in your ice cube tray. You'll end up with faster cubes as a result.
Peeling Potatoes Is Quicker Than We Thought
This is one of those, "aha!" moments that makes us wonder why we've been using a peeler all these years.
Let A Jar Peel Your Garlic
No need to get your hands dirty (not to mention smelly) or get frustrated over garlic skin. All you need is a jar and a song to shake to.
Don't Let Your Knife Skills Get You Down
There's nothing like a lot of finely chopped ingredients to slow us down when we're trying to throw-together a quick meal. But, if you've got a microplane or zester, your garlic-mincing days are officially over.
Make Pasta Dinners Even Faster
A watched pot never boils, but a pan is a whole other story. Less water means less time for the spaghetti to go from the box to your plate.
It's Faster To Chop Like A Chef
This is less of a hack and more like proper technique, but chopping herbs the right way, will actually go much quicker than you'd think.
Upside-Down Bananas Are Better
Never deal with an impossible-to-peel banana ever again, thanks to this kooky tip, which might seem counterintuitive at first.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Somewhere along the line, gift cards got a bad rap. But let's be clear: If you think giving gift certificates lacks thought, you've clearly never gotten one that lets you go on a shopping spree at one of the top beauty stores. Sure, they're often bestowed upon those who are "too difficult to shop for," but in our world getting one is a bit like hitting the jackpot. This season, we'd be thrilled to see one land in our stockings — especially if it's in the triple digits. But how to spend it? Well, we've already got some ideas.
Over the next few weeks, our beauty editors will be breaking down exactly how we would spend (very generous) $100 gift cards at some of our favorite stores — and we're starting with Sephora. Our methods were different — some of us chose to re-up our daily essentials; others went straight to the gift-set section, hoping to maximize the haul — but we all satisfied our inner beauty junkies.
See our picks ahead, and then hope you've been very, very nice this year.
Alix Tunell, Senior Beauty Editor
Total spent: $98
"I go through body oils faster than any other product category — a lotion just can’t compete with them in winter. This one has a ton of oils (olive, avocado, safflower-seed, green tea-seed, and primrose), is derm-tested, and makes my skin feel really healthy and smooth."
Dr. Jart+ Ceramidin Body Oil, $23, available at Sephora.
"A drop of this creamy, full-coverage concealer covers my dark circles better than any other I’ve tried. Tip: There are a ton of shades in the line and they vary ever-so-slightly, so I’d recommend getting color-matched."
Make Up For Ever Ultra HD Concealer, $27, available at Sephora.
"It’s like the Herbivore creators saw into my soul and then created this body scrub (and, really, the whole line) specifically for me, because in my dream world, everything would come in glass jars with orderly fonts, contain coconut oil, and smell like Bulgarian rose."
Herbivore Coco Rose Coconut Oil Body Polish, $36, available at Sephora.
"This cream melts on your lips and leaves a sheer, very shiny burgundy flush behind that looks like you put on dark lipstick, dabbed it off, then went over it with balm."
Korres Wild Rose Lip Butter, $12, available at Sephora.
Cat Quinn, Beauty Director
Total spent: $98
"I love the idea of owning a complete set of Tom Ford fragrances or every shade of Kat Von D lipstick, but let's be real: It's not the most practical purchase. This, on the other hand, is. You get the variety of a mascara, a lip stain, and a fragrance — all of which happen to be my favorites among each of the three categories. I've been using Eyes to Kill mascara for five years; it gives you the most amazing, lush lashes. Sì is the sexiest, warmest fragrance, and I love it for winter (my boyfriend can't resist it either). And this lip stain is my new obsession; it looks like a liquid lipstick on your lips, but it seriously does not move — even if you eat a greasy meal or make out with someone. (Both of which you should be doing heavily this holiday season.) This is one of the best sample sets I've seen, and I promise you'll love every piece."
Giorgio Armani Beauty Sì Eau de Parfum Beauty Gift Set, $92, available at Sephora.
"Since I have $8 left over, I'd also grab one of these rose face masks. It's super-soothing and brightening — perfect for the morning after I wear that lip stain until 4 a.m...."
Sephora Collection Rose Face Mask, $6, available at Sephora.
Mi-Anne Chan, Beauty Writer
Total spent: $96
"I'm currently eyeing this killer set from Drunk Elephant. First things first: I'm obsessed with the brand's night serum (read about my love for it here, or watch me gush about it here). The only downside? It costs a whopping $90. This kit contains a full-size version of the product, a travel-size hydrating serum, and a travel-size brightening vitamin C serum for just $6 more than what you'd spend buying the night serum solo.
"The brand's vitamin C serum is a great brightening treatment. It's lightweight, sinks in quickly, and contains a host of brightening ingredients like vitamin C and ferulic acid. I normally use this serum in the morning, right after cleansing and toning.
"After my serum is on, I'll slap a lightweight hydrator on top before moving on to SPF and makeup. This Hydration Gel is a great one to reach for because it's full of vitamins and ceramides."
Drunk Elephant AHA Kit, $96, available at Sephora.
Lexy Lebsack, West Coast Beauty Editor
Total spent: $101
"Fancy lip balm isn't something I normally buy for myself, but given a gift card, you best believe this would be the first thing in my basket. This Tatcha formula has been my savior in the drier months. It's incredibly rich and thick, so all you need is an even coat before bed to ensure that your lips stay soft, hydrated, and, more importantly, not chapped. And for the record, it's just as good as the $60 balms of the world — but for a little more than half the price."
Tatcha Gold Camellia Nourishing Lip Balm, $36, available at Sephora.
"This is my absolute favorite highlighter — and I just so happen to need a re-up right now. Fair warning: If you want something that's natural-looking, this is not for you. This formula is shimmery, reflective, and pale in color, which means that it looks gorgeous in photos and gives that strobed look. The best part is that it's a chunky stick, so you draw it on (I go over the tops of my cheekbones, temples, and over my Cupid's bow), then pat any edges with a finger, Beautyblender, or the included buffing tip."
Smashbox L.A. Lights Blendable Lip & Cheek Color in Hollywood & Highlight, $29, available at Sephora.
"I could get through an entire party season with just this liner and the highlighter on the previous slide. It allows for super-precise application, which means that you can create a graphic cat-eye, kitten flick, or just darken your top lashline — fast! Like, 'I got ready in my work bathroom' fast."
Kat Von D Tattoo Liner in Trooper, $20, available at Sephora.
"This little guy has been in my purse for weeks — I don't go anywhere without it. I spray a few pumps into my hands, warm up the formula, then scrunch it into my hair — wet or dry — to bring out my layers and give things a bit of volume and separation. Beach spray even in the winter? Yes, please!"
"With only a few bucks left, I know exactly what I'd get. I love these little mask packs from Origins, especially the Drink Up formula. I pop one in my carry-on and my skin never gets dry when I travel — plus, a pack has enough mask for two uses. Apply it to clean skin, let it soak in for 30 minutes or so, then tissue off."
Origins Drink Up Intensive Overnight Mask, $4, available at Sephora.
Megan McIntyre, Beauty Features Director
Total spent: $100
"When Marc Jacobs first introduced his Splash fragrances back in 2006, they came in ginormous bottles — and I legit just finished that original bottle. Since then, they’ve discontinued the Splashes, so when I stumbled across this limited-edition baby bottle of Rain, I knew I had to have it. Clean, watery, with just the right hit of effervescence — it’s a go-to for me."
Marc Jacobs Fragrances Splash: Rain, $62, available at Sephora.
"These tinted lip oils from YSL are simply beyond. They are one of the first lip oils that actually feel like an oil — instead of a liquid-esque balm — and they tint my lips in a really understated, but still impactful, way. I love the bright Crush Me orange shade and the vivid berry of Pink About Me. These are absolutely essential in the winter."
Yves Saint Laurent Volupté Tint-In-Oil in Pink About Me, $32, available at Sephora.
"A softening peel might seem like a misnomer, but leave it to South Korea to come up with the most gentle, yet effective, one on the market. You start with a giant Q-tip swab that’s pre-soaked in a lactic acid to get rid of dead skin, then follow it up with the enclosed soy milk-infused sheet mask. The result is super-soft, bright, toned skin and confirmation that milk, indeed, does a body — err, face — good."
Primary Raw DoYou 2-Step Milk Peeling Kit, $6, available at Sephora.
Kelsey Castañon, Beauty News Editor
Total spent: $105
"I prefer to smell like a legit coconut 365 days of the year — yes, even in the colder months. This body wash delivers that heavenly, tropical island scent I love so much, plus the extra hydration we all need in winter. Best part: Both results linger long after I rinse it off."
Sol de Janeiro Brazilian 4 Play Moisturizing Shower Cream-Gel, $25, available at Sephora.
"I know I’ve said my ride-or-die mascara was the YSL Volume Effet Faux Cils (and it is, on nights when I need something that grabs all the attention). But sometimes, you just want a solid, everyday formula that won’t smudge or smear — and that’s where this one comes in. Its slightly curved applicator hugs and separates every last lash, so I can still feel confident should a last-minute date come up."
Wander Beauty Unlashed Volume & Curl Mascara, $24, available at Sephora.
"Gel primers have always been my jam — there’s nothing more satisfying than smoothing one on my skin when it’s drier than a kale chip — but Laura Mercier’s feels like the category’s magical unicorn. It’s loaded with hydrating hyaluronic acid and vitamins A and E, so it can take the place of moisturizer on lazy days,"
Laura Mercier Foundation Primer - Hydrating, $36, available at Sephora.
"Recently, while packing for a weeklong trip abroad, I couldn’t find a travel-sized bottle of this insanely effective oil-absorber, so I had to leave it behind. I won’t go into details on what my hair looked like on the trip, but I will say this: Life is scary, oily, and sad without it, and I’ll never make the same mistake again — even if that means forking over the $25 bag fee next time."
Klorane Dry Shampoo With Oat Milk, $20, available at Sephora.
Maria del Russo, beauty editor
Total spent: $100
"I used to lug around my full-sized dryer whenever I traveled, which would take up precious cargo space that could be better filled with shoes. The reason? Mini dryers don’t pack the same punch as the big guys — or so I thought. I tested out Amika’s new mini drier and was blown away — literally. It’s just as powerful as a regular dryer, weighs less than a pound, and comes with two attachments — a concentrator and a diffuser. Even my brother, who is a professional hairstylist, was impressed with this mini miracle."
Amika Mighty Mini Dryer Coral Pink + Wink, $55, available at Sephora.
"Margiela’s Lazy Sunday Morning is my signature scent — so much so that my own father told me it smells like me. It’s a lighter scent, with notes of iris, lily of the valley, rose absolue, and patchouli oil, so I need to reapply it if I go out at night. Instead of stashing an extra bottle at my desk, I carry this rollerball along. A few swipes behind my ears, on my wrists, and down my décolletage, and I’m solid."
Maison Margiela Replica Lazy Sunday Morning Rollerball, $28, available at Sephora.
"Urban Decay does a matte lipstick like no other. They stay put without drying out your lips, and the color payoff is amazing. My favorite of their Vice lipsticks is Hex — a deep, ruddy red that is a sexy alternative to your classic crimson. One swipe of this is like applying your inner badass. Consider it your alter ego in a tube."
Urban Decay Vice Lipstick, $17, available at Sephora.
Sam Sasso, beauty editorial assistant
Total spent: $99
"Every skin type can benefit from these do-it-all products. The Ultra Repair Cream is great for eczema, or just dry patches, from elbows to your cheeks. I personally want it because of the Ultra Repair Lip Therapy, which is basically magic for chapped lips."
First Aid Beauty Winter Skin Savers, $38, available at Sephora.
"If lipstick application is a hassle for you, these slim sticks make things that much easier and quicker.
Bite Beauty Best Bite Redux, $25, available at Sephora.
"I was first introduced to the intoxicating scents from Nest through one of these variety sets. Considering how pricey fragrances can normally be, a set like this that lets you mix and match favorites and is easy to pack in your suitcase is a must.
Nest Eau de Parfum Collection Coffret, $36, available at Sephora.
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of beauty tips, tutorials, and news on the Refinery29 Beauty Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Growing up is hard to do. Before "adulting" — that is, clumsily impersonating our role models and pretending we have our lives together — became a buzzword, we "came of age." The action is still the same: staying out too late and trying to "find ourselves," or building a new life in a strange city.
The best thing about coming-of-age movies is that you can watch them and get a better understanding of yourself today. The awkwardness of getting older is more than acne and puberty, and more than the milestones of academic life. Growing up is about looking around and piecing together what you want and don't want, who is and isn't worth listening to, where you do and don't feel safe. Whether you're working through these internal dilemmas in someone else's house — in a family home or with a band on tour — or in your first apartment, it's all tough.
These are the best coming-of-age movies we can think of. And while many such stories are about love, we've culled a list of films that have a little more to offer than a traditional romance, because you don't have to fall in love to find yourself. "Coming of age" isn't about meeting the person you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with, but deciding what you want to spend the rest of your life as.
Keep checking back before your next movie night. We'll be adding new movies to this list regularly.
Boyhood(2014)
Boyhood is the coming-of-age film that literally came of age. Filmed over 12 years, the movie follows Mason (Ellar Coltrane) as he traipses through adolescence. At the conclusion, Mason leaves for college, his "boyhood" coming to a close as the credits roll.
Richard Linklater's film is remarkable because it danced between fiction and reality. We are watching a fiction, but the actors — including Patricia Arquette, Ethan Hawke, and Lorelei Linklater — are subject to the very real effects of time.
Nothing truly remarkable happens in the film, which lasts a generous 3 hours, but that's exactly the point. This bildungsroman is about the slow churn of self-discovery and the patience that it requires.
Almost Famous (2000)
Lester Bangs (Philip Seymour Hoffman) said it best: “The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.”
William Miller (Patrick Fugit) is very, very uncool. So when the precocious teen gets a chance to profile an up and coming rock band for Rolling Stone, he jumps at it. There’s the obvious career boost, of course, but also the thrill of the road paired with the rock’s outlaw fantasy.
Cross crossing the country, director Cameron Crowe’s protagonist gets a lesson in reporting — no one is ever a reliable source on their own life — but also in friendship. He’s quickly smitten with Penny Lane (Kate Hudson), a young blonde fangirl who is low key sleeping with the band’s lead singer. Penny is troubled and flighty, and William is the only one who really cares about her. But even he tries to consume her free spirit. "I always tell the girls, never take it seriously," Penny explains once. "If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt, if you never get hurt, you always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends. "
The Fits (2016)
Toni (Royalty Hightower) is an 11-year-old tomboy that doesn't know how to be a teenage girls. As girls her age have their first awkward crushes, she hangs out with her brother, watching him flirt with girls, laugh with his friends, and train to be a boxer. She's modeled her life after his, until now: Toni is transfixed by the cool girls, ones who seem unbothered by insecurities like her own.
So Toni skips her brother's boxing lessons, and instead tries out for the local rec center's dance team. She watches them, and mimics their femininity. When an eerie sickness starts to spread other girls on the team, she hopes she's not affected by the same convulsions.
There's a certain amount of suspense to this movie — what disease causes these girls to shake and shiver without warning? Where did it start, and how is it being transmitted? But its heart is in Toni's coming of age story as she begins to understand gender performance, and her place as a young woman in her community.
Brooklyn (2015)
Brooklyn is a 1950s immigrant story that starts out simple enough: Eilis Lacey (Saoirse Ronan) has just moved from Ireland to the borough (against her mother’s better judgement) for a better life. She leaves the ship that brought her to America’s shores, ready to find the American promise she’s heard so much about. In a strange city with rowdy Americans, she’s lonely enough to sob into her own sheets. She might not have left a full life beyond, but it was a satisfying one.
Soon enough, she meets Tony (Emory Cohen), a boyishly handsome Italian guy at a Catholic mixer. For a while, Brooklyn masquerades as a love story: The pair sweetly fall in love and plan a life together. Then a tragedy at home in Ireland requires Eilis to return to her sleepy hometown.
And this is when Brooklyn gets really great: It takes meeting a boy at home (Domhnall Gleeson) to put in perspective how much Eilis has accomplished. She’s built herself a life in Brooklyn, through long days and lonely nights. The crux of the movie is the crossroads of coming of age: Looking in the mirror and deciding between the self you’ve grown out of and the self you’ve grown into.
Splendor In The Grass (1961)
This classic, directed by Elia Kazan, is most famous for being the first American movie to feature French kissing onscreen. Outside of the Natalie Wood-Warren Beatty lip action, though, it’s a touching story of desire, resistance, and how jarring it is to realize your parents are imperfect — and maybe even deeply flawed.
The story is set in 1920s Kansas, and Bud Stamper (Beatty) and Deanie Loomis (Wood) are in love. He’s the football hero, heir to an oil fortune; she’s a good girl, dutiful daughter to a humble grocery-owning family. There’s no way (or reason) to put it delicately: Kissing isn’t enough anymore. These high school seniors are ready to do the thing they’re taught good girls aren’t supposed to want and good boys aren’t supposed to ask for: have sex.
The central conflict is that Deanie and Bud are trapped within puritanical conventions about sexuality and womanhood that no one can explain, but that are rigidly abided by. Some of what the movie has to say about sex isn’t as potent so many decades later. But the larger questions about parents who love you but can’t listen or raise or relate to you — and how we’re tasked with loving them through it — remain.
An Education (2009)
When Jenny (Carey Mulligan) meets David, she’s a small-town girl with dreams of Oxford. She’s clever, accomplished, and bored. He’s older, curiously smooth, and fun. The pair doesn’t have a lot of natural chemistry, but the idea of the relationship is alluring, and David brings her into a world of luxury, teasing her with a trip to Paris. Jenny trades her textbooks for kitten heels. “My choice is to do something hard and boring for the rest of my life,” Jenny tells her teacher, choosing to set aside her studies, “or to go to Paris. And have fun!”
But the adult relationship requires Jenny to grow up in ways she didn’t expect. Loving David might not come saddled with Proust or Saussure, but their life together still has strings attached. As the girlish cello-playing student, Jenny saw past them. As the woman Jenny grows into, she sees through them.
Girlfight (2000)
Diana Guzman (Michelle Rodriguez) is a troubled teen climbing her way out of the disorder of her high school life. She has a problem with fighting. In school and at home, her temper is always dragging her into trouble. After spending a few moments in the boxing ring by chance, she’s hooked. The aggression is exciting, and the discipline of the sport anchors her in the midst of the chaos of her life.
It’s important that boxing is what wins Guzman’s interest. The sport is ruled by testosterone and physicality. To the men and boys who surround her, Guzman's entrance into the boxing gym upsets their masculine power. “This is a story about a girl growing up in a macho society and, far from being threatened by its values, discovering she has a nature probably more macho than the men around her,” wrote Roger Ebert at the time of the film’s release. “Since the movie (written, directed, and produced by women) is deeply aware of that theme, it's always about more than boxing.”
The Diary Of A Teenage Girl (2015)
Minnie Goetze just had sex for the first time in her life. That’s not a secret — it’s one of the first lines in the movie. Her excitement is infectious as we watch her life play out and listen as she confides to her tape-recorder diary. Her commentary details the smallest, most intimate moments with a boy she likes.
The boy in question, however, is a man: Monroe (Alexander Skarsgård) is the boyfriend of Minnie’s lonely, wayward mother (Kristen Wiig). Their love isn’t pure, but Skarsgård strikes a balance between creepy and coyish. We don’t realize he’s a bum until Minnie does. The movie ultimately belongs to Minnie, because every scene is anchored by Bel Powley’s performance. The camera watches her explore her sexuality without exploiting her teenage lust.
The Kids Are All Right (2010)
By the time we meet parents Nic and Jules (Annette Bening and Julianne Moore), the fractures in their family have bubbled to the surface. Only on the surface is this a movie about a family with two moms, or about what happens when an “unconventional” family opens their doors to their sperm donor. A coming-of-age story is at the root of the plot: Nic and Jules's kids, two California teens in most respects — one headed to college, the other trying to define his life outside of “jock” and “kid brother" — are piecing together their origin story, and their entire family is growing past it.
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of celebrity news, fun takes on pop culture, and trending stories on the Refinery29 Entertainment Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
Chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Netflix and chilling with your fam. Isn't that how the remix goes? No matter your religious inclination, Christmas movies are a special genre. They're all family dysfunction, gift-giving cheer, and, occasionally, a single-gal house swap that leads to true love.
We've rounded up the best in Christmas-movie goofiness. Sometimes zany ( The Family Stone), sometimes manic ( This Christmas), these are the movies that get to the heart of the holiday season: Food, friendship, and fun. And because you can only listen to Mariah Carey's Christmas album so many times, these are movies with good soundtracks, too.
Step into your slippers and order some cookies on Seamless. Spend the night in with any one of these classic Christmas flicks.
Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Dermot Mulroney, Luke Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Craig T. Nelson, Diane Keaton
This tale of home-for-the-holidays bickering is elevated by an all-star cast. Sarah Jessica Parker is perfectly wooden as Meredith, the one non-family member who attends the Christmas celebration. It's all familiar territory: Family secrets are revealed, someone ruins a precious holiday dish, and there are turtlenecks a-plenty. The real draw here are Craig T. Nelson and Diane Keaton, the respective Stone patriarch and matriarch. Family drama is what these actors do best, and the pair do not disappoint.
Last Holiday(2006)
Starring: Queen Latifah, LL Cool J
Queen Latifah is living it up as Georgia Byrd, a saleswoman who learns that she has a terminal illness. She takes a break from her introverted personality and gifts herself with a trip to Europe and a lot of luxury.
Home Alone (1990)
Starring: Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern
Kevin was NYC's OG scammer, and Pesci and Stern were veritable opponents. This is a true NYC tourist-y movie, hitting the city's memorable landmarks and hotspots.
The Year Without A Santa Claus(1974)
Starring: Mickey Rooney, Dick Shawn, Shirley Booth, George S. Irving
Remember those old puppet Christmas movies that air on Freeform (the network formerly known as ABC Family) every December? The Year Without A Santa Claus is the best of those old holly-jolly Rankin/Bass classics.
This year, Santa's fed up. No more Christmas jet setting for Mr. Claus. When he decides to take a year off, the Miser brothers — Heat Miser and Snow Miser — face off.
The Preacher's Wife(1996)
Starring: Whitney Houston, Denzel Washington, Courtney B. Vance
Denzel Washington is an angel sent to soothe the doubts of a successful local preacher (Courtney B. Vance). But — twist! — the preacher's wife (Whitney Houston) ends up catching the holy stranger's eye.
With a score composed by Hans Zimmer and songs sung by Houston herself, this is a Christmas classic.
Elf(2003)
Starring: Will Ferrell, Zooey Deschanel, James Caan
Buddy the (human) elf (Will Ferrell) is on his way home to New York City. After spending his youth living among elves on the North Pole, he journeys to find his real dad, who is now an elite Manhattan businessman (James Caan).
But life in the adult world comes with more challenges than Buddy initially realizes: father-son bonding, Manhattan's yellow snow, and a crush on a gift-shop clerk (Zooey Deschanel).
The old friends from The Best Man reunited in this Christmas romantic comedy. Everyone is up to their same hijinks, only this time, there's mistletoe involved.
Lance (Morris Chestnut), Harper (Taye Diggs), Candace (Regina Hall), Quentin (Terrence Howard), Robyn (Sanaa Lathan), Jordan (Nia Long), Murch (Harold Perrineau), and Mia (Monica Calhoun) descend upon Lance's mega mansion to spend Christmas together. They're 15 years older now and have almost 15 times the drama.
The Holiday(2006)
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law, Jack Black, Eli Wallach
Frustrated with the men in their lives, two single ladies swap houses for the holidays. Amanda (Cameron Diaz) lives a lavish life in L.A. Iris (Kate Winslet) lives a cozy one in London. When they trade places, each woman steps into a new life and new romance.
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of celebrity news, fun takes on pop culture, and trending stories on the Refinery29 Entertainment Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
When my nephew was born, I had one very important question for my sister-in-law. “Did you poop?” I asked, as she lay in her hospital bed, still hazy under the influence of the drugs.
“Look,” she said flatly, already with the deadpan nonchalance of someone who’d been mothering for a lifetime (Dorothy from Golden Girls came to mind). “If you can squeeze hard enough to poop, you can have a baby.”
I’d never heard my sister-in-law, six years my senior, say the word “poop” before, but I was pretty sure I was going to like the woman she was becoming. Growing up in the Deep South, it had always just been assumed that I, like all good Southern girls, would marry and procreate, preferably in that order, and in short order. But when my nephew was born, I was 25 and waiting tables at a kitschy bar in New York City, which is code for dancing on-slash-falling off of barstools and throwing up in public, not so much awaiting my chance to squeeze a child out of a hole in my body.
Photographed by Maria del Rio.
If anything, I was repulsed by everything having to do with babies, except the part where you make them.
But, hovering over my sister-in-law’s hospital bed, the questions just came pouring out of me: Did your vagina rip? How bloody is the bloodiness? When your water broke, was it like a gush or a trickle? I needed to know everything, in case the pregnancy disease were ever stricken upon me, and I were forced to eject a baby from an orifice I considered private property — or, at least, a very exclusive club.
I’d visit my brother’s little family often. I changed the baby’s diapers and sang him old gospel songs about rivers and Satan and praying while I rocked him in my arms. I loved him immensely, but I gladly passed him off when the going got tough. (It’s on the Official List of Aunt Privileges.) I thought about the miracle of life a lot — and how I never wanted it to happen to me.
When my brother was in school for his PhD, and my sister-in-law working to support their crew, they needed free childcare. So I moved in with them in North Carolina. They’d get my nanny services, which came with prying questions about pregnancy and childbirth. And I’d get the cold, hard facts.
The actual experience of being with a baby that summer? It was miserable, strolling a teething blob to Barnes and Noble in the damp July heat. He would grind his four teeth so loudly it nearly drowned out the Frappuccino machine. Each day felt like a personal Twilight Zone episode; I was stuck on a loop living the worst parts of motherhood: exhaustion, dancing around like a toy monkey non-stop, and getting pooped on. At least, I imagined they were the worst parts. But, oh my god, what if they were just the normal parts?
I was almost frightened by the love I felt for him. I couldn’t imagine the intensity I might feel for my own kid.
Occasionally, I would look at the dough ball with total amazement — his cupid’s bow a perfect slope, his imploring brown eyes full of anticipation. In these moments, I was almost frightened by the love I felt for him. I couldn’t imagine the intensity I might feel for my own kid.
At at the close of summer, I happily returned to my young-people’s life in New York and resumed my eye-rolling at fitful babies on the subway. I was back to doing incredibly interesting things, like, listening to a very important new indie rock band, stupid screaming baby! I was taking long showers that involved much self-care, paying $30 for cycling class, and dining at hip new restaurants where parents dare not bring their slimy-fingered kin.
Then my New York friends began having babies. Some on purpose, some not. It was terrifying, like the plague. One of my best friends had a baby weeks before my wedding and couldn’t come. I was angry and devastated that she’d never share one of my most important memories. “We have to remember the reason I can’t be there is because of a good thing,” she’d say. But babies weren’t good things. They were needy parasites that took my friends away, made weird teeth noises in bookstores, and spoiled the riches of life; having hit 30, I was just beginning to enjoy luxuries like designer shoes and European getaways with my girlfriends. I was gathering my baby data, and signs were pointing to a hard no.
Photographed by Erin Yamagata
As I fled full-steam away from motherhood, I continued to corner my coven of mom friends and ask: "So...breastfeeding...is it as terrible as it seems? On a scale of 1-10, how tired are you, really? How long before you had sex again?" I needed to understand why anyone would willfully make this decision. I needed details.
Then there were the questions I was too afraid to ask, for fear of sounding judgmental, or of instilling fear in friends who may not know, themselves. Do you like who’ve you’ve become? What about your career? Are you afraid of becoming irrelevant? I was also afraid of how I would answer them, I guess. As a writer (first life obstacle), who makes her living being “in the know” (second life obstacle), I couldn’t help but panic at the thought of going off the grid after a pregnancy, later to be disappointed by missed opportunities and pop culture references, and oblivious to how many new iPhones had been released.
Then my brother and his wife had another child, one who exhausts and exhilarates me. I met my best friend’s baby. “Oh my God, you made that!” I squealed when I met her (and instantly forgave the babe for that wedding business). I didn’t need to be the full-time nanny to know: If any person were to hurt these kids, I would go Liam-Neeson- Taken on their ass.
Warming to friends’ and family members' babies made me feel as though I were learning how to share the world with the friend-snatching species. And about halfway into my 31st year, I started to think that maybe I did want my own.
My worst fear: What if I hate being a mom? It’s not like you can return them.
I’d had the gut-wrenching feeling, off and on, for about a year. The unexplainable warmth that washes over you when you see the giggling, cooing cuddle monsters, with their bright eyes and gummy smiles. “Aww...” I’d say, with estrogen surging through my fallopian tubes (at least that’s what I imagined was happening). Then, as quickly as the warmth had come upon me, it would slip away. Reality would strike and, thinking only of how often I might eat and sleep that day, I’d realize perhaps I was more like the baby than the mom, which posed a fundamental problem. Even if I want this, I probably am not up to the task.
In the midst of these hot flashes of parental desire, I was convinced that I was far from ready to be the real deal. My worst fear: What if I hate being a mom? It’s not like you can return them.
So I kept asking questions, trying to make sense of my conflicting feelings, and secretly hoping someone would validate my confusion with their answers. "When did you know you wanted to be a mother? Do you ever want to punch your kid in the face, and if so, what do you punch instead?"
My heaviest question — "Is it really worth it?" — I lobbed at every single new parent I thought might answer honestly. After they told me how they first thought they’d destroyed their marriages, how they think they may never sleep the same again, and the various war stories pertaining to their most intimate body parts, they would almost always reply with what I expected them to say: “Yes, it’s a good thing.”
Everyone says you’re never ready to be a parent, and so you just decide to try to be one or not. That’s where I’m having trouble. I’m kind of selfish. I like sleeping, and writing has been my #1 priority for as long as I can remember. Could I change any of that? Do I even want to?
But this feeling — this urge to keep asking — won’t leave me be. Somewhere between collecting data like a baby-mad scientist and cruising through my early 30s, I’ve begun to...stop fleeing. I learned through my years of crowdsourcing that it would be hard: the pregnancy horror stories, the birthing nightmares, and those dreaded first few months. But that doesn’t definitively mean bad. Women have been doing this since the beginning of time, and it’s not like some extreme collective long con...I don’t think?
My husband and I have been talking about what’s next. And maybe that will be a baby. “I want that next level of intensity with you,” I said to him one night over a quiet dinner at a fancy restaurant, far away from the realities of early parenthood. “You know, bewilderment, and shit on our hands, and the kind of fear that makes you clutch your chest. Things you can only achieve by making a baby together.” He agreed that he would like that, too.
Now, I’m in the weighing the evidence phase of my investigation. I have all the answers except one: Do I want to have a baby? And that’s a question only one person can answer.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
No matter how you feel about 2016, it’s hard to deny that artistry and creativity in the beauty world flourished. From rule-breaking campaigns and cult product launches to unapologetically bold makeup looks (not to mention many bare faces), there was no wrong way to express yourself through cosmetics.
As we approach the end of the year (Say it with me now: "Boy, bye!"), we're challenging ourselves to break out of our beauty ruts as well, and maybe find some looks that will help us start 2017 on the right foot.
Ahead, you'll find a trend to try for every day in December — and for those who want a challenge lite, we've called out a few editors' picks worthy of a weekly switch-up. Sure, it's a commitment during an already busy time of year, but it's a healthy one — and one that will force you to end the year stepping outside of your comfort zone, not wallowing in it.
To 2016, we say this: You weren't great, but your artistry was. So let's all go out with a strobed, glittered, chromed-out, smoky, vibrant, sometimes barefaced bang. Who's with us?
December 1: All-Peach Everything
It's day one, so let's ease in. This trend was huge in Hollywood, and for good reason: It's wildly flattering and easy to pull off.
You had a good time yesterday, didn't you? Felt pretty rad with your red lips? Great, because you're wearing them again today — but topping the lipstick with gloss or making it ombré for a cool-girl rendition.
This colorful brow trend emerged from Paris this year — and surprised even us. Wear it out to the bar, or just try it while you're bored at home. (Send us an Insta pic if you do!)
Like this post? There's more. Get tons of beauty tips, tutorials, and news on the Refinery29 Beauty Facebook page. Like us on Facebook — we'll see you there!
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
We love the feeling of finally finishing a jigsaw puzzle we've been slaving over. That sense of accomplishment is intoxicating, but there's a new type of puzzle that wants to completely rob us of that feeling. It's called the Infinity Puzzle, because it can never be truly finished.
Despite leaving us with no real feeling of achievement, the Infinity Puzzle is still cool enough to make us want to give it a try. It's made up of either 51 or 133 wooden pieces, depending on which you're playing with. Like most frustrating things in this world, the Infinity Puzzle was designed using math and science. According to Nervous System, a blog run by The Museum of Applied Arts & Sciences in Sydney, each piece is cut to "tile in a plane," meaning a piece can be taken from one side of the puzzle and placed on the opposite side, which can be seen in the video above.
This unique take on the classic jigsaw is made even more difficult by its lack of defined shape or single picture, which puzzles usually have as a guide. More than one of these jigsaws can be combined to make a massive, never-ending puzzle. So if you've been thinking, man, all these regular jigsaw puzzles are just too easy for me, you can purchase a brand new, even tougher challenge here.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
This year, Ashley Graham was the first plus-size model to cover Maxim and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. She's not done making history, though. If all that wasn’t enough, Graham has at least one more 2016 accomplishment to add to her ever-impressive résumé — and this one is a barrier-breaking coup.
Graham finally snagged a coveted Vogue cover. She fronts the British edition's January 2017 issue. And though we can't believe it's taken this long, Graham appears to be the first plus-size model to ever front the legendary magazine — at least in recent memory. (We've reached out to BritishVogue to confirm, and will update when we hear back.)
A photo posted by British Vogue (@britishvogue) on
Photographed by industry-favorite Patrick Demarchelier, the 28-year-old looks like the wind-blown, badass model she is, wearing cool-girl hoops, a leather jacket, and no-makeup makeup.
But, back to that Vogue cover. While it's been a long time coming, it's still a momentous occasion that marks a major shift toward size inclusivity in the fashion industry. We can only hope that the new year brings many more plus women on glossy covers. Hey, Graham did say her dream gig was shooting for American Vogue. Anna Wintour, what’s the holdup?
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The best case scenario for a car accident? No one gets hurt — and its aftermath becomes a viral hit on Twitter. That’s just the kind of serendipity that struck over Thanksgiving weekend for Twitter user @hellocojo, thanks to an unfortunate face plant into a front seat headrest from the backseat— which left a perfect makeup imprint of the passenger’s face.
The tweet immediately struck a chord, as tens of thousands of users posted the requisite cry-laughing emoji and unfortunate makeup imprints of their own, along with a few classic memes, for good measure:
Mysteries aside, there may be a few life lesson takeaways from the backseat blunder. As some users have pointed out, the incident makes a great case for wearing your seatbelt — and setting spray.
@hellocojo TRY SETTING SPRAY HUN, IT WORKS WONDERS😂😂
The oft-cited, depressing fact is that American men earn around $1 for every 78 cents a woman makes (and that gap only widens when you look at what women of color are earning compared to white men). But, in a recent study, GlassDoor also uncovered 11 jobs where women are actually out-earning men.
In the number-one spot, female social workers make, on average, $1.08 to their male counterpart's dollar. While that might sound like a silver lining, it's still a pretty thin one. The same study also looked at the fields where men out-earn women the most. Computer programmers have the widest gap, with men earning, on average, 28.3% more than women. And, considering the average salary of computer programmers is relatively high ($65,277 is the national average, $20,000 more than social workers') that wage gap shakes out to a much higher dollar amount.
For many of the fields, the percentage more that women are earning, on average, is so little, you could argue that it's just fields where salaries are approaching parity. For example, female therapists only earn .5% more than their male colleagues. And while that won't make up for the fact that men are still out-earning women in nearly every other field, it's interesting to know which fields are not only paying women fairly for equal work, but also where they're being paid more.
Click through to see the full list of jobs — do any of them surprise you?
Just weeks after an unprecedented increase in donations — including $20,000 from "Mike Pence" — Planned Parenthood affiliates have filed lawsuits in three states that challenge unnecessary restrictions to abortion.
The organization has teamed up with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and Center for Reproductive Rights to file the suits, which are aimed at laws in Alaska, Missouri, and North Carolina that make it difficult (if not impossible) for patients to receive care.
For instance, restrictions in Alaska ban abortions after the first trimester of a pregnancy in outpatient facilities, making it necessary for many patients to travel out of state to receive care. In North Carolina, a ban on abortions after the 20th week of pregnancy in almost all circumstances similarly makes it necessary for patients to go elsewhere for care. And restrictions on providers in Missouri have left the state with only a single facility allowed to provide abortions.
Unfortunately, it is those women who "already face far too many barriers to healthcare as people of color, people who live in rural areas, or people with low incomes," who are most affected by such restrictions, said Raegan McDonald-Mosley, MD, chief medical officer of Planned Parenthood Federation of America in a press conference today. "These laws are dangerous, unjust, and unconstitutional — and they will come down."
Plaintiffs in the suits include Planned Parenthood but also include other healthcare organizations and, in the North Carolina case, doctors in major hospitals in the state, such as Duke.
These laws are dangerous, unjust, and unconstitutional – and they will come down.
These restrictions are similar to those struck down in a Supreme Court case earlier this year. The case, Whole Woman's Health v. Hellerstedt, centered on the restrictive HB2 bill, which would have imposed incredibly strict rules on abortion providers in Texas under the guise of making the procedures safer.
The Supreme Court ruled that such medically unnecessary restrictions were unconstitutional, with Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg writing, "It is beyond rational belief that HB2 could genuinely protect the health of women."
So, if any of the three new cases makes it that far, Julie Rikelman of the Center for Reproductive Rights, who is one of the attorneys representing the case in North Carolina, is confident that the court would rule similarly against such laws — even under a Trump administration.
"These are the kind [of restrictions] that are clearly unconstitutional," she said in a press conference today. "The precedent that protects this right for women has been enforced for over 40 years. It has withstood the test of time and been re-affirmed by a variety of justices appointed by a variety of administrations."
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
