Rachel Maddow, Maria Shriver, and Andrea Mitchell, among many others, have signed a letter supporting embattled NBC anchor Tom Brokaw. The letter, obtained by Deadline, was also signed by dozens of other women who work for or were formerly employed by NBC, in capacities ranging from editors to executives, and technicians. Morning Joe co-host Mika Brzezinski also stated her support, writing “Add me to the list” in a Twitter post. We admit that we were not expecting this from some of the most visible, respected women in journalism — it undercuts the goals of the #MeToo movement in a very real way.
The letter reads, in part: “Tom has treated each of us with fairness and respect. He has given each of us opportunities for advancement and championed our successes throughout our careers.” It emphasizes that they believe his character to be morally credible and professional in the workplace. “Tom has been a valued source of counsel and support. We know him to be a man of tremendous decency and integrity.”
The letter stakes out a tenuous position for Maddow, Shriver, Mitchell, and Brezezinski. All four are highly visible presences on NBC and MSNBC. They are risking their credibility by supporting an alleged abuser. When Lena Dunham and Jenni Koner supportedGirls writer Murray Miller after actress Aurora Perrineau accused him of rape, the two were later forced to apologize for the statement. The lessons of the #MeToo movement should be unassailable by now: that our first instinct should be to trust and support women. Unfortunately, this letter does the exact opposite. It discourages victims from speaking out and shows them that their experience will be undermined by louder voices. And, most importantly, it keeps alleged abusers in power — where they may continue to target others.
Brokaw is accused of sexual harassment by two women: Linda Vester, a former NBC correspondent, and an anonymous woman. Both reported incidents that occured in the mid-1990s; Vester alleges that he made sexual advances towards her in a hotel room, the other claims that he groped her in the studio. Brokaw has denied the allegations but does not disputing that the meetings in question with Vester took place. He described Vester and being “coy” and called her a “character assassin.” Refinery29 has reached out to NBC for comment.
Earlier this week, Reid came back and claimed the posts had been hacked. According to her statement to Mediaite, Reid didn’t deny these posts were on her now-defunct blog, The Reid Report — but she said they’d been doctored and added by an “unknown, external party.”
But now she’s walking back the statement. On her Saturday morning show AM Joy, Reid acknowledged the scandal while admitting there actually hadn’t been solid evidence of outside tampering.
“I’ve spent a lot of time trying to make sense of these posts,” she said. “I hired cybersecurity experts to see if somebody had manipulated my words or my former blog. And the reality is they have not been able to prove it.”
Reid’s posts included a series of homophobic slurs lobbied at then-Florida Governor Charlie Crist, nicknaming him “Miss Charlie” and claiming he only married a woman for political reasons. She quickly issued an apology back in December — which Crist, now a congressman, accepted — and revisited that apology on the show Saturday, with an additional apology to Ann Coulter and the trans community for tweeting transphobic jokes about Coulter in 2010 and 2011.
“Here’s what I know: I genuinely do not believe I wrote those hateful things because they are completely alien to me,” she said. “But I can definitely understand, based on things I have tweeted and have written in the past, why some people don’t believe me.”
As she said, some might find Reid’s apology a bit tough to process. Not because of what she’s written or said — regressive, anti-LGBTQ rhetoric is equal parts harmful and outdated, and those posts have been widely denounced for good reason.
But because Reid’s redemption narrative rings a bit false when there’s a history of doing and saying these thingsover and over and over, making unsubstantiated, crass claims about everyone from Anderson Cooper to George W. Bush to Oprah Winfrey for years. In contrast to this weekend’s apology, these uncovered blog posts could expose an evolution of thought — Reid’s character development, so to speak. But it’s understandable for more cynical readers to see this as proof of yet another public figure with toxic rhetoric shaping our modern day discourse, offering up an apology without the action to back it up.
On her show, Reid said she wanted this to be a learning opportunity: “I’d like to think I’ve gotten better as a person over time,” she said. “That I’m still growing…And I know that my goal is to try to be a better person and a better ally.”
Even in a giant comic book spectacle filled with magic, aliens, and superpowers, Elizabeth Olsen’s Avengers costume is a bit unrealistic.
Olsen’s Scarlet Witch is one of the most powerful Avengers, holding her own on the battlefield next to heavyweights like Captain America and Black Panther. But the actress says her outfit could use an upgrade — namely, something that’s a little less revealing and a little bit more battle-ready.
"It would just not be a cleavage corset. I like corsets, but I'd like it to be higher,” she said in an interview with Elle. “Everyone has these things that cover them — Tessa Thompson does, Scarlett [Johansson] does. I would like to cover up a bit.”
As Olsen notes, she’s the only one showing off cleavage, something that hasn’t changed much since she first got her costume.
The tension between staying true to original character design while not objectifying women has existed since the superhero movie’s origins, although it’s come to light in recent years due to the success of Marvel and DC blockbusters.
“I think of the costumes and what we have to wear — it’s more about iconic images, because that's what these movies are,” Olsen said. “I think that's the goal with the costumes, and it's not representing the average woman."
In comics, costumes — especially for female heroes — are often overly sexualized and, if we’re being honest, extremely impractical for fighting groups of armed supervillains. In comparison, the films do strike much more of a balance. Olsen herself said that when she was first offered the role in Avengers: Age Of Ultron, director Joss Whedon made it absolutely clear she wouldn’t have to wear Scarlet Witch’s original exaggerated costume. Black Panther smartly upended expected tropes, like the Bond-esque “sexy casino scene,” to showcase the strength and ability of the all-women Dora Milaje. And like Johansson and Thompson, Brie Larson’s upcoming Captain Marvel looks like she’s primed for (possible interspace) battle.
But as these same actresses will gladly point out, there are still so many glass ceilings to break in comics and comic book movies when it comes to representing strong female characters. The least studios can do is make sure they’re dressed for the part.
Earlier this week, the president of France, Emmanuel Macron, and his wife, Brigitte Macron, arrived to the White House for a state visit with much pomp and circumstance. The visit brought us the first state dinner of the Trump administration — and gave the French first lady a chance to socialize with her American counterpart, Melania Trump.
The two first ladies got a chance to know one another, and Macron seems dazzled by Trump. Macron called her “really fun” and praised her sense of humor. “We have the same sense of humor. We laugh a lot together,” said Macron, according to the Guardian, which translated a French version of the interview from Le Monde.
Still, Macron mused that Trump is “constrained.” She said that the American first lady “can’t even open a window at the White House. She can’t go outside. She’s much more constrained than I am. I go out every day in Paris.”
Why would Trump be unable to leave the White House? Perhaps it is lost in translation, but Macron may been referencing the heavy security around the president’s family. The Secret Service works incredibly hard to protect the Trumps, but the security team also hinders their freedom. We’re not sure how the Secret Service compares with the French president’s security, but from Macron’s words, it seems much more intense.
Still, Macron emphasized that Trump is kind and cordial, and lamented the criticism that Trump receives. “Everything is interpreted, over-interpreted,” she said, and explained that Trump “works hard to hide” her “strong personality.” It’s true that the first lady keeps a much lower profile than her husband, but in private, she seems to be a sweet person, and that is worth remembering. By all accounts, Melania Trump is beloved by the career first lady staff, and these are folks who work with her every single day.
We’d love to see a bit of Trump’s personality shine through, but we know it may take time. In the meanwhile, we are heartened to hear that she treats those around her with kindness. We hope such kindness rubs off on other occupants of the White House.
Tracee Ellis Ross recently opened a TED conference with a talk titled “A woman’s fury holds lifetimes of wisdom.” According to the TED Talk website, her talk discusses how “the global collection of women's experiences can no longer be ignored.”
Most women — most people — can relate to instances where they’ve been angry but didn’t lash out. Often, women feel like they’re over exaggerating by getting angry. Who hasn’t had a man roll their eyes and utter the most ignorant question: “ Are you on your period?”
Ross opened her talk with an incident from a story a friend told her, about how a man at the post office physically moved her out of his way to grab an item. Her friend didn’t know how to react, but she did feel furious about the situation. Ross said she felt her friends pain and told the audience, “This fury is something that I have been chomping on since the last U.S. presidential election.”
The most important impactful point Ross makes comes when she calls on men to hold themselves accountable for their actions. Women have been dealing with men who don’t care about how their actions affect those around them; this issue with men abusing their power has been our reality for centuries.
“When someone helps themselves to a woman, it not only triggers discomfort and distress, but the unspoken experiences of our mothers' lives, sisters' lives and generations of women before us.”
Ross believes that there has been a shift in our culture and I agree with her. Women, and men as well, are tired of how those in power — who are disproportionately men — get away with bad behavior.
Her talk comes in light of recent news that Bill Cosby is guilty of three counts of assault. The deliberation took months to conclude and even though dozens of women have spoken out against Cosby, it took two trials and a massive public discussion for their stories to be seen as truth.
Ross concluded her talk by encouraging women to acknowledge their fury. “Your fury is not something to be afraid of. It holds lifetimes of wisdom. Let it breathe and listen.”
When the royally unfair news broke that despite being the Queen on a show about the British royal family, Foy was paid less than her male co-star Matt Smith, the show’s creators vowed that going forward “no one gets paid more than the Queen." Unfortunately, in the famous works of early 2000s JoJo, it’s just a little too late. It is one thing to attempt to do the right thing going forward after people find out, it is another to pursue pay parity from the beginning. If you want to do better, you should try to do it before someone calls you out for it.
Foy addressed the topic of the pay gap with the grace and poise of the role she has spent the last two years playing. A queen on screen and off. The actress admitted that prior to the #MeToo and Time’s Up movements and the increase in discussion surrounding women’s rights, she wasn’t asked about her experience as a woman in the entertainment industry or as a woman in general. While the pay gap is disheartening, Foy makes an excellent point. The fact that it is being talked about so publicly and with such support is itself an accomplishment worth celebrating. We can’t forget to notice the small things along the way. It isn’t the end goal we are striving for, but it is a huge part in getting there.
“If I don’t speak up and support myself, then no one else can,” said Foy. “It’s about being able to feel you can be your own advocate, and you can make a point, and you can say something without it being you being ‘difficult.’ It can actually just be you supporting yourself.”
Foy’s co-star Vanessa Kirby, who played Princess Margaret, credited her character for teaching her about herself and about the role of women in the world. Princess Margaret faces more than her fair share of barriers in life due to being a woman. This is kind of an understatement. I pretty much spent the entirety of season 1 and 2 rooting for Princess Margaret to catch a break. Kirby was inspired by Princess Margaret’s continued resilience. I think that trait is just as valuable now as it was then. Where would women’s rights be without resilience?
Both Foy and Kirby have honed in on what is worth celebrating as women fight for equality both in the workplace and outside of it. More importantly, it is a reminder that there are things to celebrate along the way and not just when we have completely achieved our goals.
Paris Hilton’s life is front and center in a new documentary, and it’s anything but simple.
The American Meme follows the hotel heiress and socialite, recapping the nearly two decades she’s spent in the public eye. Hilton, 37, rose to fame when she was 19 years old after a Vanity Fair photo shoot with her sister in 2000. She nabbed a starring role in the hit Fox reality show The Simple Life three years later, making her a household name.
But Hilton’s celebrity skyrocketed after a sex tape with then-boyfriend Rick Fallomon was leaked in 2004.
In the new film, Hilton opened up about the incident and talked about the trauma that lingered for years after.
“It was like being raped,” she says in the documentary. “It felt like I'd lost part of my soul and been talked about in such cruel and mean ways. I literally wanted to die at some points. I was like, ‘I just don't want to live,’ because I thought everything was taken away from me.”
The American Meme premiered at the 2018 Tribeca Film Festival on Friday with a post-screening Q&A featuring Hilton. She talked about how it was difficult to establish her own identity beyond what tabloids and reality TV producers asked of her, especially since she became famous before social media was a thing. She said the documentary was a rare opportunity to break beyond her mediated persona.
"When Bert [Marcus, the director] told me about this film, he basically said, ‘Paris, you're the OG of all this,’” she said. “I really trusted him and was very vulnerable about things I had never spoken about before, and basically just wanted to show the real me, because I don't think I ever have before.”
The American Meme explores the rise and pitfall of social media celebrity: people we call “influencers” whose popularity comes from an outsized online presence and the continuous, controlled access they offer into their personal lives. Hilton almost single-handedly pioneered this brand of fame. She invented being “famous for being famous”; before Instagram or the Kardashians, Hilton was the original reality star.
Meteorologists know that just because the calendar claims that summer is upon us, doesn't necessarily mean the weather will follow suit — and the same rule applies to this season's hair color trends. Even after what felt like 273 brutal days of winter this year, the accompanying bright, sun-kissed highlights that tend to come next are being traded in for something a little... warmer.
What can you expect? Moroccanoil celebrity colorist Lorri Goddard says the color forecast is, well, autumnal: Earthy tones (like copper, amber, and gold), subtle dimension, and whispers of creamy color that peek through when the sun (eventually) shines. "I don't want to say that ash has had its day, but we're seeing a huge shift in soft, warmer hues that emanate nature," she says.
Ahead, Goddard walks us through the hair color you're about to see everywhere.
"There are feelings of copper," explains Goddard. "You don't have to jump in completely. If you're brunette, maybe you introduce ribbons or swirls of the shade through your hair to experiment. Or, if you're blond, you can start with subtle hints of strawberry." The perfect example of the perfect kiss of copper color? Lucy Hale.
Goddard is responsible for Emmy Rossom's color here, which is equal parts subtle and striking. "We added some copper pieces on her [ends] that are really beautiful, but still believable on her naturally-curly hair," she says.
Colorist Cherin Choi crafted this look (and the main image for this story) by brightening her clients' base colors with well-blended pops of warmth.
Vernon François created this dreamy, grown-out look on Eve using a shiny, bold take on copper.
To yield the most natural-looking results, Goddard suggests asking your colorist for babylights. "That's all about subtlety, and working a variety of hues into the hair in small, finer pieces," she says.
Why risk major damage with all-over bleach when a touch of copper can have major impact?
Colorist Kari Hill added a touch of copper to her client's fringe and face-framing sections for one of the coolest takes we've seen.
Even a hint of this color goes a long way, like you can see here with Lily Aldridge's subtle copper ombré.
Color Trend: Strawberry Blond
The strawberry blond look that's trending now isn't your average peach or rose gold hue. Like Paris Jackson's hair, it has warmth weaved in. "Instead of doing a neon version, take the tone down a bit to be a hint of strawberry," Goddard says. "That's going to be everyone's best skin-enhancer."
You might call it cream soda hair, but we call Gigi Hadid's warm highlights the perfect first step to achieving something with more depth, like a strawberry-spiked blond.
Strategically placed pops of pink can also take your standard golden color to the next level.
Color Trend: Amber
Not too red, but not too blond — these amber-toned highlights are rich, flattering, and glossy. "If you have a darker skin tone, start with a gorgeous copper base, then enhance with a deep amber tone," Goddard says.
What's ultra-flattering and amber all over? This rad color done by celeb colorist Marcia Hamilton.
Fun fact: Balayage works for amber tones, too.
The key to keeping a soft, amber highlight as natural as possible? "Keep the color soft around the scalp, then intensify it on the ends," Goddard says.
Pro tip: You can warm up grown-out highlights with this trending shade.
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There are jokes that land with a boom, and there are jokes that land like an egg falling off the counter. Comedian Michelle Wolf hosted the 2018 White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and her monologue went in both directions. Her best and worst jokes elicited a variety of groans from the crowd. She held nothing back — attacking everyone from White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders to congressional Dems and Ivanka Trump. Wolf’s most biting remarks, though, were directed towards the president himself, who was not in attendance.
Wolf attacked President Donald Trump’s affinity for alleged extramarital affairs (and subsequent payoffs), quipping that, “Like a porn star says when she’s getting ready to have sex with Trump: ‘Let’s get this over with!’” She also joked that, as a woman, she won’t shut up “unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000.” Meanwhile, Trump was in Washington, Michigan (oh, clever!), speaking to a friendly crowd at a rally. “Is this better than that phony Washington White House Correspondents’ [Dinner]?” The crowd roared. “Is this more fun?”
Her most brilliant jokes were the ones that attacked the complicity of the women in the Trump administration. Wolf said that Kellyanne Conway has the “perfect last name. Conway. Con way.” Ivanka, ostensibly intended to be an advocate for women in the White House, is “about as helpful [to women] as a box of empty tampons.” Wolfe directly challenged the fecklessness of these women, who are working for a president that is actively, publicly misogynistic.
Wolf also directed her fire at Sanders. Those jokes are considered the most controversial of the set; Sanders, who was seated near Wolf, was visibly upset with her remarks. Wolf quipped that she loved Sanders as “Aunt Lydia in The Handmaid’s Tale. Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it.” Wolf directly challenged Sanders on lack of truthfulness. She said that Sanders “burns facts” and “uses the ashes to create” her signature smoky eye makeup. This roasting elicited boos from the crowd, but we admit that given Sanders’ track record of candor, it’s a fair target. Still, was it fair for Wolf to reference Sanders’ appearance? We would have preferred if she avoided the smoky eye joke; Sanders’ history of distorting facts is material enough.
As is customary, Wolf also burned the press in attendance. She said the obvious, most uncomfortable truth about President Trump: that he sells newspapers and gets ratings. “You guys are obsessed with Trump,” she said, attacking the press’ nonstop coverage. “Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him but I think you love him.” Wolfe is right — they know that audiences are hungry for Trump content, and the press is making money because of it. And in order to cover the president, journalists require access. This may be why journalists like Maggie Haberman of the New York Times are criticizing Wolf’s monologue: they are subtly trying to protect their access.
There was one person that notably escaped Wolf’s wrath: Melania Trump. Wolf didn’t crack a single roast towards the first lady. We’re not sure if this was just an oversight, or if she was specifically instructed to leave Melania out of the set. Melania is, to an extent, an apolitical figure, and figuratively (and literally) distances herself from the president. Either way, Wolf had plenty of material from everyone else in the administration. You can watch her monologue below.
In Refinery29'sSweet Digs, we take a look inside the sometimes small, sometimes spacious homes of millennial city dwellers. Today, 34-year-old Megan West shows us around her Carroll Gardens one-bedroom apartment.
When you grow up with parents who made a side hustle out of renovating fix-me-ups, it makes sense that interior design is just built into your blood. "I feel like I grew up in Home Depot, you know?" associate creative director Megan West said. "I was picking out siding and wallpapers and things like that."
So when Megan was finally able to get her own place without roommates, she knew exactly what she wanted to do, filling the kitchen with plants to remind her of her Floridian childhood while keeping the bedroom minimal and pristine. "I was excited to be able to live alone after almost ten years in New York with roommates," Megan said. "I felt like it was a special experience decorating my apartment with my own point of view."
Watch the video above to hear about how she laid out her space and how she met her boyfriend in the neighborhood. Then read ahead to see where she gets her inspiration, and how exactly she found her cozy #megnest.
So this is your first apartment without any roommates! How did you plan for that transition?
"I knew I wanted to live alone, so I started looking a year before I moved, just to see what market value was for the areas I wanted to live. Then, I started saving that extra amount of money I'd be spending on rent to make sure I didn’t have to make any lifestyle adjustments. So by the time I found my current apartment, I knew it was a good deal."
What made you want to move into your own space?
"I paint on the side, so I was looking to get studio space. But when you look at all the bills that come with it, it felt like having a spacious one-bedroom in the apartment would be worth it. So this apartment is a little bit more than I anticipated on spending, but it's still cheaper than getting a separate studio space. I've created a little art nook, and it's become my sanctuary."
What have you learned about yourself, having lived alone this past year?
"I'm a huge homebody, and that's why living alone is worth it to me. I'm actually home on the weekends, and I'd much rather invite people over and cook dinner for them. I think living alone also builds character. You're navigating through different things and making decisions on your own, and that was something I wanted to be able to do.
"I'm really lucky that I had the means to save money in order to live alone. I lived with roommates for the better part of my 30 years, so this helped make me feel like I was making more financially sound decisions. Obviously I aspire to have a mortgage one day, but this is the now."
Can you talk about your thought process behind decorating your place?"
"It's a really exciting experience to not have to compromise and decorate it exactly I want. That being said, it's definitely a process. I live within my means, so I try to acquire things very thoughtfully. I'll leave a wall blank until I find pieces that I feel are meaningful for me, instead of just putting something up temporarily. I've been able to acquire a lot of my favorite pieces for less by shopping second-hand or vintage on Craigslist or eBay."
Where do you get your inspiration?
"I'm still sort of old-school in a way because I create mood boards, digital and physical. I love museums. My inspiration isn't so on the nose, but I'll look at a painting and I'll think wow, I really love fire engine red paired with pale pink, and that can inspire the pillows I buy for my couch or something like that. I'll also find artwork and inspiration on Pinterest and Instagram. Right now I'm following @consortdesign, a friend's design company that's always ahead of the curve, @kateberryberry, a former coworker who has an incredible eye for all things style, @oldnymag, @zanzaneyewear, and@jimmymarble, a photographer who has an amazing playful sense and bold use of color."
Where do you shop?
"I'll look to Adaptations in Greenpoint and Porter James. They go to a lot of estate sales and and fine one-of-a-kind vintage items that will add dimension to any apartment outside of the West Elm, Ikea regulars. Consort is a huge one right now for me; a really good friend of mine started it. They just have an incredible eye and I always love just seeing the way they put together things even in store, and for their clients."
Who has taught you the most about interior design?
"It's just more of like being around it so much growing up. My mom is really good at incorporating textures and making things feel three dimensional, and looking at color palates and extracting weird color combos that you wouldn't normally do."
How do you stay organized in such a small space?
"I'm not a big piler, but if I do they're somewhat in like or in organized fashion, within the space they should be. I just grew up with parents who instilled the thought that the things you have in your life are valuable. You shouldn’t be throwing them on the floor. So that just carried into adulthood for me. I like to unpack as soon as I get home from a trip."
What do you want in your next apartment?
I mean, I am pretty lucky. I guess it would be amazing to have a bathtub; I've never actually lived in an apartment in New York where I could take a bath."
But not more space?
"No, it's just enough space for me, and it's inspiring to have that after so many years of not."
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You never want something until you can't have it. So, each week inThe Sell-Out, we're getting the scoop from your favorite retailers on what's selling like crazy. Watch this space to find out what everyone's buying, sign up for wait lists, and keep tabs on restocks.
If there's two things we can never seem to get enough of, it's Nordstrom, and leggings. So, what happens when one of our favorite British activewear brands teams up with one of our favorite retailers? A sell-out product line, of course. Sweaty Betty, the London-based label that many Americans have come to be obsessed with, launched on Nordstrom last Thursday. By Sunday, one of its most exciting products was already (temporarily) sold out.
In celebration of its 20th birthday, it's the brand's new hero product of the month, the Union Jack Ankle legging, that's been flying off of the virtual shelves. But this black legging isn't your typical black legging: It features a UK-inspired graphic down the bottom half of the leg and goes for $135. Fitness influencers around the world, from Rocky Barnes and Alyssa Lynch to Ruthie Fonseca and Megan Mitchell, have already been sporting it, which might have to do with its instant popularity. As of now, they're only still available in XS and S, but we bet there will be a restock coming soon (and you best believe we'll keep you posted). Click ahead to shop them while they're hot.
On one hand, it is saddening to think that there are so many women who are being harassed and assaulted who are without the means to pursue justice. On the other, it is stirring to see thousands of women advocating for themselves. “The more people who come out and say me too, we will not only change society, but we will change the law,” said Roberta Kaplan, one of the cofounders of the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund at the panel.
In the first two months of fundraising, Time’s Up raised $21 million for its defense fund. Net proceeds from the Tribeca Film Festival event also went directly to the fund, administered by the National Women’s Law Center, to further help women cover legal fees. According to NPR, the fund works like a matchmaking service to pair women with local attorneys. Many lawyers are offering to represent these women on a pro bono basis or for a reduced fee. While the movement was born on the red carpet, it was never intended to stay there. The fund was created predominantly for low-income women across all industries. So far, over 60 industries are represented among the more than 2,500 women ranging from hotel staff to the military to steelworkers to women working in tech in the Silicon Valley.
Ashley Judd, one of the first actresses to publicly accuse Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault, shared an essay with the audience. “The facts do remain the facts,” she said. “But we know our preciousness and our fierceness. Healing, dammit, is our birthright.”
Welcome toMoney Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.
Today: an administrator working in office technology who makes $36,000, per year and spends some of her paycheck this week on bath bombs.
Occupation: Administrator Industry: Office Technology Age: 35 Location: Buffalo, NY MySalary: $36,000 My Husband's Salary: $75,000 CombinedPaycheck Amount (Biweekly): ~$3,400. (Sometimes more if my husband gets overtime.)
Monthly Expenses Mortgage: $1400 Husband's Student Loan Payment: $156 Car Payment: $300 Cell Phone: $145. (My company reimburses me $75 of this.) Cable & Internet: $160 Car Insurance: $185, for two cars Electric & Gas: $140 My Husband's Gym Membership: $30 My Barre Studio Membership: $125 Lowe's Credit Card: $200 (0% interest credit card for 24 months, from our bathroom remodel.) Netflix: $13.99 Apple Music: $14.99 for the family plan My Son's Drum Lessons: $60 (He has one lesson per week.) My Son's Taekwondo Classes: $112 (He goes three to four days a week.) Health, Vision & Dental Insurance: $275, taken out of our paychecks HSA Account: $25 per paycheck Dependent Care Flex Spending Account: $35 per paycheck, pretax. (We use this to pay for summer camp.) 401(k): We both contribute 6%, which is matched by our employers. Roth IRA: $200 Savings: $1,000-$1,500, depending on overtime and expenses. (We split this between an eFund, new house down payment, and travel accounts.)
Additional Expenses Water & Garbage: $200/quarter Amazon Prime: $99/year
Day One
5:30 a.m. — I'm up early today, because we have an event at work that I need to set up for. I pour myself coffee while our dog and two cats pace and beg for breakfast, so I feed them and then start getting ready for work. I wake up my husband, M., and our 9-year-old son, J., and get J.'s breakfast started before I leave. Since it's early and I have a long day ahead of me, I swing by Starbucks to grab more coffee. I text a coworker who is meeting me at the office to see if she wants anything. I get a blonde roast with cream for myself, and skinny vanilla latte for her. I use my app to pay. $7.29
11 a.m. — We have a lunch event today at work. Yay, free lunch! I have chicken, roasted veggies, a big salad, and a couple mini meatballs. The event is well-attended and since I came in early to set up, a few coworkers step up to break things down and clean up.
3:30 p.m. — I leave work a little early so I can stop at the grocery store before picking my son up from his after computer class at school. I go to Wegmans and get stuff for dinner and few things we're out of. Rotisserie chicken, lettuce, crumbled blue cheese, and avocado for Cobb salads tonight, plus yogurt, strawberries, turkey, provolone cheese from the deli, sparkling water, and milk. $44.52
4:30 p.m. — I have a little time before picking up my son, so I stop at Marshalls to browse. I find a pair of workout leggings that are on clearance and also get a tank. (I need a whole outfit, right?!) I pick up my son and when we get home, he does his homework while I prep dinner. I make homemade salad dressing, boil eggs, and cook bacon in the air fryer (best kitchen gadget, ever). M. gets home from work and takes the dog for a quick walk around the block. (Our pup is getting old and can only handle being out in the cold for a short time before his hips start really bothering him.) When he gets home, he helps me put the salads together and J. sets the table. We eat and clean up, and then M. helps J. with the rest of his homework while I take a hot bath. $28.25
9 p.m. — My son goes to bed and M. and I cozy up on the couch to watch Netflix. We want to start a new series but can't agree on one, so we end up watching Big Daddy on TV. While half paying attention, I look at my email and see our credit card statement has posted, which means we should now have enough points to pay for a good portion of our plane tickets for our trip to the Bahamas later this year. (We've already booked the resort for four nights.) I hop online and get three roundtrip tickets, and it only costs $203 after points. After the movie is over, I head to bed while M. stays up to watch the end of a hockey game. $203
Daily Total: $283.06
Day Two
6 a.m. — My alarm goes off and I'm actually feeling well-rested. I make coffee, feed the animals, and get ready for work. M. gets up and makes J.'s lunch; he asks me if I want anything, but I have lunch plans with a friend today. I wake up J. and help him with his breakfast. We try to teach him independence, because when you have an only child it's easy to just do everything for them, but sometimes it's just faster to help! He wants a smoothie, so we make one with frozen banana, fresh blueberries, strawberries, oats, spinach, plain Greek yogurt, a dash of cinnamon, and drizzle of honey. He loves it and I feel good sending him to school with that in his belly, instead of the Lucky Charms he was begging for!
8:30 a.m. — In the office I play a bit of catch up, since I was busy all week planning for the event yesterday. The morning goes by quick and I've cleaned out most of my inbox. I head down to the cafeteria to grab coffee. There's free coffee in our building, which isn't great ... but it's free.
12:30 p.m. — I meet my friend for a belated birthday lunch (mine was over a month ago, but we've been busy!). We go to a new poke bowl place and I order a bowl with cauliflower rice, ahi tuna, cucumber, bean sprouts, avocado, and this delicious spicy ginger soy sauce. My friend pays as a birthday treat! I take a longer-than-usual lunch break, since we're busy catching up. Thankfully, my office is really chill, and as long as I get my work done, my boss doesn't care if I'm not there from exactly 8 to 5 everyday.
2 p.m. — Back at the office, I get an email from Ulta about a gift with purchase deal. I order moisturizer, add mascara, lipstick, and two bubble baths (buy-one-get-one 50% off) to qualify for free shipping. $58.15
5 p.m. — Leave the office to head to a barre class. I like to go four times a week, but I've been busy and it's only my first class this week! I get a good workout in (abs were killer today!) and head home for a quick shower before dinner. My husband works from home on Thursdays, so he's in charge of dinner tonight. He makes tacos and they are just what I need.
8 p.m. — M. is getting ready to go out and meet friends to watch college basketball. His alma mater is in the tournament, so he's pretty pumped. The game is on late, but he's off tomorrow, so he decides to go out. He stops at the ATM to take out $40 for drinks. I put our son to bed early, take a bath (this is my stress reliever almost nightly in the cold months!), and watch Top Chef. I'm not super into it, so I mostly text with my friend who is getting married this summer. I'm sending her bridesmaid dress ideas, because she isn't sure what she wants us to wear. $40
11:45 p.m. — M. texts me to say the game is over, and he Ubers home ($8.50). I'm in bed already sleeping, but I wake up when he gets home, and he's really excited about the outcome of the game. I really just want to sleep, because I signed up for a 6 a.m. barre class tomorrow and the alarm will be going off in less than six hours. He gets the hint and lets me go back to sleep. $8.50
Daily Total: $106.65
Day Three
5:15 a.m. — My alarm goes off and and I consider shutting it off and canceling my barre class...but I know I'll regret it. I get up, splash cool water on my face, and get my workout clothes on. I pour a coffee to drink on the way to the studio, but it's way too hot and I only have a sip before class starts.
6:45 a.m. — I make it through my workout and I'm happy that I didn't bail. But I need caffeine, so I stop at a local coffee shop. I order a bulletproof coffee (with grass-fed butter and coconut oil), a muffin for J., and a caramel latte for M. J. is off from school today, so M. is taking the day off to stay home with him. J. is wide awake and playing video games already when I get home, and M. is still in bed (and probably hungover!). I give J. his muffin and tell him to cool it on the games, since it's barely 7 a.m. Take a quick shower, dry shampoo the heck out of my hair, and head to work. $12.30
11:30 a.m. — I've been busy all morning and have to work on a project with a coworker. She stops by my office to discuss what we're going to order to eat (ya know, the important things), and we decide on salads from a build-your-own deli bar. We call to place the order, and I get a salad with a spicy buffalo chicken, blue cheese, celery, banana peppers, and balsamic dressing. She orders a salad with salmon, sprouts, cucumber, and feta. I head out to pick them up. I pay, but will expense it, since it's a working lunch. ($32.12 expensed)
3 p.m. — My husband calls me to see if we want to have another couple over for dinner tonight. He offers to shop and cook, and he's already cleaned the house, so I'm all for it! He runs to the store to get stuff for homemade pizzas – his specialty! I make the dough and he tops the pizzas. I know there are two dough balls in the freezer, so it will be easy. We have a bunch of stuff on hand, so we only need (more) cheese, red onion, mushrooms, and steak, plus stuff for a antipasto tossed salad (romaine, olives, ham, salami, pepperoncini, and canned artichoke hearts). He also grabs a 12-pack of beer ($55.20). I stop and grab two bottles of wine on my way home ($23.14). $78.34
7 p.m. — Our friends come over and we have drinks and catch up, and the guys watch basketball. My friend and I put together the salad and keep my son entertained. (They don't have kids yet...so J. has to hang with the adults tonight.) M. cooks the pizzas and everything is really good. I have too much wine before dinner, so I switch to sparkling water while everyone else enjoys a post-dinner cocktail. Our friends brought over cookies from a local bakery, so we each have a few for dessert. I put J. to bed and join the adults for more basketball-watching, though I don't really pay attention. They leave pretty late and I'm exhausted, since I was up so early today!
Daily Total: $90.64
Day Four
9:30 a.m. — I wake up, look at the clock, and am SHOCKED that I slept so late. I'm always up by 7 or 7:30, even on weekends. God bless my son, who woke up and fed the animals, which allowed me to sleep. (The kitten usually pounces on my bed in the morning when he wants to eat.) I don't even care that J.'s likely been up for hours playing video games. I planned to go to a 10 a.m. barre cardio class, but I don't want to rush around, so I cancel and schedule a class for tomorrow at 11. M. wakes up shortly after me (the man would sleep all morning if I let him!) and we talk about our plans for the day. He's going to the gym, doing a few projects around the house, and wants to get his haircut. I tell him he should take J., too. I'm just going to run errands today and then take J. over to my parents' house later for a sleepover. Looking forward to date night!
11 a.m. — I head out to make a few returns at Kohl's. I have a gift card from a Christmas return, and also a 30% off coupon. I buy sneakers for J. and a long cardigan and bra for myself. After the discount, return credit, and gift card, my total is only $7.18! $7.18
12:30 p.m. — Swing into Target for my biweekly trip. I get laundry detergent, Method spray cleaner, paper towels, tissues, Dove soap, cotton balls, Essie nail polish, a deep conditioning hair treatment mask, eye makeup remover, Advil, a couple clearance throw pillows for the living room, and a set of cloth napkins. I'm always happy when I make it out of Target without spending over $100! $98.45
3 p.m. — I get home and realize I haven't eaten. We have late dinner plans tonight with friends, and I know drinks will be involved beforehand. I make myself a late lunch so I'm not drinking on an empty stomach. Taco salad with leftovers from dinner the other night. M. calls to say the barber's credit card machine isn't working, so he asks me to Venmo his barber the money (he's a friend of M.'s). I send the $26 to cover the haircuts, and M. has enough cash to tip. $26
5 p.m. — My mom ends up coming to pick up J. for his sleepover, since she's in the neighborhood. M. and I finish getting ready and walk to a local bar to meet our friends for drinks before dinner. It's St. Patrick's Day AND the local college made it to round two of March Madness, so the first bar we go to is packed and full of drunk college kids. We get one drink each and decide we need to find someplace else to hang. M. picks up the round for the four of us. $33
6:30 p.m. — We find a quieter bar/restaurant across the street where we have a couple more drinks and watch the basketball game. The drinks are delicious (and not served out of plastic cups, like at the first bar!). I get a gin, elder flower liqueur, and grapefruit drink to start and then a champagne cocktail next. My girlfriend gets a couple mojitos, and the guys drink beer. Our friend buys the next couple rounds of drinks, and we cover the Uber to the restaurant. $18.55
8 p.m. — We arrive for dinner and our table isn't quite ready, so yet another round of drinks! The restaurant is really cool. The entire kitchen is open and viewable from the bar, so it's fun to hang and watch the action. Once we sit, we decide to share pickled shrimp as an appetizer. For my entrée, I order the truffle mac and cheese and a Caesar salad, which is enough to feed a family, so I share it with the rest of the table. My husband gets the burger and gives me half in exchange for some of my pasta. Everything is delicious. The desserts sound amazing, but we're all so full (of both food and alcohol!), so we get the check and call it a night. We split everything down the middle, since we all had similar items and drinks. Our half is $125, including about a 20% tip. Our friend gets the Uber and we head home for the evening. $125
Daily Total: $308.18
Day Five
8 a.m. — I wake up feeling pretty decent considering the amount of alcohol I had last night. I drink a big glass of water and take a couple Advil and a vitamin while I brew coffee. Even though I feel pretty good, I'm not feeling barre, but I don't want to cancel again. I see there are spots open for the 9:30 class and decide to switch to that one and just get it over with. If I wait until the 11 o'clock class, I'll likely to park it on the couch and not move all afternoon!
10:30 a.m. — Sweating out the alcohol was a good choice, and I feel even better now. When I get home, M. is just getting out of the shower and asks if I want to go to brunch. I'm always up for brunch, but we spent a lot of money last night, so I offer to cook at home instead. We agree that's probably a better idea. I take a quick shower while M. makes us Bloody Marys. I make a sweet potato and brussels sprout hash with bacon, onion, and a couple poached eggs on top. It's really good and cures the rest of my hangover.
1 p.m. — We head over to my parents to pick up J. from his sleepover. I stop into Whole Foods on the way because I need to get more of my probiotic. We also get a multivitamin for J. and a few bath bombs. $45.50
3 p.m. — After visiting with my parents for a bit we stop at Wegmans to stock up for the week. I decide to make shepherd's pie for dinner. We get ground lamb, boneless chicken thighs, bacon, eggs, milk, half and half, butter, sour cream, orange juice, a brick of cheddar cheese, cauliflower, potatoes, onion, carrots, a cucumber, cherry tomatoes, spinach, apples, bananas, blueberries, ham, Swiss cheese from the deli, ranch dressing, mayo, apple juice boxes, tomato paste, Goldfish, oatmeal, bread, creamy peanut butter, canned tuna, Halo Top ice cream, a bag of frozen peas, and a few cans of cat food. $117.63
4:30 p.m. — Settle in at home and put away the groceries with J. (This is one of J.'s chores, and he's naturally complaining.) M. starts laundry while I prep dinner and boil eggs for the week. (We all love hard boiled eggs!) Once dinner is in the oven, I sit down to read a little bit, but can't get into the book I started so I end up playing Mario Kart with J. and M. I lose, badly...like always!
6:30 p.m. — We eat dinner and clean up. I made two big pans of shepherd's pie, so we'll have lots of leftovers for lunch this week. I package up a couple single serving containers for both myself and M. J. gets in the shower and M. makes tuna salad for J. to bring for lunch tomorrow. (He's on a big tuna sandwich kick, and they're a pain to make in the morning while we're all rushing around, so we like to prep the night before.)
8 p.m. — J. goes to bed early. (He's always exhausted after sleeping over at grandma and grandpa's.) M. and I decide to start watching Sneaky Pete on Amazon, and it's pretty good. We watch two episodes before heading to bed. I play around on my phone before I fall asleep and see that I got 40% coupon from Gap in my email. J. needs new school uniform pants because all of his are getting short, so I order him two pairs along with a spring jacket (if spring weather ever comes to Buffalo!). I earn $20 in Gap Cash. $52.69
Daily Total: $215.82
Day Six
5:45 a.m. — Monday is the one day I can't be late, as we have our weekly sales meeting. Typical routine of coffee, dealing with the animals, and taking a quick shower. I wake J. up and he pours himself a bowl of cereal. M. gets up and I kiss him goodbye as he jumps in the shower. I actually make it out of the house early today, so I decide to treat myself to Starbucks. I order an herbal tea and pay with my app. $2.66
8 a.m. — I try not to fall asleep during the meeting. These things usually last about 45 minutes, or an hour max, but everyone is chatty today and we're in the conference room until almost 10 a.m. I have a call I need to be on at 10:30, so I rush to gather my notes. After that's over, I decide to take an early lunch break because I have errands to run and want to beat the lunchtime traffic.
11:15 a.m. — I run to the mall because I have a sweater to exchange at Banana Republic, but they don't have it in the size I need. I pick out a different top and get a pair of socks that are on sale near the register. The difference is only $2.87. I then return a coat at Sears that I ordered from Lands End. I really like the coat, but the zipper is a pain in the butt. (I read this in the reviews and should have listened!) The girl who does my return said they've been getting so many returned for the same reason. My credit card will be credited $100.55. While at the mall I have to stop by LUSH for a couple bath bombs. They are my weakness. Since I take baths almost nightly, I can't afford to use them all that often, but I like to buy a couple and save them for splurge nights in the tub! I get three and it sets me back $24.85. $27.72
2 p.m. — Back in the office, I finish up my leftover shepherd's pie at my desk. My husband texts me to remind me that we need dog food. I go online to Chewy.com to place an order and decide to get cat food too so that I reach the $50 threshold to get free shipping. I forgot that I have a $20 coupon on my account for a lost item in my last order, so the total is $41.15 after the credit. (Chewy has amazing customer service! Not only did they issue me a refund to my credit card for the lost item, they also gave me a $20 credit for the inconvenience.) $41.15
3:45 p.m. — I leave early to get my son off the bus. The bus is late, per usual. Once J.'s home I make sure he eats a good snack, since he has taekwondo at 5:30 and won't eat dinner until after. He has a banana, yogurt and peanuts, which should tide him over for a bit. I drop him off at the gym and go to a local coffee shop to read. (Sometimes I stay at the gym and watch him, but it's always really loud and I have a bit of headache, so I need peace and quiet.) I order a tea ($2.12) and sit by the window. It's freezing outside, but the sun is warm and the vitamin D lifts my mood and helps my headache! $2.12
6:45 p.m. — Back home I make omelets for dinner for myself and J. (M. works late on Mondays, so he won't be home until after 8). I put spinach, mushrooms, and Swiss in mine, and ham and cheddar in J.'s. We eat them along with bacon and blueberries. We almost always have breakfast for dinner ("brinner") on Mondays, since it's quick after taekwondo. I clean up while J. does homework. When he's done, I let him play video games for a bit if he reads for 25 minutes first. I break out one of my LUSH bath bombs and relax in the tub.
8:30 p.m. — J. gets ready for bed while I fold laundry. When M. comes home from work, he hangs out in J.'s room and chats with him before bed. We retire to the couch and watch last night's episode of Homeland. I'm ready for bed early, but since M. worked late, he's still wound up from the day, so he heads down to the basement to play guitar.
Daily Total: $73.65
Day Seven
6:30 a.m. — I get to sleep in a little today! I have a doctor's appointment at 9, so I'm going into the office late. I make coffee, feed the animals, and let the dog out. J. wants oatmeal for breakfast, so I help him with that. We make a double batch so M. can have some too. I put mashed banana, cinnamon, honey, and vanilla in it. M. wakes up and is appreciative of his hot breakfast. M. leaves to take J. to school and then head to work, and I finish getting ready and head out myself.
9 a.m. — I get to the doctor on time and wait in the waiting room for a good 20 minutes before being called. Everything is good and I schedule my appointment for my next yearly physical, so I don't forget or skip it! On my way to the work, I stop at the gas station and fill my tank. $26
1 p.m. — My officemate and I head down to the cafeteria to eat lunch (more leftover shepherd's pie). We chat about her recent trip to Spain, and I make a mental note to discuss with M. a savings plan to get to Europe ASAP!
4:45 p.m. — Get ready to head out for the day and change for barre class in the office locker room. I'm taking a quick 40-minute express class at 5:15. M. will pick J. up from his after school club and we should all get home around the same time. While I'm waiting for class to start, I check our bank account and see that M.'s expense reimbursement ($268) was deposited from last month. He was traveling a bit, so had more expenses than normal. We use our joint account for almost everything, but each keep a separate card for work expenses, gifts for each other, and other things like that. I text him to tell him to pay off his card. (I keep track of all of our spending and do 99% of the bill paying, but don't have a log-in for his individual card.)
6:30 p.m. — I pull in the driveway and see that the neighbor's dog is running down the street. He comes running up to me, so I'm able to grab him and walk him home. The owners are so grateful and had no idea that he got out through the fence, AGAIN. Back at the house, the boys have started dinner. We're having leftover chili and cornbread muffins.
9 p.m. — My BFF texts me that she got her credit card bill from when she bought us Justin Timberlake tickets (the concert isn't until October), so I Venmo her what I owe ($150). M. and I decide to not just veg out in front of the TV for once, so he pours us each a glass of wine and we sit and chat and research a long weekend vacation destination for the summer. We're thinking either Chicago or Montreal, but then table that discussion, because we decide to include J. in the planning. We also want to start planning an adults only, all-inclusive trip for next spring, since M. will turn 40 next year. After looking at beautiful resorts for an hour and reading a bunch of reviews, we've narrowed it down to three. I email a friend who's a travel agent to see if she has any thoughts or other suggestions, and ask what kind of prices she can get us. $150
11 p.m. — We head to bed to dream about palm trees and white sand beaches! I wash my face, do my nightly skincare routine, and fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow.
Daily Total: $176
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DeAngelo is said to have had “a volatile relationship ” with his estranged wife, Sharon Huddle. An anonymous neighbor told the Mercury News that he could hear DeAngelo and Huddle screaming at each other; DeAngelo even yelled at her from the driveway outside the home. The neighbor called their arguments “epic” and said that the family was an “unstable household.”
To be clear, there is no evidence of physical domestic violence in this portrait of DeAngelo and Huddle. Ostensibly, investigators are still constructing a profile of his life, so reports of domestic violence may come out later, but current reports do indicate that he was emotionally abusive towards his wife.
DeAngelo was also reportedly obsessed with an ex-fiancée named Bonnie. He apparently proposed to Bonnie, but for unknown reasons, they never married. One of his rape victims told police that after he attacked her 1976, he yelled “I hate you, Bonnie,” and cried into a pillow. Police were stymied about the identity of Bonnie until DeAngelo was caught and investigators pieced together his history.
Devin Patrick Kelley, who killed 26 people at a church in Texas last year, was court-martialed and dishonorably discharged from the Air Force for beating his wife and cracking their baby’s skull.
It’s not just mass shooters or serial killers that have a history of domestic violence. Garden-variety domestic murderers are overwhelmingly male and their victims are overwhelming their female partners. TheAtlantic, citing a 2017 report from the Centers for Disease Control, found that 55% of women murdered were killed by former and current partners or their families. Of that pool, 93% of those victims were killed by an intimate current or former romantic partner. 30% of the time, the couple had argued right before the murder. “We found that approximately one in 10 victims of intimate-partner-violence-related homicide experienced some form of violence in the preceding month,” said Emiko Petrosky, a CDC official, to NPR regarding this report.
These statistics should ring alarm bells. Scientific and anecdotal data shows a clear link between domestic violence and homicide of many types. If we want to prevent mass shootings and serial killing sprees, as well as intimate partner violence, we should look in the home first.
We need to acknowledge that toxic masculinity, abuse, and homicide go hand in hand. When men are taught to react to situations with unbridled anger, that anger leads to violence. We know this, we see it every single day. Men who abuse women describe feeling enraged, with insecurity as a trigger. Our culture demands that men be tough, emotionally hardened, and ready to use violence to achieve a goal. That dangerous combination leads to abuse — and, in some men, homicidal behavior.
It’s upsetting to see so many reports of domestic violence in the history of killers. We can clearly see a moment where intervention could have saved lives. Had the abuser been incarcerated or monitored by police, it’s possible that they could have stopped the killer before they killed. The #MeToo movement implores us to listen to women, to believe women, and to defend women. Women like Yusufiy and Huddle endured violence that they never should have — and law enforcement did nothing to protect them. In both cases, the culturally pervasive indifference towards violence against women had deadly consequences for many other people.
If you are experiencing domestic violence, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotlineat 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224 for confidential support.
It seems like a new beauty craze crops up practically every day, but there’s a reason some have staying power. And in the case of tea as a beauty staple, that staying power has lasted a very, very long time. “Tea is the world's most ancient remedy,” says Lev Glazman, cofounder of Fresh. “It was discovered thousands of years ago in China, where people cultivated its use as a medicine, as a ritual, as an art form.”
Turns out the world’s most popular beverage has plenty of beauty perks. “Tea makes for a great ingredient because it has wonderful benefits for the skin,” says Debra Jaliman, MD, dermatologist and author of Skin Rules. It’s packed with powerful antioxidants, as well as anti-inflammatory and anti-aging benefits, plus it’s effective and gentle, making it perfect for all skin types. “There are so many different varietals when it comes to tea,” says Lori Leib, creative director of Bodyography Professional Cosmetics. “Whether you decide to incorporate herbal, black, green, white, or red tea, you will receive unique benefits from each.”
Of course, drinking tea and applying tea bags directly on your skin is good for you, too. “Applying it topically soothes irritation caused by sun damage, razor burn, bug bites, or tired and puffy eyes,” says Leib. “When used topically, green tea neutralizes damage done by exposure to UV rays and contains vitamin K, which helps reduce dark circles and puffiness in the eyes.”
For small areas, such as under the eyes, or on little bumps, use one or two tea bags, steep them in hot water first, let them cool, and apply to the area. For larger areas, steep eight to 10 tea bags in a concentrated amount of hot water. Once all the tea bags are room temperature, wrap them in muslin, kitchen gauze, or an old T-shirt, and apply to the area.
Of course, you could also just make life easier by buying one of the tea-infused products ahead...
Puffy skin? Stick this mask in the fridge before using for instant soothing. Infused with blue lotus, white tea, and Asian botanicals, the natural fiber mask delivers antioxidants and minerals to fight free radicals and improve skin texture, while white mulberry brightens and anise firms, hydrates, and renews. “White tea contains the same types of antioxidants as green tea, but in greater quantity,” says Dr. Jaliman. “Antioxidants protect the body from damage by free radicals. Free radicals wreak havoc on your body, damaging DNA, collagen, and elastic tissue, and accelerate aging and wrinkling. Antioxidants scoop them up and neutralize them.”
Pūr~lisse Blue Lotus and White Tea Treatment Mask, $8, available at Pūr~lisse.
Green tea, hyaluronic acid, organic chamomile, ceramides, vitamins, and organic aloe vera make up this mild cleanser that won’t strip your skin of its natural oils or alter its pH. “Green tea has incredible antioxidant properties, and is used in skin care and cosmetics for many reasons,” says Leib. “Green tea helps soothe skin, especially redness, and fights off free radicals. It will help delay sunspots, sagging skin, fine lines, and wrinkles, and keep blemishes at bay, heal scars, and reduce inflammation.”
Sea Radiance Gentle Cleanser, $35, available at Sea Radiance.
This serum reduces the appearance of fine lines while imparting a lasting glow. "We turned specifically to black tea because it is the most oxidized of all teas harvested from the Camellia sinensis plant,” Glazman says. “It’s not only rich in color with deep flavor, but it has incredibly high levels of potent antioxidants that protect against damaging free radicals to maintain a youthful complexion. It is also packed with tannins, which are known to have antiseptic properties, as well as caffeine, which helps increase circulation.”
Fresh Black Tea Age-Delay Firming Serum, $98, available at Fresh.
Green-tea extract is just one of 10 active ingredients in this 7-free formula, along with keratin, evening primrose, and biotin to give you strong, shiny nails. This healthy alternative to gel polish has staying power without any of the damage — plus, a rounded brush with more bristles makes application smoother. “Nail products that contain tea can help with brittle nails and will also hydrate them,” says Dr. Jaliman.
Deborah Lippmann Gel Lab Pro, $20, available at Deborah Lippmann.
“Rooibos tea is a red tea made from a South African red bush and it’s known to have even more antioxidant benefits than green tea,” says Leib. “This is why I chose Rooibos as a key ingredient in our Silk Cream Compact Foundation.” High in vitamin D and zinc, which protect against UV damaging rays and strengthen the skin, its AHAs turn back the clock by reducing and preventing wrinkles, leaving skin glowing.
Bodyography Silk Cream Compact Foundation, $32, available at Bodyography.
This lightweight serum also harnesses the power of South African red tea, but it packs a major boost from hyaluronic acid, lycopene, and sweet potato extract for potent antioxidant properties and moisture-locking benefits, too.
ClarityRx Take Care Daily Antioxidant Red Tea Serum, $64, available at ClarityRx.
Consider this concealer a magic wand that makes pores, lines, and wrinkles disappear. The hydrating complex keeps skin plump while black tea ferment, a.k.a. kombucha, fills in grooves in skin. “Kombucha helps bring back luster to dull skin and firms the complexion,” Glazman says. “It is so effective because it calls upon the best of what the black tea tradition has to offer.”
Charlotte Tilbury The Retoucher, $35, available at Charlotte Tilbury.
“Chamomile is anti-inflammatory and has antiseptic properties,” says Dr. Jaliman, meaning it's perfect for the delicate skin of the underarm area. The moisturizing formula does the classic deodorant job, too, but promises softer, smoother skin in addition.
Dove Advanced Care Soothing Chamomile Anti-Perspirant Deodorant, $5.49, available at Walmart.
Inspired by tea rituals, this floral and wood fragrance was designed for both men and women. It’s an interpretation of the black tea of Yunnan, grown at an altitude of 2,000 meters in the red soil of southwest China. Notes of Damask rose, patchouli, and Agarwood round out the leathery scent.
Bvlgari Eau Parfumée Au Thé Noir, $98, available at Neiman Marcus.
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When you have acne, you become really good at hiding. You hide your breakouts behind a layer (or three) of foundation. You hide the shame or embarrassment that often comes with them. And sometimes, you even hide yourself. For years, Cassandra Bankson became a master at the cover-up — but it wasn't until the model and beauty vlogger finally cleared her skin that she realized she was using her chronic cystic acne to conceal another reality: she's gay.
"This has been my deepest secret," says Bankson, who candidly chronicled her skin-care journey with her 824K followers on YouTube. "It got to a point where having acne was my life. I was not Cassandra; I was acne. It wasn't until I discovered makeup that I finally found my identity outside of it. I cleared my skin — now it's time to clear the entire slate."
While Bankson says she's been aware of her sexuality since she was a young girl ("I have memories of being four or five and having a crush on my third grade teacher"), she buried it in junior high, which was when her cystic acne emerged.
"That was a really big struggle for me," she says. "My acne at this point had taken over my life. I had been bullied in school, I was covered head to toe in breakouts, and I was trying so hard to make up for whatever I thought I lacked. I never felt beautiful or worthy or important."
Those insecurities led Bankson down a dark path of unworthiness, where she put on a mask to live up to society's expectations of her. Some of the stress, she admits, was self-imposed — but the other half of it stemmed from a very public career on YouTube.
Eventually I realized that I would rather go to hell than live in this hell.
"When I post online, people are watching me for who and what I am," Bankson says. "I felt a lot of pressure to keep quiet, especially after my videos started to blow up. All of a sudden, people were calling me a hero; an inspiration for helping them with their acne. But insecure me didn't feel like an inspiration. I felt like I had to step into that role. So here comes the materialism, buying the car I don't even like, and the Instagram boyfriend that everybody had."
Bankson played the part of successful YouTube influencer, wearing an invisibility cloak to hide the truth that was gradually bubbling to the surface. But when that inauthenticity began to trickle into her everyday life, affecting her relationships and her sense of self, she knew something had to change.
"Stress was a huge factor that contributed to my acne," she explains. "When you're dancing around pronouns and hiding half of your story, you become inauthentic. I stopped being honest in my vlog and sharing my day-to-day life, because I didn't want to say I was going on a date with a girl. Then I started taking brand sponsorships that weren't authentic. I felt like I was living a double life. I grew up in a strict family, but eventually I realized that I would rather go to hell than live in this hell."
Finally, Bankson decided it was time to stop hiding. She made a conscious choice to love every aspect of herself, and as she did, something amazing happened: "Once I started coming out to friends and family — which I did individually, one by one — my acne started to get better."
With her clear skin came a newfound confidence — one that led Bankson to finally feel comfortable sharing her coming out story with the world on YouTube.
"I've wanted to share but I've been afraid of alienating people, because I do have followers from the Midwest, India, and Southern America who have more conservative ideals," she says. "I know I shouldn't seek approval from anybody else, but we are human and we want to be loved and appreciated for who we are, so there is that fear that I won't get that."
She continues, "But I also have an obligation to be fully authentic. I struggled with self-harm growing up, and a lot of that stemmed from trying to mitigate my attraction to other women. I was destroying myself over something I can't change. Maybe this will be the wake up call to someone who is homophobic or hateful, to show that who I love doesn't change who I am."
Synonymous with summer, watermelon is not just the base of a great daiquiri or fresh feta salad, but also a skin-care ingredient to have on your radar. The latest in the long line of Korean imports, watermelon is now having its moment on the world stage.
Like its name suggests, watermelon is packed full of H20 (92% to be precise). But its benefits go way beyond hydration – it’s also bursting with a cocktail of skin-nourishing ingredients. “The citrulline, an amino acid, improves blood circulation and works as a natural exfoliator, while lycopene, a phytonutrient, is an anti-inflammatory,” explains facialist Su-Man. Suitable for all skin types, watermelon is particularly beneficial for people prone to breakouts, redness, or dry and flaky skin, but it could also come in handy for battling fine lines. “Rich in antioxidants that protect the body from free radicals, watermelon is great at treating the signs of aging,” Su-Man says.
The serious buzz around this juicy pink fruit can be traced back to Korean beauty brand Glow Recipe's Watermelon Glow Sleeping Mask. Utilizing watermelon’s hydrating powers, the lightweight sleeping mask quickly gained a cult following for its skin-softening and glow-giving properties.
For a DIY (and bargain) approach, you can simply use chilled slices of watermelon as a makeshift face mask. Ideal for sun-parched or irritated skin, the watermelon will instantly cool and soothe. Or, if you fancy something a little more hi-tech, turn to one of a number of products enriched with watermelon. From an exfoliating skin polish to a brightening toner, these are our favorites…
Cashing in on the popularity of the O.G. overnight mask, Glow Recipe's most recent launch is a gloriously silky, oil-free moisturizer that's just as obsession-worthy as its predecessor. Packed full of watermelon extract, this cooling, gel-like formula is the real deal for leaving skin plump, hydrated, and juicy.
Glow Recipe Watermelon Glow Pink Juice Moisturizer, $39, available at Glow Recipe.
Yes, it's a serum — in a stick. That means it's never been easier to harness the skin-care benefits of your favorite summer fruit, like the full range of vitamins, nutrients, and free radical-fighting antioxidants you'll find in this brightening formula. Twist it up, smooth over a clean, dry face, and follow up with your favorite (watermelon-infused, naturally) moisturizer for clear, downright luminous skin.
Milk Makeup Watermelon Brightening Serum, $36, available at Milk Makeup and Sephora starting April 3.
Inspired by royal beauty rituals of times gone by, this heavenly toner contains a mix of fresh fruit and precious essential oils. Watermelon, papaya, rose, and tomato work to gently increase cell turnover and tone the skin, leaving it revitalized and glowing.
Uma Ultimate Brightening Rose Toner, $65, available at Revolve.
A cooling combination of watermelon and cucumber makes this an ideal body moisturizer for hot-weather holidays. Super-light and non-greasy, it sinks in in a matter of minutes while also being nourishing and hydrating. Top tip: Place it in the fridge and use it as an after-sun treatment.
Elemental Herbology Watermelon & Cucumber Moisturizer, $54, available at Dermstore.
For those days when your skin feels lackluster, this exfoliating polish will come to the rescue. The potent fruit blend of watermelon, papaya, and pomegranate extracts works like magic to gently smooth away dull, dry skin for an instantly brighter complexion.
Su-Man Refining Facial Polish, $54, available at SkinStore.
A true godsend for dry and cracked lips, this all-natural balm harnesses the powers of watermelon extract, shea butter, and jojoba oil. The distinctly watermelon taste will transport you to sunnier climates – whatever the weather – and the packaging is a chic, minimalist dream.
Grown Alchemist Vanilla & Watermelon Lip Balm, $23, available at Net-a-Porter.
This watermelon-, apple-, and lentil-infused toner is your new post-cleanser must-have. Not only does it immediately hydrate, thanks to a little bit of help from evening primrose oil, but it promises to boost the skin's ability to retain moisture over time, too.
PCA Skin Hydrating Toner, $40, available at PCA Skin.
Enriched with Origins’ lychee and watermelon hydra-sustain complex, this moisturizer is seriously thirst-quenching for dehydrated skin. Lightweight and oil-free, it's perfect for combination skin types.
Origins Make A Difference Plus Rejuvenating Treatment, $44, available at Sephora.
This botanical blend of watermelon, apple, and lentil offers a two-pronged approach to hydration – it provides immediate comfort while also improving the skin's ability to retain moisture. Layer under your moisturizer or SPF if you want to to tackle dryness, flakiness, and rough patches.
Murad Hydro-Dynamic Quenching Essence, $78, available at Sephora.
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Welcome toMoney Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.
Today: a police call taker working in emergency services who makes $42,834 per year and spends it some of her paycheck this week on vanilla soft serve.Editor's note: All prices have been converted to U.S. dollars.
Occupation: Police Call Taker Industry: Emergency Services Age: 31 Location: Melbourne, Australia MySalary: $42,834 base, plus ~$11,682 for nights, weekends, holidays, and overtime My Paycheck Amount (Biweekly): My maternity leave pay is $615.24 My Husband's Salary: $54,091 His Paycheck Amount (Biweekly): $1,506.77
Monthly Expenses Rent: $1350.44/month. (We rent a two-bedroom, two-bathroom townhouse with a yard for the dog.) Student Loan Payment: $0. (I paid for university with savings from my high school job, scholarships, and help from my parents.) Superannuation: 9.5% of each of our pre-tax salaries Phone Bill: $58.41 Internet: $46.73 Dropbox: $11.68 Netflix: $10.90 Private Health Insurance: $75.54 Life Insurance: $301.02 and $186.88, for me and my husband Savings: At least $155.76 Novated Car Lease Payment: $350.46. (Taken out of my husband's pay pre-tax, and covers lease, fuel, maintenance, and car washes.) Zoo Annual Membership: $6.93
Day One
8:15 a.m. — I wake up very confused. Normally my husband, N., wakes me up at 7 a.m. so that I can take over baby duty while he gets ready for work. But he surprises me by taking the day off work today! I've been having a rough time lately, so this is a very sweet surprise. I have a quick shower and feed the baby while N. makes coffee.
10 a.m. — I take the baby to the mother's group we're in. The twelve of us all have babies the same age. We meet every Tuesday morning at a cute little coffee shop in the neighborhood, and it's a great source of support for all of us. We chat about how our weeks have been going, and I order a long black with a splash of milk on the side ($3.08), plus an egg and bacon roll with tomato chutney ($8.48). $11.56
11 a.m. — Baby has been in teething hell the last couple of weeks, and today is no exception. He's grumpy and unsettled, so we leave the mother's group after an hour. He goes down for a nap and I get ready to head out for a run. I'm training for a half marathon in May, so I run three times a week, as well as cross-train. I listen to Casefile, a true crime podcast, while I run.
1:45 p.m. — Well, that run didn't go as planned. I meant to do 10 kilometers but hit a mental wall at six and just couldn't do anymore. I ended up half walking and half jogging the four kilometers back to my car. I try not to beat myself up too much about it. I'm still recovering from a traumatic birth, and some days are going to be tougher than others. I drive home and make ham and veggie sandwiches on wheat bread for N. and me.
6 p.m. — After an afternoon of family time, the baby gets fed, bathed, and changed into his pajamas. N. reads to him from The Hobbit and puts him to bed while I take the dog for a walk and listen to the True Crime Garage podcast.
7:30 p.m. — I marinated chicken overnight, so I whip up a nice butter chicken sauce and simmer the whole thing. We eat it with brown rice and steamed broccoli and each have a glass of home-brew beer while watching a trashy reality cooking competition. We have a group chat with our friends who live out of town about the show, and it's always hilarious. N. and I are both still peckish, so I make cinnamon sugar popcorn for a snack.
9 p.m. — N. cleans up the kitchen while I feed the dog and cat and we go up to bed. I do my simple routine of Cetaphil cleanser, witch hazel toner, and jojoba oil. I usually read until the baby wakes up for his feed at 10 or so, but I'm too tired to do anything but scroll through Reddit.
10 p.m. — I feed the baby and fall asleep soon after.
Daily Total: $11.56
Day Two
6 a.m. — The little human alarm clock is babbling away. N. gets up to do the morning feed. I only got up with the baby once during the night last night, so I actually feel fairly refreshed today and can't fall back asleep. I head downstairs to make myself a coffee.
7:30 a.m. — N. leaves for work and the baby goes for a morning snooze. I quickly shower, moisturize and dress. I make myself oatmeal topped with chopped apple, almond butter, and cinnamon, and another coffee. I read Money Diaries while I eat. Baby wakes up at 8:30 and we do our usual feed, play, sing, and read routine.
10 a.m. — Nap time. I feel very fortunate that the baby has turned out to be a good sleeper. I make two pieces of wheat toast with cream cheese and cucumbers, but I am a bottomless pit of breastfeeding hunger, so it does nothing to fill me up. I scramble up a couple eggs and top them with feta. I prepare a couple bottles, vacuum, and clean the cat's litter while listening to the Someone Knows Something podcast. (True crime is definitely my thing!)
12 p.m. — My mother-in-law arrives to spend time with the baby. (My in-laws live about an hour away across the city.) Not only do I get a little time to myself, but the baby loves playing with different family and friends.
1:30 p.m. — I haven't had my nails done at a salon in over a year, so I get an SNS manicure that will hopefully last a while ($34.60). I feel like a new woman! I stop at the pharmacy to get more jojoba oil for my face ($15.38) and also pick up tomatoes, red capsicums, bread, and a bar of Cadbury hazelnut chocolate ($6.36) at the supermarket. I snack on the chocolate on the way home. $56.34
2 p.m. — Mother-in-law brought over groceries for lunch. I make myself a roll with mayo, mustard, roast chicken, tomato, and avocado. I inhale it and immediately make myself another one. I have never been as hungry in my life as these last six months.
4:30 p.m. — Mother-in-law leaves and I doze with the baby for about an hour and wake up parched. I chug water while I chop up a butternut pumpkin to roast with olive oil and maple syrup. I'm Canadian, and my love of maple syrup knows no bounds.
6 p.m. — N. is home and gets in baby time while I finish making dinner. He handles the bedtime routine while I walk the dog and listen to True Crime Garage.
7:30 p.m. — We eat butternut pumpkin soup with a glass of home brew while watching more trashy TV and group texting with our friends. I have a cup of tea and cookies for dessert.
9 p.m. — N. cleans the kitchen, I feed the animals, and then we head up to bed. I do my skincare routine and read The Truth About The Harry Quebert Affair by Joel Dicker. I just started it and it's good! Baby gets his feed at 10:30 p.m. and I dive back into bed to sleep.
Daily Total: $56.34
Day Three
7 a.m. — N. wakes me up with a coffee and a baby. I was up at 1 a.m. and 4 a.m. to do night feeds, but other than that slept pretty well last night. N. leaves for work as I do the baby thing.
8:30 a.m. — Baby naps. I dress and make myself scrambled eggs and toast with cream cheese and cucumbers. I message with a couple friends about organizing a kid-free night to check out a new Viking restaurant that's opening. We also want to go to the new Harry Potter escape room. I read my book until the baby wakes up.
10:30 a.m. — Time for Kangatraining! This is our weekly mum and baby fitness class. It's a combination of core work, strength training, and cardio with your baby strapped on your chest in a carrier. It's a great workout and good cross-training for running. The babies love it, too, and they almost always fall asleep in the carriers! It feels so good to work up a sweat! (I paid for the whole term last month.)
12 p.m. — Back home, and I'm famished. I make a chicken, avocado, and tomato roll and heat up leftover butternut pumpkin soup. I feed the baby while watching a true crime show on Netflix and snacking on some chocolate.
3:30 p.m. — It's autumn here, but the weather still feels like summer. It's too nice to stay inside, so the baby and I drive a couple suburbs over to go thrift shopping. I changed my mind about a jacket I had bought, so I exchange it for a cool pair of distressed jeans. Clothes shopping for my post-baby body has been emotional, so I'm pleased to finally find a pair of pants I like. I pay the difference between the items ($2.33). $2.33
5 p.m. — I stop at the supermarket for popcorn seeds ($1.16) and a cheesy-mite scroll to snack on ($1.55). $2.71
7:30 p.m. — N. is hosting clients in the VIP box at the first game of the AFL season tonight, so I'm on my own until late. I do the baby's bedtime routine and make a big pan of lentil, walnut, veggie, and quinoa burritos. I top them off with salsa and Monterey jack cheese, and then bake in the oven. Yum. I watch the footy game as I eat, clean the kitchen, and feed the animals.
9 p.m. — I head upstairs and work my muscles on the foam roller before doing my skincare routine and lying in bed. Baby sleeps through his last feed and I fall asleep before N. gets home.
Daily Total: $5.04
Day Four
8:30 a.m. — Since N. hosted clients last night, he doesn't have to go into the office until noon today. We share early morning feeding duties and I get to sleep in a bit.
10 a.m. — We have a lazy family morning drinking coffee and playing with the baby. I make oatmeal with a chopped up apple, almond butter, and cinnamon. N.'s paycheck comes in and we're pleasantly surprised to see it's a little higher than normal. His first commission has come through! We transfer some of it over to our savings and give ourselves each little extra spending money.
12 p.m. — Baby naps for longer than usual, so after N. leaves for work I read up on baby sleep techniques from a library book I checked out. I'm going back to work in a few months, and we need to start working on weaning off night feeds. That's the dream! I heat up a leftover burrito for lunch.
1 p.m. — I go to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription ($14.51). I have major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety order and I've taken antidepressants for years to keep everything in balance. I'm happy prescriptions are generally very affordable in Australia. $14.51
1:30 p.m. — I sunscreen up and do a five kilometer run along the ocean with the baby in the pram while listening to S omeone Knows Something.
2 p.m. — Finish my run and find enough coins in the nappy bag to buy a vanilla soft serve cone from an ice cream truck. I eat it, and then strap the baby in the carrier and wade into the water up to my knees. What an exquisite feeling after a run! $2.33
6 p.m. — N. is home and we do the baby bedtime routine. One of the best parts of my day is reading to the baby before we put him in bed. A freshly bathed and pajama-ed cuddly baby is a wonderful thing.
7:30 p.m. — I take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood while listening to Someone Knows Something. We eat leftover burritos with oven chips. N. is the oven chip master! We rent Murder on the Orient Express on the PlayStation Network and settle in for a movie night. $4.62
11 p.m. — The movie isn't great but not terrible either. N. feeds the animals, and I feed the baby, do my skincare, and flop into bed.
Daily Total: $21.46
Day Five
8:30 a.m. — It's the weekend! N. takes the morning baby shift and I sleep in. I was only up once in the night, which is always a good thing.
10 a.m. — I have a coffee while doing our weekly grocery oder. I make my meal plan and grocery list on Fridays and put in the order for pick up on Saturday afternoons. Shopping online saves me loads of time and pretty much eliminates any impulse buys. I put the order through on N.'s Acorn app; he gets 50 cents in his account for each order. It's not much, but at the end of the year it's an extra $26, so I'll take it. $63.67
12 p.m. — It's torrentially raining with thunder, so today turns into a family hangout and deep cleaning day. The pup tolerates a shower while giving serious sad eyes. We tackle several loads of laundry and I make a batch of carrot cupcakes, since I'm having some girls over for a birthday tea tomorrow.
2:30 p.m. — The weather has cleared up, so I head out by myself for a run. I do eight kilometers on my favorite route by the ocean while listening to Someone Knows Something.
3:30 p.m. — I feel phenomenal after my run. I really needed it. I get a text from the grocery store that my order is ready for pick-up, so I swing by the supermarket on the way home. We paid for the order this morning when the order went through. N. calls and lets me know that we're almost out of formula, so I pick up a tin as well. It's on sale too! I stop at the liquor store on my way out and pick up wine and beer. $34.50
7 p.m. — We do the bedtime routine and put the baby to bed. I make a stir-fry with onion, carrots, red capsicum, broccoli, and egg in a spicy almond butter sauce over egg noodles. We eat this once a week; it's delicious. We settle in front of the TV with beers to watch AFL.
10:30 p.m. — I had a couple drinks, so to be on the safe side, I give the baby a bottle for his last feed instead of breastfeeding, do my skincare, and go to sleep.
Daily Total: $98.17
Day Six
7:30 a.m. — Wake up and have coffee with N. and the baby. I did the 2:30 a.m. feed and N. got up at 5:30 a.m.
9 a.m. — Shower, do my hair, dress, and start prepping food for my birthday tea. I bake scones, and make cream cheese icing for the carrot cupcakes, whip cream, and tea sandwiches (roast beef with horse radish, cream cheese with cucumber and goat cheese with pickled beetroot). I get the table set with my nice china and head upstairs to do my makeup.
11 a.m. — The girls arrive and give me a few lovely gifts. Unexpected but much appreciated! We pop open a bottle of champagne and toast to my birthday (which is really next week), then get down to eating, chatting, and cuddling the baby.
2 p.m. — The girls leave and the baby goes for a nap. My sister-in-law brought over four huge boxes of baby clothes that her son has outgrown. Almost all of the baby's clothes are hand-me-downs from friends and family, which has saved us a whole heap of money. Babies grow so quickly that all the clothes are in excellent condition, and in some cases brand new. N. and I spend the afternoon sorting through the clothes while watching more AFL.
5 p.m. — I take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood while listening to Someone Knows Something. It's a lovely warm evening.
7 p.m. — I feed and bathe the baby and read him Harry Potter while N. makes dinner. After the baby is settled in bed, we eat dinner. Tonight is steak with spinach, apple, walnut, and goat cheese salad in a mustard vinaigrette, with sweet potato mash and peas. It's all fantastic.
9 p.m. — Kitchen is cleaned and animals are fed, so we head up to bed and I do my skincare routine. It's now pouring (gotta love that dramatically changing Melbourne weather) and we lay in the dark listening to the rain and a Harry Potter audiobook and chatting. Baby has his 10:30 p.m. feed and then I crawl back into my nice warm bed.
Daily Total: $0
Day Seven
7 a.m. — N. wakes me out of a deep sleep with a baby and a coffee. I didn't sleep well, so I'm struggling to open my eyes.
8 a.m. — I make another coffee and eat oatmeal with chopped up apple, almond butter, and cinnamon. We're nearly out of almond butter so I add it to my Costco list. We do a big Costco trip for things like nappies, wipes, non-perishables, and meats for the freezer at the start of each month, which is coming up next week.
10 a.m. — Baby naps, and I do some online window shopping. I'm on a reduced salary for my maternity leave, and we still want to save as much as we can, so we give ourselves a limited amount of “fun” money each month. I've become good at planning out and budgeting for my future purchases. We're going to Hawaii this summer for my dad's 70th birthday, and I need a new bathing suit. I'm also on the hunt for matching knit beanies for myself, N., and the baby (no shame, I'm a dork and I love it!), and black leather Chelsea boots. I shop vintage and thrift stores as much as possible, but some things just shouldn't be bought used! I find some good options and bookmark them for later.
11 a.m. — Baby eats his lunch and I eat the last leftover burrito. We bundle up and head out to the zoo. We have an annual membership which gives us unlimited access to all three zoos in Victoria. We have a short but pleasant visit since it's chilly and windy and we're getting intermittent showers.
2 p.m. — Back home. I eat a toasted ham and veggie sandwich with a spinach, beetroot, and goat cheese salad. Baby takes another nap and I putter around tidying the house.
3 p.m. — I make a cup of tea and eat an unfrosted carrot cupcake while scrolling through social media and various shopping websites. Baby is the joy of my life and I like staying home with him, but I also can't wait to get back to my job, which I love, and a bigger paycheck, which I also love!
7 p.m. — N. does the bedtime routine and I take the dog for a walk while listening to Someone Knows Something.
7:30 p.m. — Leftover steak, salad, and oven chips for dinner while watching garbage TV. I have a glass of white wine. We clean up, feed the animals, and go up to bed. Skincare done, baby gets a feed at 10:30, and I fall asleep.
Daily Total: $0
If you are experiencing anxiety or depression and need support, please call the National Depressive/Manic-Depressive Association Hotline at 1-800-826-3632 or the Crisis Call Center’s 24-hour hotline at 1-775-784-8090.
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Soon after Tatewin Means started to think seriously about running for South Dakota attorney general, someone suggested she call prominent Democrats across the state to seek counsel and endorsements. The idea seemed like a sensible one. But the reactions she heard from her call list, which happened to be recommended by older, white men, were far from encouraging.
“It was very negative, not toward me necessarily, but just the lay of the land: ‘This is a red state, not friendly to Democrats. And on top of that, you’re a woman and you’re American Indian,’” Means recalled. “I know those realities. I didn’t need anybody to point that out to me. I’ve lived a lifetime being an indigenous woman in a state that’s predominantly white. But it was so discouraging that they were saying don’t even waste your time, don’t even try.”
Some in Means’ shoes might have folded right there. It had, after all, taken the single mom months to come around to the idea of putting her two kids through a statewide campaign in the first place. But the 37-year-old prosecutor didn’t back down. If anything, she said the conversations strengthened her resolved to run.
“At first it made me pause to say well, maybe it would be a waste of time, but then there was that soul-searching, realizing what it is I wanted to do, and it’s about breaking down those barriers,” she said. “Okay, you’re putting up more barriers in front of me? I’m going to break those down, too.”
On Friday, she made her barrier-breaking bid official, announcing her campaign in an open letter to South Dakota. She followed up with her first campaign video on Monday, pledging to “hold those in power accountable” and “protect us all from those that would take advantage of our most vulnerable.”
“I know that the attorney general can be a great visionary," Means says in the video. "And as your attorney general, I will use what I have learned as a lawyer and a teacher to ensure the law is applied fairly, no matter who you are.”
Means’ bid to overcome the odds in a red state has implications beyond South Dakota’s challenging political landscape for Democrats. She was recruited to run as part of the Democratic Attorneys General Association’s 1881 Initiative, which is seeking to fill half of all attorneys general roles nationwide with women by 2022. “Tatewin Means may be new to South Dakota politics, but she is not new to the needs of South Dakota, nor is she new to the hard work required to serve as the Attorney General in South Dakota — and that is what makes her a natural fit with our first class of 1881 Initiative candidates,” Democratic Attorneys General Association Executive Director Sean Rankin said in a statement to Refinery29.
Means, who is Sisitonwan Dakota, Oglala Lakota, and Ihanktonwan Nakota, is also one of a number of Native American women pursuing potentially history-making bids for office this year. If elected, Means would be the first woman to hold the role in her state and the first Native American woman to serve as a state attorney general nationwide, according to DAGA. Elections elsewhere could also result in the country’s first Native female governor and congresswoman. To Means, the opportunity to be a “first” makes the decision to run especially meaningful.
“It’s all about chipping away at those barriers. We have to start somewhere. It doesn’t happen overnight and oftentimes it doesn’t happen with one fell swoop — it takes time and patience and persistence,” she said. “We have to have a start somewhere, and so why not me? If I’m able to, if I have resources and a support system that enables me to do that, then that’s my responsibility to future generations to take on that challenge.”
Tatewin Means
Means is no stranger to barrier-breaking. For much of her career, she’s worked in the male-dominated worlds of law enforcement and the judiciary. “I have a lifetime of experience always being the underrepresented individual in the room whether it’s race, gender, or socioeconomic status,” she said. “I’m carrying with me that lifetime of experience of being the voice for the voiceless or advocating for those who are underrepresented.”
That experience also includes a record of public service and activism. Her father, the late activist and actor Russell Means, ran for president of the Oglala Sioux Tribe and worked on international human rights issues.
After attending undergraduate and law school out of state, she returned to South Dakota and served as attorney general of the Oglala Sioux Tribe, a role that familiarized her with the ins and outs of tribal, state, and federal law, for more than four years and on statewide task forces on child abuse and reforming how juvenile cases, especially those involving Native American teens, are handled in the criminal justice system. She is currently the chair of graduate studies at Oglala Lakota College, a university on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation.
Those experiences informed both her policy priorities — reducing recidivism rates, tackling the opioid addiction, and curbing child abuse — and her collaborative approach to governing that brings together law enforcement, treatment providers, and communities to craft multifaceted approaches to lowering crime and protecting people. “One of the most appealing aspects [of the attorney general position] to me is the fact that it is a position that has tremendous leadership capabilities, tremendous abilities to bring various stakeholders together, instead of everyone working in silos,” she said.
The role of attorney general — often called a state’s top cop or the people's attorney — touches many aspects of voters’ everyday lives. But in the current political backdrop, the positions, in blue states at least, have also become a key component of the anti-Trump resistance. Democratic attorneys general from across the country have joined hundreds of legal actions challenging the administration’s actions on everything from DACA and the travel ban to net neutrality.
In an interview, Means declined to specify which, if any, of those challenges she’d join as South Dakota attorney general — or what role she envisions playing in that broader political strategy — saying that while challenges related to environmental issues would be a priority, others would be reviewed on a “case-by-case basis” and based on the law. “I will never make a decision either way just based on party politics,” she said. “It’s definitely people over politics.” (Means sent an email after the call adding that she would push back on actions by the administration that she saw as in violation of the law and harmful to South Dakotans. “No matter who you are — even the President — I believe that no one is above the law,” she wrote.)
There’s no doubt that Means faces an (incredibly steep) uphill battle for the seat. She’s a Democrat running in a state where Trump won more than 60% of the vote. Only three Democrats have ever served as attorney general in the state’s 130-year history. And before getting to the general election ballot, she’d have to overcome several expected rivals within her own party at a nominating convention attended by local Democratic leaders and candidates.
“It’s within the realm of possibility, but I wouldn't say within the realm of normal probability,” David Wiltse, an assistant professor of politics at South Dakota State University, said of her chances. “Despite the gains that the non-presidential party makes whenever you have an unpopular president, even with that boost, it will be very difficult for any of the Democratic candidates to get elected.”
But Means brings strong credentials to the table, he added, and her very presence in the race could have a lasting impact on state politics. “[The nominating process] is all about party building and building relationships, and her candidacy could have really positive effects on the party...making some real bridges between the Democratic Party and the American Indian population here,” Wiltse said. “I think there is some potential for that.”
Means has already seen some evidence of that influence; as she travels the state to make her case, she says she’s hearing more young Native women expressing an interest in getting involved themselves someday. As for the challenging landscape ahead, she says she “has more faith in the people of South Dakota than the statistics do” and feels her bid will be buoyed by “a strong contingency that are tired of the status quo.”
“We all have a responsibility to our future generations. Because of my experiences, because of who I am, my identity, bringing that different worldview to an office like the AG position can be really empowering,” Means added. “I think I'm giving everyone the chance to at least see the possibility of how bringing someone in who isn’t your typical candidate, what that means, what that looks like. That’s really powerful for some people to see that. I have faith in our citizens of South Dakota, in our voters, that they will see the possibilities that are there.”
2018 will see anunprecedented number of female candidatesin ballots across the country. More than 500 womenare currently runningfor the House, Senate, or governorships— and that's without taking into account the number of candidates vying for local and statewide seats. Refinery29 is committed to spotlight female candidates, but particularly women of color, who have risen up to the challenge to say: "It's our turn."
Can you even remember a time before dry shampoo? Aside from a small group of ladies who evangelized about the power of baby powder, there really wasn't much in the oil-soaking category back then. Now, aerosol cans and powder shakers litter our bathrooms, gym bags, heck, even work desks. Hairstylists can't shut up about the texturizing, volumizing, make-everything-look-better-izing effect of the stuff. And now, we use it more than the regular version in our showers. (A lot more.)
But, as much as we love it, dry shampoo was due for an upgrade. From messy powders to sticky residues, it was time for a change. These companies answered the call.
Click ahead to read about the best oil-sopping innovations you need to try, ASAP. Trust us, you won't believe you ever lived in a world without dry-shampoo paste.
Ouai's creator Jen Atkin calls this foam "dry shampoo on steroids" and she's not kidding. Simply massage the mousse-like product directly into your roots and zhuzh (check out this video to see it in action). Once it's dry you'll be left with refreshed, touchable tresses.
This Bumble & Bumble pick brings the cleanliness, and the volume. And, even though the sprinkly powder formula can be a touch messy, you'll rest easy knowing you aren't inhaling any of your excess aerosol hair product.
Bumble and Bumble Prêt-à-Powder, $27, available at Sephora.
Many dry shampoos can make your hair look and feel, well, dry. But not this one. The formula sucks up oil, adds body and lift throughout, smooths out frizzy, staticky strands, and leaves some of the good kind of shine behind.
Drybar Detox Dry Shampoo, $23, available at Sephora.
This dry shampoo is for days when your hair is approaching "Exxon-oil-spill territory." It's formulated with micro-fine powders that sop up oil and sweat without leaving any residue behind.
Shu Uemura Art Of Hair Color Lustre Dry Cleaner, $39, available at Shu Uemura Art Of Hair.
This skews a bit more texturizer than dry shampoo, but we use it for both. It soaks up oil, adds volume and lift, and creates that piece-y, cool-girl texture so many of us want. This one is translucent, so you never have to worry about lingering white residue.
Bumble and bumble Thickening Dryspun Finish, $31, available at Sephora.
This luxe dry shampoo is worth picking up for its cleansing qualities alone, but you'll want to have it on your vanity for months to come due to the much-adored Nirvana White fragrance addition. The multitasking product absorbs oil, adds body and texture, and leaves you with divinely scented hair.
Elizabeth and James Nirvana White Dry Shampoo, $28, available at Sephora.
Looking for an option that's better for the environment? Non-aerosol dry shampoos are it. Simply sprinkle or squirt the powder into your roots, massage, and give your hair a light tousle to sop of sweat and oil.
Klorane Dry Shampoo With Oat Milk, $20, available at Sephora.
Many dry shampoos double as texturizing sprays. But sometimes, you just need a good oil soaker — and this one delivers. Created by Living Proof's team of top-notch scientists, this aerosol spray has powders that absorb oil and sweat — and a special molecule that repels those same powders from your hair when you shake it out. (And you do need to shake it out — the spray goes on stark white.) The result is hair that looks clean and full, with zero residue. We're now on day four of a blowout, and our dark-brown roots look as good as they did on day one.
Living Proof Perfect Hair Day Dry Shampoo, $22, available at Birchbox.
That's right — this is a dry shampoo paste. (We know. What?!) Here's why you'll love it: Unlike sprays and powders, which are harder to control, you can direct this creamy, volcanic-ash product to just the areas that need it. The result? Hair that looks clean and proportionally bedhead-y — not a ghastly shade of matte gray. Pro tip: Work it through your ends for cool, piece-y texture as well.
We know you have good intentions, but dry shampoo companies: Enough with the overpowering fragrances, already. Not only are they potentially irritating to some, but the telltale scents tend to draw more attention to the fact that we haven't washed our hair in days. This version of the brand’s cult-favorite dry shampoo is completely unscented — for real.
Ready for some magic? This dry shampoo comes out of the can as a super-fine spray, but transforms into a powder by the time it hits your strands. You can then shake it out, without the usual stickiness most aerosols leave behind. The cornstarch mixture comes in light and dark versions — and we definitely recommend the latter to brunettes.
Natural-product lovers, this one's for you. Rahua's oil-absorber is non-aerosol, gluten-free, organic, and even comes in recyclable packaging. (It also really wants you to know it's vegan.) Carefully squeeze the pump to disperse the powder through your roots — and keep in mind that it's totally loose, so don't try this while wearing a black shirt. The mix of cassava, mineral clay, and anise leaves strands feeling fresh, clean, and smelling (subtly) lovely.
Looking to score bigger, fuller locks? This editor-approved volume spray works like a dry shampoo, soaking up oil and giving hair a dry texture, but the real glory comes from the incredible density it delivers. A few quick sprays through the roots and mid-lengths and hair looks and feels big, full, and wonderfully fresh.
Sachajuan Volume Powder, $35, available atBirchbox.
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