Obsessive-compulsive disorder isn’t just about the compulsive behaviors. It’s also about the obsessive thoughts. Such thoughts are intrusive, scary, and are rooted in control. Shannon Purser recently opened up about her struggle with OCD in an essay for Teen Vogue, and talks candidly about how debilitating those thoughts can be. The Stranger Things star even talked about how those obsessive thoughts led her to suicidal ideations.
OCD is stereotyped as the “hand washing” mental illness; that is, those with the condition engage in compulsive behaviors like washing their hands to avoid germs. But Purser highlights the invisible, cognitive aspects of the condition. She describes becoming obsessed with not understanding material she was reading. It’s not that she couldn’t intellectually comprehend the words, she worried that she couldn’t. “I developed a compulsion to re-read almost every sentence over and over again, until I was completely convinced that I’d absorbed the material,” Purser wrote. As an actor and student, reading was integral to her work, so it is easy to see how this symptom would be a huge disruption for her.
Unfortunately, Purser’s obsessive thoughts began focusing inwards. She began believing that she was “evil, disgusting, and perverted,” with violent and sexual images overwhelming her mind. It’s a hallmark symptom of OCD, but not one that is visible as say, hoarding or obsessively checking to see if the oven was left on. These thoughts can cause extreme anxiety, and for Purser, that anxiety led her to begin thinking of suicide.
Writer Maya Kachroo-Levine described a similar obsessive thought pattern to Refinery29. For Kachroo-Levine, she explains them as obsessive irrational fears, writing that she had intrusive thoughts about something violent happening to a loved one. These fears are often not grounded in reality, though someone with OCD is consumed with anxiety and fear about it occurring. “When you’re struggling with OCD, irrational fears don’t always succumb to logic,” she writes.
Ultimately, both Purser and Kachroo-Levine found treatment in the form of medication. Amanda Seyfried also discussed taking medication for OCD, and said that she may be on the medication for the rest of her life. OCD is, after all, like many mental illness: a chronic condition that may be lifelong. For Purser, that treatment also involves therapy. She credits it with helping her to manage her obsessive thoughts. “It was such a relief to have a trained professional listen to my thoughts and help me positively restructure my thinking. I am now able to calm myself down when I’m struck by anxiety or find myself becoming obsessive,” she writes.
Treatment may relieve symptoms, but those with OCD still battle the public perception of this particular mental illness. “Wanting to keep things clean...is in no way comparable to what it is really like to have diagnosable OCD,” writes Purser. It’s an illness with many more pervasive symptoms, and it’s about time we treat it as seriously as we should.
Customers who visit his restaurant, Ellen's, in downtown Dallas near the convention center over the weekend will find that their receipts contain a message that says, "Thanks for visiting Ellen's! A portion of this week's proceeds will be donated to organizations dedicated to implementing reasonable and effective gun regulations. Welcome to Dallas!"
Groves wants people to know that he is not anti-gun or against the Second Amendment. “As the owner of a restaurant and as someone who cares about these issues, being pro-Second Amendment and being pro-safet y are not incompatible," he said.
To no one’s surprise, Groves has received a lot of backlash from NRA supporters. Customers have been leaving bad reviews and calling and threatening to shoot up the restaurant. A lot of these protesters are taking to the internet to attack Ellen’s, including the NRA.
Groves claims he was inspired to write the message because of the 2016 Dallas shootings, an incident where six police officers were killed. He, like many Americans, believe there sound be some form of gun control in our country. Support for universal background checks is almost universal at 97%.
According to a post on his Facebook, Graves wasn’t sure at first what he should do when the NRA would be in town.
He clearly made a choice and is standing by it. But attacking a small, local business in a city where you are a guest is laughable and low, even for NRA supporters. On behalf of their staff, the restaurant later took to their Facebook to express their feelings on the responses they have been receiving and wanted to clarify that they “support finding solutions to the senseless killings that happen much too frequently.”
The restaurant has had a lot of people showing support of their stance.
Thx for dedicating yourself to such a good cause even when you know the backlash you'll get for it!! your bravery is what we need more of in this country!!
Everyone hurry on over to Ellen's Southern Kitchen in Dallas...and leave yuge tips. https://t.co/bILyxSzu2g
— Kimberley Johnson (@AuthorKimberley) May 4, 2018
They're probably in for a treat because GQ just called Dallas the next best new food city. Maybe the NRA and its supporters should think about what they’re going to say before they start attacking the city’s clearly thriving food scene.
A Nigerian lawmaker has made Kanye West an offer he probably shouldn’t refuse — an opportunity to visit old slave ports in Africa.
This invitation, from Nigerian senator Shehu Sani, presumably comes as a response to a comment West made in a livestream with TMZ that slavery was a “choice.”
Sani said that by suggesting this, West essentially “defecated” on the graves of victims of the slave trade, and wants to give West some perspective on the topic of slavery.
If @kanyewest thinks Slavery was a choice,we will offer him a free ticket & tour guide to visit slave routes and camps in Badagry Lagos,Ouida Benin Republic,Ghana & Goree Island in Senegal to ‘experience the choices in chains’.Kanye defecated on the graves of victims@nytimes @AP
After the TMZ livestream, West tweeted (then deleted) a few statements that appeared to be an attempt to clarify his slavery comments, saying, “to make myself clear. Of course I know that slaves did not get shackled and put on a boat by free will,” and “once again I am being attacked for presenting new ideas.”
Of course, at this point, “Kanye West faces criticism” is not exactly a novel headline. West has pretty much always been a controversial figure in popular culture and he likely always will be. But many of his fans have been particularly troubled by the rapper’s statements over the past few weeks, with West proclaiming support for Donald Trump, posting photos of a Make America Great Again hat signed by the president, releasing a new, super troll-y song, and, of course, saying that enslaved people chose their fate. West now appears to be losing both fans and the friendship of other artists, with Rihanna, Drake, John Legend, and more reportedly unfollowing him on Twitter in the wake of this particular controversy.
In any case, stay tuned to see if West accepts Sani’s offer — at this point, anything is possible.
When the news broke yesterday that DJ Khaled, uh, “doesn’t do that,” (“that” referring to performing oral sex), I instantly went back to the time when I was a member of the Sisterhood of the Not-Traveling Tongue. It was not a pleasurable place to be.
Chatting with Hot 97’s The Breakfast Club in a clip that resurfaced from 2015, he tells the hosts that he is a “king” and as a “king,” he will not go down on his wife, but expects his wife to go down on him. Khaled, you see, is a “provider” of material comforts, and in his mind, this absolves him from needing to pleasure his wife. In the video, an incredulous Charlamagne Tha God exclaims, “You don’t eat the box?” Angela Yee is thrown off guard, because she assumed (like the rest of us) that Khaled’s song “Hold You Down” is about cunnilingus. Turns out, it’s not. That’s some very misogynistic meandering you’re watching him do.
— Got Student Loans Homie Quan (@howcomeyousmell) May 4, 2018
I recognized Charlamagne and Yee’s reactions; it was the same thing I heard from those close to me when I told them about my sex life. “They don’t go down on me,” I would say to my friends, who were equal parts shocked, bewildered, and embarrassed for me. “Oh honey,” they’d say. “That is not okay.” I would shrug it off, because no relationship is perfect, right? At least my partner wasn’t, like, stealing my identity to catfish college football players.
We were together for a few years. In that time, I usually only received oral sex on special occasions. My birthday was approaching? Time to trim the garden! I could probably count the amount of times my former partner went down on me on two hands. Meanwhile, I was more than happy to do my part in the oral sex department — I was deeply attracted to my partner and wanted to pleasure them. In a healthy relationship, that should go both ways.
When they would go down on me, their stubborn reluctance was obvious. You know how when you’re drinking a cup of tea, and you sip it very carefully to avoid burning your tongue? Their oral technique made me feel like my pussy was a piping hot cup of darjeeling. I felt like they were disgusted with my body, which made me feel disgusted with my body. They insisted that they were very much attracted to me, but just “didn’t like” performing oral sex. “What’s not to like?” I asked. “Just the taste, the smell, the whole thing…” they replied, confirming my worst fear. My partner was disgusted by my body.
Obviously, this had implications beyond the bedroom. As my partner refused to attend to my sexual needs, our sex life was at a virtual standstill, and I grew to resent them. Resentment is the death knell of a relationship: when this happens, whether it’s over financial problems or infidelity or fundamental incompatibilites, the relationship is over. It’s done. Recognizing that resentment took some time, but we did eventually break up.
In all fairness to that ex, our split was way more nuanced than a lack of oral sex, of course. And if Khaled and his wife are happy with this arrangement, more power to them. We don’t know what Nicole Tuck, Khaled’s wife, thinks of this. The arrangement may work for her. But the massive reaction from women on social media speaks volumes. Every person deserves the (safe! sane! and legal!) sexual fulfillment they desire. By shrugging off his wife’s pleasure, Khaled is really saying that he doesn’t actually don’t care about making his partner happy — regardless of the houses and clothes that Khaled says he gives her. To dismiss your partner’s sexual needs is to dismiss a very fundamental part of who they are. And, to quote another DJ Khaled collaborator,“You gon’ lose your wife.”
My decision-making process is one big contradiction. I'll suggest an Italian wine bar for dinner, only to fervently scan the menu for a California red. I'll wake up early to give myself enough time to walk to wherever it is I'm going, then end up taking a cab. And every summer, I bring home all the gel moisturizers that land on my desk, while secretly hoping they're as thick, rich, and hydrating as my favorite winter creams.
Up until this point, this hybrid cream — light but also heavy — has eluded me (as has finding a good Napa Valley Cabernet at Eataly...), but I think I may have finally found the closest thing in Dr. Dennis Gross' new, oil-free Hyaluronic Moisture Cream.
The appeal of a gel formula in summer is that it absorbs quickly and never feels like it's clogging your pores — and those perks would certainly benefit my oily T-zone. But I've also got another less-than-ideal skin concern that creeps up even when it's a balmy 80 degrees outside: dryness, particularly on my chin and cheeks. So while I may be sweating with the best of them in the hot box that is the New York City subway platform, I do still need some moisture.
Luckily, this hyaluronic acid-packed moisturizer — which hits on the perfect blend of gel and cream — is loaded with the stuff, plus a dose of exfoliating glycolic and lactic acids to slough away the gross stuff sitting on the surface. After using it every morning for the last two weeks, my skin finally has that ever-so-subtle glow that only slightly resembles sweat (but isn't).
It's creamy, but lightweight. Fluffy and whipped, but substantial. Fancy, yet simple. In other words: It's everything that indecisive me has ever wanted for my summer skin-care routine... I think.
Dr. Dennis Gross Hyaluronic Moisture Cushion Oil-Free Moisturizer, $58, available at Dr. Dennis Gross.
Saturday Night Live attempted to fit a record number of celebrities and recent news stories into a one cold open that proved more isn’t always better.
With a comedic set-up of crossed lines, Ben Stiller as Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen plays out a literal game of telephone as he anxiously attempts to get everyone to stick to the same story when it comes to Stormy Daniels. With each new phone call, there was a reference to a recent story in the news and key people surrounding Trump. In the end, Trump was less concerned with how his dalliances play out in the court of public opinion (or a court of law for that matter), and more concerned with getting back on Daniel’s good side. “I solved North and South Korea,” he said in his typical fashion of taking credit for something he had nothing to do with. “Why can’t I solve us?” Knowing full well that it is just Alec Baldwin impersonating Trump, I can’t help but recoil as he fails to suggestively flirt over the phone.
There was no shortage of celebrity cameos with Stiller, Baldwin rejoining as Trump, Jimmy Fallon and Scarlett Johansson as Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump, Martin Short as Trump’s personal physician Harold Bornstein, and Stormy Daniels as herself all making appearances. SNL cast members Aidy Bryant, Kate McKinnon, and Cecily Strong busted out their airtight impersonations of Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Rudy Giuliani, and Melania Trump. What none of them knew were that two FBI agents were also on the line.
While the sketch is rooted in a clever idea of conspiracy played out over the phone, the cold open began to feel like one of those large cast movies (less Avengers: Infinity War and more Garry Marshall’s take on Valentine’s Day) where there are so many characters that you can only keep track because all of the actors are individually famous.
In the chaotic process of fitting an ensemble of celebrities onto one screen, Daniels makes it clear that her foreboding message is heard by the real Trump. When asked what she would need for the scandal to go away, Daniels asked for his resignation. “A storm's a-comin baby,” she warned with an all-knowing smirk as she stares down the camera. What does she know that we don’t?
In Refinery29'sSweet Digs, we take a look inside the sometimes small, sometimes spacious homes of millennial city dwellers. Today, 30-year-old Jessica Tarantino shows us around her meticulously decorated Cobble Hill home.
Even if you absolutely love where you live, an hour commute each way can wear you down. That's what happened with Jessica Tarantino, who lived on Long Island but worked at an IT company in Manhattan. "I grew up out there," Tarantino says, "but after doing the breakdown of what I was spending on commuter costs, rent, a car, and car insurance, it was only $100 less than my rent right now."
Those raw numbers, plus the hour commute each way, was enough to sway her to move to the city.
Luckily, Tarantino happened upon an apartment in her price range, some 20-minutes away from her job. "There are not many amenities in my building, no laundry or doorman or elevator, but the bigger space to me was worth the trade-off." Read ahead to shop her picks and hear more about her apartment journey.
Photographed by Melenie McGregor.
How did you find this space?
"I saw maybe 15 to 20 apartments and this one I tagged as the happy apartment. It got so much natural light, and you can see the bridge and the Freedom Tower, so it has the nice little view which is a highlight of being in southern Brooklyn."
What were some of the upfront costs of moving?
"Since I moved from far away, I did have to pay a decent amount in moving fees. I also had to pay one month in a broker's fee, which actually isn’t that bad. Some people I know pay more than that. So that was an extra $2800, and then first and last months' rent. Then I had the security deposit, and my landlord actually wanted two months and I think we compromised and I gave him $4,000 in security."
What are your decorating rules/tips?
"Don’t make holes in the wall yourself unless you’re absolutely sure that’s where you want something. I’m really, really bad at hanging things so what I’ve done in the past is I’ll take those peel and stick hooks and hang something there for a couple of days to see if I like it. And then if I want to commit to it, I have someone else hang it for me, like my dad."
How do you stay so organized in such a small space?
" I’m pretty type A and I've found the best way to contribute to self organization is to do regular clean outs. So it's really easy to pile a lot of stuff in your apartment when you're in a small space and that leads to a lot of clutter. So regular clean outs really help me stay organized. Sunday is my cleaning day, and then every couple months I'll do a big overhaul where I actually purge my apartment."
What's the most important thing you wanted when laying out your space?
"Making sure there was enough space for me to move around. I do have a lot of furniture for the size of my apartment but it seems to fit pretty well, and seating was really important for me. I wanted to make sure I had a lot of options for seating. But I like to be able to walk around all the furniture in my apartment. "
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Welcome toMoney Diaries, where we're tackling what might be the last taboo facing modern working women: money. We're asking millennials how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar.
Today: an AmeriCorps member working in nonprofit education who makes $17,700 per year and spends some of her paycheck this week on Narragansett beer.
Occupation: AmeriCorps Member Industry: Nonprofit Education Age: 23 Location: Brooklyn, NY Salary: $17,700 Paycheck Amount (2x/month): $738.13
Monthly Expenses Rent: $900 (I live with four other people, and I have the smallest room.) Student Loan Payment: $0 (My parents are paying off my student loans. Thank you, Mom and Dad.) Health Insurance: $0 (My employer pays.) MetroCard: $0 (My employer reimburses me.) Phone: $55 (I'm on my family's plan and pay my share, which covers the cost of the phone, the plan, and tax.) Internet: $12.18 (My roommates and I each pay one-fifth of the cost.) Utilities: ~$30 (It varies by month based on how much we use our heat and electricity.) Netflix: $0 (I use my parents' account.) Apple Music: $4 (I use my college email to get the student discount.) Gym: $15 Yoga: $0 (Birthday present from my parents.)
Additional Expenses Therapy: $15/week (This is my discounted cost with insurance.)
Day One
11 a.m. — I don't always sleep in this late on weekends, but last night I went to a warehouse show in Bushwick until 3 a.m. My friend who lives about an eight-minute walk away invites me over to make brunch. I bring an avocado and goat cheese as my contribution. We gossip over omelets and then play a rousing game of Monopoly, which we agree is the perfect escape from reality.
4:45 p.m. — I walk to another friend's apartment, which is only 10 minutes away. I'm going to get my ID and credit card, which I left in her wallet last night, but we inevitably chat and snack for a bit before I leave. Snacking really gets me through this Sunday, both emotionally and financially.
8 p.m. — I take a yoga class to rejuvenate after an expensive and unhealthy (albeit extremely fun) weekend. I'm not sure what “toxins” actually are, but by the end I feel like I've released them, and my body is reset. I go home, shower, and watch an episode of The Office before falling asleep around 11 p.m.
Daily Total: $0
Day Two
6:45 a.m. — Thankfully it's light outside when my alarm goes off, because this is my first day back at work after spring break, and I've gotten very used to sleeping past 7 a.m. I prepared my breakfast and lunch last night, so I throw them in my L.L. Bean lunch box. I always make coffee at home to save time and money, and I drink it while I listen to a podcast on my commute. Today, it's an episode of NPR's Code Switch about an Afro-Latina musician named Amara La Negra.
9:45 a.m. — I'm trying to be more chill at work, since I have a tendency to overthink and overwork in order to make things perfect. I create a schedule for the week that allows me to just supervise and manage, which are the most important parts of my role. I eat the breakfast I packed for myself (Greek yogurt, Trader Joe's almond clusters, and a little honey) while volunteers tutor our students.
12 p.m. — My breakfast is never enough to keep me full for long. I eat my lunch (leftover Trader Joe's ravioli with roasted asparagus and eggplant that I made last week) while doing some data entry.
3:30 p.m. — I leave work shortly after the school day ends and sneak in a quick trip to the gym before my weekly therapy appointment in Soho. I started seeing my therapist about six months ago, and I seriously look forward to it every week.
6:30 p.m. — I get home and call my mom — it's her birthday! I'm heading to the grocery store and ask her if she's cooked anything especially good recently. She is basically paleo, and I am very much not, but she makes a lot of creative stuff, so I seek inspiration from her from time to time. She suggests I buy cauliflower to roast, and I do. I call my best friend in Chicago while shopping and charge the groceries to my EBT card. (I receive $194 per month in food stamps.) I head home to meal prep for the rest of the week with the items I just bought and stuff I already have from my last Trader Joe's trip. ($24.79 expensed)
8:30 p.m. — My roommate, A., and I watch an old episode of Are You The One, our second favorite MTV reality show, and I munch on pasta with roasted cauliflower, zucchini, and collard greens, topped with goat cheese and marinara. I save the rest in a Tupperware for a future lunch and head to bed by 10 p.m. feeling envious of the cast members of the show, who just won true love and their share of $750,000.
Daily Total: $0
Day Three
6:45 a.m. — It is so hard to wake up today. I leave with coffee in hand, but it feels like no amount of caffeine will be enough to enliven me.
10:30 a.m. — Yogurt and almonds time.
12:45 p.m. — Today I have to eat my lunch while tutoring a student. Usually they make fun of me for eating food that they think is weird. The best comment I've heard was: “Miss, why are you eating grass? That's soooo nasty.” But today the kids are unfazed by my mishmash of wild rice, lentils, Trader Joe's Vegetable Masala veggie burger, and roasted veggies.
3:30 p.m. — At the gym, I spontaneously decide to do the Arc Trainer, and then quickly realize I have no clue what it even is. Seriously, what is it? All I know is, my quads are burning.
5 p.m. — I shower and fry up Trader Joe's Thai Vegetable Gyoza, which I eat with soy sauce and Sriracha for an early dinner before Hindi class, which is (unfortunately) in Midtown. I stop by the dry cleaner on the way to drop off two pairs of pants that ripped in the last few weeks. One tore when it got caught on a door handle. How does that even happen? The teller says they'll be ready by Thursday but charges me up front. The price you pay for buying cheap jeans. $36
Daily Total: $36
Day Four
7:25 a.m. — I get to sleep in! Since most of my students are going on a field trip to the circus and the rest are doing state testing (#CynthiaNixonforGovernor), I'll be spending the day helping out at a different school that's closer to where I live. I still bring coffee.
10 a.m. — After tutoring an adorable student, I eat my yogurt and granola while catching up on the news. Paul Ryan announced he will not seek reelection, and I am ecstatic. Then I Google him and find out his sign is Aquarius, which is odd since he is a spineless sheep.
12:55 p.m. — I find it virtually impossible to meal prep enough for an entire week, so I try to keep a few pre-made lunches around. Today I'm microwaving Trader Joe's Paneer Tikka Masala, which is not the most filling, but is excellent as far as affordable frozen vegetarian meals go. As I eat, I buy bus tickets to go to D.C. with a friend this weekend! It's our last chance to see the cherry blossoms, and I've been itching to get out of the city for a night. Since we're going Friday to Saturday and booking last minute, tickets aren't the cheapest ($88 total). I pay, and he Venmos me his half. $44
3:15 p.m. — I get to walk home from work today, which is thrilling. (This is not sarcasm; April has been very cold.) I eat two clementines along the way and listen to DeRay McKesson's podcast, Pod Save The People. At home, I try to work on grad school applications, but mostly scroll through Instagram.
5:15 p.m. — Go to yoga. Sufficiently sore, I come home and watch an episode of American Vandal.(I've already seen it, I'm just rewatching it because it's the best television show created in the history of humankind.) For dinner I cook Trader Joe's Mandarin Orange Morsels (orange-flavored fake chicken) and a scallion pancake.
8 p.m. — I'm going on a date! We matched on Tinder, and it's our second time hanging out. Dating is hard and second dates are scarce, so I'm excited. I chose a bar in my neighborhood last time, so tonight he picked the spot, and I make the trek into Manhattan. Last time, I introduced him to Narragansett, my favorite cheap beer (I'm biased because last year I lived in Rhode Island, where it's made). The bar has cans for $3, much to our satisfaction. He puts down his card, and there's a minimum; I tell him I'll get the drinks at the next spot. After two beers each, we walk to a nearby bar that a friend suggested. It's little more upscale, so we get the cheapest thing on the menu: $5 Tecates. We bond over our mutual disdain for olives, and he walks me to the train. $12.89
Daily Total: $56.89
Day Five
6:40 a.m. — Ugh. Going to work after a night of three beers is the worst. Once I get to my desk, I munch on a granola bar in the hopes that it will revive me.
9:45 a.m. — Coffee saves the day again. I only had a little yogurt left for today and tomorrow, so I eat the mini portion of it I threw in a Tupperware this morning.
11:25 a.m. — Clementine snack. I am a snacker.
12:20 p.m. — A student and a tutor who are working together have the same name, and they are loving it. I observe their lesson while I eat my lunch (pasta with the same vegetable mix from earlier in the week).
3 p.m. — Grateful I made it through the day, I head to the gym. I'm making myself go because I know I won't have time tomorrow between work and catching the bus to D.C. I do a lackluster workout and walk home, where I find my roommate made chocolate chip cookies! I immediately snack on them, as well as Salt & Vinegar Kettle Chips (my favorite food of all time, probably), and continue working on grad school applications with The Office playing in the background.
7:20 p.m. — A. and I are lounging on the couch and she makes a box of bowties. I already had pasta for lunch, but I can't pass up an opportunity to avoid cooking, so I eat it anyway, with marinara and goat cheese.
8:25 p.m. — D., another roommate, and I go to trivia at a bar around the corner from our apartment. We love it there because it's so low stakes — there are only four rounds and the guy running it asks the question through a megaphone. I stick to water to save money for the weekend and make it to bed by 10:30 p.m.
Daily Total: $0
Day Six
6:45 a.m. — That extra hour of sleep seriously makes all the difference. I wouldn't say I feel lively, but I feel like my normal self. I grab my lunch box and coffee and head out for the day.
10 a.m. — I eat the last of the yogurt and granola.
12:50 p.m. — Okay, so I experimented with a new lunch today and it was...disappointing. The idea was a DIY burrito bowl: a combo of rice, black beans, corn, avocado, Trader Joe's Soy Chorizo, chile lime salt, and oven-baked tofu. Where did I go wrong? It definitely wasn't bad, but, how can I improve this meal? Lettuce? Lime? Skip the tofu?
4 p.m. — After dropping my laptop at home and grabbing my bag for D.C., I hop on the train to meet my friend, V., in Midtown for our bus. I get there early and run into Duane Reade for snacks: Clif bar, mini pack of Milanos, and a lime seltzer. (I pay using food stamps.) V. and I meet on 7th Avenue and wait for our steed. ($11.89 expensed)
6 p.m. — Things take a turn. Turns out, buying the cheapest Friday afternoon bus tickets from New York to D.C. is not a wise spending choice. We haven't even made it to the Lincoln Tunnel yet when we get into a fender bender. We're waiting on the street for upwards of an hour with no information, so V. and I call the bus company to try to get a refund. They pretend they can't hear us and hang up — a bad omen for Friday the 13th — and the driver shuffles us back on the bus. We think we're finally leaving, until we realize the driver is not on the bus and has locked us in. Nightmares become reality. The emergency exit is locked, too. Some other passengers are freaking out with us, but others still have their headphones on and are pulling out their dinners. It's bizarre. Eventually, V. slams on the horn until the driver comes back and lets us out. We run out and eat the cost of the bus tickets in favor of not being trapped in a moving vehicle for five hours.
9:30 p.m. — Safely back in Brooklyn, we buy two bottles of wine and bring them back to my apartment, where A. and her friend are also hanging out and drinking wine. My appetite returns; I eat a box of Kraft Mac & Cheese and we chat until our anxiety subsides. $13
Daily Total: $13
Day Seven
8:45 a.m. — I wake up early for a Saturday, since I crashed by midnight last night (thank you, half bottle of rosé). It's a beautiful day — the first real day of spring we've seen in NYC — so I drink coffee and go for a run outside (!) around Prospect Park. I'm back by 10:45 a.m. to wash my face and grab my wallet for brunch.
11 a.m. — A friend from college who lives in Boston is in town for a hot sec, so a bunch of us catch up over brunch at Barboncino, our favorite bougie pizza place. I eat half of a pear and gorgonzola pizza and save the rest for a lunch next week. My friend puts down her card and we Venmo her. After brunch, we take advantage of the warm weather and walk to the park. I end up playing Spike Ball for the second time ever, which is a very fun game, even if you suck at it. $19
5:15 p.m. — V. and I are hanging out tonight to make up for our D.C. dreams being crushed. We head to the East Village for an early dinner with another friend. She does theater and works weird hours, so we're meeting her during her break before a rehearsal. We wander around 2nd Avenue and eventually settle on Mighty Quinn's Barbecue, even though two of us are vegetarians, because the sides are delicious and the windows are open. We gossip over mac and cheese, kale slaw, and sweet potato casserole before she goes back to rehearsal. $11.05
7 p.m. — V.'s been wanting new clothes, so I decide to be his personal shopper for the evening. We go to Muji, where he gets an amazing pair of navy linen pants, and Uniqlo for basics. I see a short-sleeve tan linen button-down that I know will look amazing on him and buy it for him as an early birthday present ($19.90). Our last stop is & Other Stories, where we try all the perfumes and lotions, and I buy a much-needed pair of sunglasses ($20.69). $40.59
9 p.m. — Since we're in SoHo, I realize I know a great bar — the one I went to on my date on Wednesday! I feel a little weird going back so soon after, but it's the only good spot we know in the area, so we do it anyway. V. gets a Dark and Stormy and I get a $3 can of Narragansett (plus a $1 tip). He heads uptown for a party, and I go back to Brooklyn. $4
11 p.m. — I meet my friends at Crown Inn and decide to save money and skip the drink. I sip on water while we have a rousing discussion about cultural things that are over- and underrated. I make it to bed shortly after midnight.
Daily Total: $74.64
Money Diaries are meant to reflect individual women's experiences and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29's point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior.
The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more money diaries, click here.
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Wedding season is upon us, and we want to know:Are you saving up for it? Going to weddings can cost a lot. From the flights, to clothes that fit the dress code, to the hotel or AirBnb stays. So how do you afford it? Do you cut costs elsewhere to keep up? Would you go into credit card debt to be there for your friend on their special day? Fill outthis form, and we might feature you on our site!
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Through the “This Is America” video Glover, as Childish Gambino, takes on the complicated relationship between race, guns, and American capitalism. The video opens with a choir (singing, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, go, go away”) backing Glover’s first verse: “We just want to party, party just for you,” he sings. “We just want the money, money just for you.”
A beat comes in; the music’s lightness evokes the feeling of summertime as a dancing, shirtless Glover makes his way across an empty lot. Suddenly, there’s a man with a hood over his head slowly coming into frame. We see a gun, Glover’s hand on the trigger, and hear a bang! The man slumps over, dead. Everything darkens.
“This is America,” he raps in a chant as his voice drops. “Don’t catch you slipping up.”
Dancing Black children in school uniforms take center stage as riots and police chases slip in and out of focus in the background, mirroring the news cycle’s increasingly short attention span. A door opens and we cut to an uplifting scene of a Black choir mid-reverie; Glover enters, singing along, then turns and shoots them, using an automatic weapon. The scene, seemingly a reference to the Charleston church shooting of 2015, is horrifying and shocking. But Glover continues to dance as the beat kicks back in, the loss of Black lives only a blip in the consumer-driven machine that is American capitalism.
Minor musical cameos from Young Thug, 21 Savage, Offset, Quavo, and Chance the Rapper are dotted throughout the song, along with an appearance in the video from SZA. A verse even includes a shoutout to Kodak Black — a rapper who’s been successful even after being indicted on counts of sexual assault, in large part because fans continue to extoll his genius. A wave of Black talent is acknowledged in pop culture, but Black lives at large are neglected.
Near the end of the song, his lyrics suggest how the exploited and oppressed are convinced to play within the confines of this system. “Get your money, Black man,” the choir chants. The video ends with Glover running alone in the darkness, chased by faceless figures. America wants more and more from him, and America will take it all.
Watching this video sparked, for most, an immediate sense of shock and outrage, with many praising Glover for his message. Yet amid the adrenaline rush, it is also important to question the purpose of staging and centering these gruesome moments of anti-Black violence. Are we revisiting the trauma of mass shootings and Black deaths just for the sake of waking us up to our terrifying reality?
As we navigate the fallout of mass shootings and gun control debates, those challenging the use of explicit violence in art do have valid points. But here Glover seems to say, yes, you should be uncomfortable. White people and non-Black people of color aren’t, and never can be, fully aware of their privilege, and this is Glover saying we all have to wake up to that reality.
“This Is America” reminds us, in painful detail, just how dominant of a force Black music and culture is in America, but it’s in stark contrast to the way Black people are exploited, oppressed, and killed in the same country. This message can’t be ignored, nor can the people who are delivering it — it’s why so many people are calling Glover a once-in-a-generation talent, and why work like “This is America” is so electrifying.
Your sunny summer SoCal plans may have just changed in a big way: this year’s FYF Fest is canceled.
Organizers announced they’re pulling the plug on FYF Fest 2018 in an Instagram post earlier today. The post on the festival’s official feed said organizers “felt unable to promise an experience on par with the expectations of our loyal fans and the Los Angeles music community this year.”
Organizers also said they were planning to announce some live shows by artists on the 2018 lineup soon. Their website, which features a copy of the same announcement, notified ticket buyers they should be receiving an email notification with further ticketing information. No action is needed to get full refunds.
Billboard, which first broke the story, says the cancellation was attributed to low ticket sales. A spokesperson for FYF had not to confirmed which reason was true at press time, or if it is both.
FYF Fest has been around since 2004 and was slated to take place this July in Los Angeles’ Exposition Park. The festival recently had some high-profile turnover after four women came forward last year with accounts of sexual harassment by founder Sean Carlson, who later resigned.
But the festival seemed determined to rebuild and rebrand, with Goldenvoice buying out Carlson’s stake in the festival in February and announcing a female-led lineup in March. Florence + The Machine and Janet Jackson were each set to headline a day of the festival, supported by artists including Future, My Bloody Valentine, The xx, and St. Vincent. This year’s lineup was roughly an even 50/50 split between men and women or nonbinary performers –– compared to Pitchfork’s findings that this year’s festival season overall was only 19% female.
The effort to include more women artists was hailed as an inclusive step forward towards spotlighting women in an overwhelmingly male-dominated industry. Even earlier last month, when asked by Refinery29 if she was worried about the old school idea that people wouldn’t pay to see women artists, FYF artist booker Jenn Yacoubian was confident it’d be a sure bet.
The reason for low ticket sales is speculative at best, and one of the likeliest candidates is burnout: there are about a dozen festivals planned for the Los Angeles area through September, most of which are pricey, time-consuming, and stacked with their own tailored line-ups (and it’s likely there was some overlap with FYF’s talent). FYF was also planned the same weekend as the San Diego Comic-Con, which, um, already seems like a bad idea, considering the fact that SDCC draws in hundreds of thousands of visitors every year.
Still, this is undoubtedly a big blow towards an already-hesitant, slow-moving industry betting on major women-led events. And the thing is: it’s not as if there isn’t an audience out there for female performers. Think of Beyoncé’s recent Coachella set (how can you not?), or of the fact that 51% of festivalgoers are women.
But on top of there being fewer women in music due to systemic harassment and exclusion, rumors that FYF’s cancellation might have anything to do with having women front and center — even if that’s blatantly untrue — might affect decisions going forward with festival planning. And that does no favors for the future of women-led festivals.
It's high time the world starts doing better by women of color — and that includes beauty brands. One could argue that 2017 was the year the cosmetics industry opened its eyes to the fact that inclusivity and representation should not be optional. Just look at what happened after Rihanna launched her 40-shade Fenty Pro Filt’r Foundation range: Woke collections spilled out from NARS, Marc Jacobs, and Beauty Bakerie. Now, it's CoverGirl's turn — and we couldn't be happier.
Starting in May, CoverGirl will officially launch its most inclusive shade range yet: TruBlend Matte Made Foundation will include 40 different shades across the skin tone spectrum, catering to the palest and the darkest among us. But why did it take so long for a leading drugstore foundation brand to create a comprehensive color collection? According to Ukonwa Ojo, CoverGirl's Senior Vice President, it took a new, proprietary 3D design technique to ensure every consumer would feel covered by the brand's upcoming innovation.
Ojo explains that the new TruBlend Matte Made is proof that the brand is listening and made sure this foundation didn't just get a stamp of approval from WOC for the perfect shade match, but that it also aligned with their individual needs. For example, in CoverGirl's research, the brand found that most women — largely WOC — deal with oilier complexions, and thus prefer a matte finish. What's more, most consumers want a full-coverage formula that doesn't dry or crack throughout the day, but also one that won't make those with deeper complexions look ashy. So here we are now, after a whole lot of attention to detail.
But don't think the brand plans to stop at one all-inclusive foundation. Ojo confirms that CoverGirl hopes to roll out launches that embrace this mindset within the mass retailer walls. Which should come as a surprise to no one. Ever since ditching its recognizable slogan "Easy, breezy, beautiful..." for something more fitting in the current climate — "I Am What I Make Up" — the brand continues to work toward a future in which everyone feels seen.
Click ahead to check out all 40 shades in the new TruBlend Matte Made collection.
Monday, May 7 marks the launch of Express ' latest campaign, "Express. Your Rules," in celebration of the American retailer's new initiative to bring its extended sizing to a majority of its physical locations. While this is the first time Express has prominently featured curve models (including Candice Huffine and Jordyn Woods), the cheeky video ad is less of a breaking news announcement and more of a cog in the wheel of how the company is attempting to broaden the shopping experience within its stores.
If you were to sum up Express' motto of what its future looks like, the response would be something along the lines of: forward, but cautious. And who can blame them? In the current retail landscape, we're seeing the demise of suburban malls, legacy brands are shutting down a staggering amount of their brick-and-mortar shops, and fast-fashion stores are normalizing poor quality and trend turnaround at a breakneck pace. It's a tough game to be playing, and even tougher if you're dead set on growing your physical presence.
But that's what Express has set its eye on. The main drive behind "Express Your Rules" is to highlight the traditional mall crawl embracing its prior online only offering of size 16-18. As of today, all of Express' physical retail stores will carry product in sizes 00-18. To further the play, e-commerce shots on the brand's website now show an array of size diverse models wearing each product, a move ASOS recently picked up as well. A costly model, but one Express has no intent from shying away from.
Jim Hilt, executive vice president and chief customer experience officer at Express, explains the move to bring the size to its physical locations: "The decision was easy...in thinking about offering a wider range of sizes. We should make sure that 100% of that’s available." Hilt continues: "We really dug into it and spent a ton of time with customers and prospective customers, the number one thing that we kept hearing is, ‘I still want this fashion available in stores.’"
We live in an age when it feels easier to spend $500 on a free shipping, free returns order, try on what we want from home, and immediately box up the rest back to the warehouse it came from than make a Saturday detour to the mall. But Express is trying to reel back customers to its stores by letting them know they can still have a comfortable shopping experience in person. Hilt says: "Our view is the store is a critical piece of the total brand experience. We are innovating the way we think about the store experience in many difference ways." For Express, Hilt explains that comes in the form of "the work that we’re doing in these stores where we’re driving 100% of the assortment [of extended sizing]."
One thing Express has running for them that most other brands dipping their toes in “size-inclusive" offerings don’t? Making it available in every product they sell, not just a specific smattering of denim options, or a capsule collection with brand "inspired" pieces that aren't readily available in straight sizing as well. This limited method can often hurt brands' morale to continue producing in extended sizes since they're not representative of the brand as whole. Shopping is already a daunting experience for plus-size women, let alone further being serviced as the "other" in the shopping realm when brands hold back from allowing them to wear what's already available to everyone else. For Express, it's been inclusive of all of its products from day one. Hilt states, "Our intent is to, over the course of the next couple of months, offer all of [Express' product] choices go forward in the wider range of sizes so that way by the time you walk into our store, everything in that store will be available in those sizes."
Maybe, in turn, we're adopting Express' own attitude towards itself. With 67% of U.S. women representing a size 14 and up, stopping at a size 18 is far from the end all be all. But it's a step forward, and that's more than most brands can say for themselves. So we're cautious, but optimistic. Hilt tells us, "We are very clear that offering extended sizes is kind of a first step in a journey as we look at expanding the assortment to really meet his or her needs...We have a lot of history in terms of continuing to grow the offering that we have for them and we’re going to take this one step at a time. I think that we’re being really thoughtful about it. We’re going to see where it takes us." While no step forward will ever truly be enough, there's a hell of a lot of progressive ground to cover to get to where we need to be, it is progress and that's a win we're willing to celebrate.
Express Rules Campaign Video
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Unless you've walked the Victoria's Secret show or have $30,000 to drop on a ticket (and that's if you get the approval of Anna Wintour), chances are you will not be at tonight's Met Gala, where the theme is Heavenly Bodies: Fashion & The Catholic Imagination. You can, however, celebrate at home by breaking out your rosary, drinking some blood of Christ (that'd be red wine), and spritzing yourself in scents that smell like Sunday school. You'll probably have more fun, too — apparently everyone hates the ball.
Ahead, check out the chicest Catholic-themed beauty products.
When you wake up with a pounding headache and mascara smeared all over your face but need to get yourself to the 12:30 Hillsong service, this hydrating, lightly scented spritz of aloe vera, rose water, and holy water is the next best thing to a cold, yellow Gatorade.
A perfect match for the vampy red manicure Kathryn Merteuil, the ultimate bad Catholic schoolgirl, had in Cruel Intentions. Try to wear it more responsibly.
If anything can get a lapsed Catholic back into the cathedral, it's this clove and vetiver candle that recalls memories of incense, wooden pews, and worn Bibles.
Honey is the hero in this beloved cream, but not just any old honey — the stuff in here comes from the Buckfast bee, a hybrid species developed by a monk named Brother Adam back in 1919. It'll make your skin so crazy-soft and glowy that, hopefully, you'll think twice before swatting any of the Buckfast's little friends this summer.
This candied floral blend starts out with strong jasmine and tiare flower notes, then gets real sweet in the middle with mandarin, caramel, and mirabelle plum, before wrapping things up in creamy vanilla, sandalwood, and musk. You don't have to be a saint to wear it, but it's hard not be a little sweeter to everyone around you when you smell like a dessert.
Unless you're new to this scene, you might have noticed that Money Diaries have been making a very regular appearance on R29 recently. Since January, we've been publishing Money Diaries daily. We're also bringing back Money Diaries Monday, where we'll take a deep dive into Money Diaries in a variety of ways, from recurring articles as well as fresh pieces for the MD community at the start of each week.
Because no Money Diary reading experience is complete without input from the MD Commentariat, we're sharing some of the comments that have made us think or smile. Feel free to share your favorite Money Diaries moments, too ... in the comments.
We want to give you a wider sense of how diarists across the country — and across the world — are spending, saving, splurging, or just dipping their toe into their finances for the very first time. So, keep reading, keep submitting — and keep commenting.
This diarist — a film and TV head of development working in Los Angeles, CA — flirted with a D-list actor at an industry party, treated herself to a FabFitFun box, and made us laugh over a TV show pitch about ghost sex. But she also took some heat in the comments for some of her choices, both financial and extracurricular. The OP jumped in with a comment that resonated with many readers:
"I chose to do a Money Diary because I was genuinely intrigued to see if I could keep track of how I eat and spend, knowing that I'm indulgent. What I'm taking away from this is the fact I was 100% honest. About not working out. About indulging in a martini or two glasses of wine after work. About taking Advil for my period. Comments judging the fact I take Advil, or make a lot of money at a young age, or drink too much...it's SURREAL to read comments about yourself. I'm glad I did this, because I can't believe I spent this much money, drank this much, and swore this much (according to everyone), but the best way to grow is from the inside out...no one else can be my teacher! If you enjoyed this, thank you. If you think I'm miserable, byeeeeeee :)."
In this recent Money Diary, we met a case manager from Spartanburg, SC, who works a full-time job, drives for Uber during her off hours, and takes care of her husband, who can't work due to his immigration status. While many commended her hustle, many more focused instead on her frequent trips to McDonald's, criticizing her dietary choices. This commenter, however, offered OP compassion and encouraged her to take better care of herself:
"Girl, you could use a little self-care in your life. I realize everyone is jumping down your throat about your diet, but I see it as a symptom of a larger problem: that you're not a priority in your own life. You're headed towards burn out – the high anxiety/stress, daily fast food, multiple jobs, intense pressure [over] your husband's immigration status, and what sounds like not a lot of time to yourself is going to hit you hard one of these days. Please be careful, because it's so easy for you to stay at the bottom of the list. And you're not a terrible wife. You're busting your ass, that much is clear, and it sounds like you don't have as much self-confidence as you should," said Rsawinvaughn.
In this recent diary, a 23-year-old working in real estate applied to a new job she admitted feeling "vastly under-qualified" for. Several commenters identified with this feeling of not checking off all the necessary boxes, and jumped in to offer words of encouragement. Our favorite comment, from Slick Drink:
"I am so glad you applied for that job! I work in recruiting and there's almost always more flexibility in job requirements than people realize. Plus, my anecdotal experience definitely supports the research that says women are less likely to apply for stretch roles than men. You're probably more qualified than you realize and in 95% of cases, you have nothing to lose by throwing your name in."
This Money Diary of a new mom in Long Beach, California easing back into work post-baby drew a lot of comments about her work-life balance. Several commenters rushed to defend her work ethic, noting that on International Women's Day, of all days, we should be lifting up other women instead of knocking them down. This sparked a productive conversation about the way we talk about career and the realities of returning to work after maternity leave.
"What on earth is everyone’s obsession with how hard or not hard another woman works? It’s a shame that Americans have such an unhealthy addiction to working themselves to the bone – we wear it like it’s some kind of badge of honor. Yes, working and earning an honest wage, following your dreams, providing for your family – all of these things are wonderful, but shouldn’t life also be about balance? Shouldn’t we seize a few opportunities to relax and have fun here and there? This woman has figured out a situation that works for her, and she’s earned a director’s title along the way. The real problem in this country is that not all women have the opportunity to have such a balance and many don’t even have proper maternity leave – that’s the thing we should all really be angry about, not one woman taking advantage of her situation to enjoy her kid and ease back into work." said Cosmic Drink.
When this diarist shared that she'd recently found out her boyfriend of two years had been cheating on her, and that, to make matters worse, they still worked in the same office building post-breakup, several Money Diaries commenters jumped in to offer her kind words of support, encouragement, and wisdom. Our favorite, written by Magic Martini:
"Oh, hun. Breakups due to cheating are quite possibly the worst ones. Most of us have been through it and understand the pain (myself included). It will get better, it just takes a little time. It's good to lean on your family and friends until then. And one day, you're going to find someone who'll chase away every memory of a loser who clearly never deserved you in the first place. Not that it may make a difference, coming from a stranger on the Internet, but from reading your diary, you seem like a lovely girl who's got her act completely together. I promise you that your ex will be rueing the day he lost you for many years to come."
"The real entertainment of this series is reading all these rude a$$ comments and then complaining to myself about it. LOL."
Let's start out with Toru9, who aptly addressed the elephant in the room in this diary from March, with a New York City-based content editor making $50,000 per year: The comment section can take on a life of its own.
We do plan to continue moderating the comments and making sure that it's a safe space for people to share their (non abusive!) views. We also love the community that has formed, and we want it to keep going! Thanks for being part of that.
" Don't sign any contract just because person pitching it to you seems like a nice lady and you just want to make her happy. Ugh, this is something I am constantly learning. I never want to disappoint people and that can lead to some seriously unnecessary spending," JustinaMoniz wrote in March, in response to our Austin, Texas diarist — an editor working in environmental consulting who makes $35,000 per year.
It seems silly, but pressure to spend can come from people you don't even know, often because saying "yes" can feel nicer than saying "no." The problem is one that a lot of people, particularly women, face.
"As the daughter of a single mom, I commend you on everything and every choice you are making. Your choices are valid, we don't know your life, and your kid is loved and protected. I ate junk bc my mom worked long hours to give me the life I wanted. Guess what happened to this non vegan child?
"Ivy League graduate living in Europe, worked at 9 huge media companies as an intern before graduating - a brag not on behalf of me but on behalf of my MOM who made choices as she saw fit. You go girl," Heroic Java wrote in March.
In this New York City entry, a financial coordinator making $43,000 per year wrote about her dating struggles (constantly paying for cabs) and life as a single parent (who receives very little child support). While some commenters were quick to criticize the meals that the diarist's son ate during the week, Heroic Java had a different, insightful take, which we appreciated.
The diarist is an avid fisher and reader, who mentioned being on the lookout for wandering moose, something many readers found fascinating.
"Shhh, nooo. I'm just going to pretend O.P. is out with a bag of carrots to feed them like Sven in Frozen, who's a reindeer, but I'm also going to ignore that part and pretend like it's the same thing," Magical Prairie wrote.
In this diary, a social media marketing manager living in Berlin and making roughly $42,600 per year chronicled her housing search, as she hunted for a short-term studio to share with her girlfriend.
Finding a place to live is hard enough without doing it in an unfamiliar location, where you don't speak the language, and aren't 100% sure of the customs. This comment zoomed in on that stress with great advice.
"Hey, great diary. Quick hot tip regarding your landlord - I lived in Brussels for 2 years and had a similar experience with my landlord and was afraid of losing my deposit. Berlin has such a huge expat community so hopefully there are legal documents on renters' rights available online in English.
"Educate yourself and don't be afraid to stand up for your rights! Ask any local friends and/coworkers about anything that feels unfair or iffy. I didn't speak French well enough to advocate for myself so I asked a Belgian friend to be present and he was [not only] able to not properly converse, but knew what was 'normal' in Belgium and how the landlord was trying to take advantage. Good luck!" wrote Heroic Drink.
"[When] I was in high school, cell phones were new, basically useless, and weren't as "necessary" as they are now, so my parents made me pay for it myself. Also, family plans didn't exist when I got my first cell phone. Once the precedent was set that I paid for it myself, there was no going back.
"On the other hand, I'm pretty sure my high school aged nieces will never see a cell phone bill in their lives," Peaceful Avocado wrote in March.
After reading this Los Angeles diary from a biomedical research analyst making $56,000 per year, Money Diaries commenters started an interesting discussion about the evolution of cell phone ownership — and, more pointedly, who pays for it. It's safe to say that most diarists are on some form of a family plan, either paying their fair share or, in some cases, having a parent or relative handle it, while they take on another expense.
Whether that indicates freeloading or ease seems to be a generational judgment.
" I leave work and have to decide which house to go to — mine or my boyfriend's. I haven't seen him in a few days, but I'm so tired after the long workday, and I'd like to go to my work out tomorrow. He's not happy about it, but I'm trying to get better at standing my ground with things like this. THIS x 1000.
"Happy to hear this is something other people grapple with in a relationship. Sometimes you just want your own damn bed even if you love your S.O. to the moon and back. Good for you!" wrote mememememememem.
In this diary from a Salt Lake City auditor (who spent a significant amount of money on car trouble), the diarist discussed her decision to sleep in her own bed — instead of her boyfriend's — after a long day. We thought the moment was refreshing and honest, too, and were happy to see that others felt the same way.
"When I worked in a restaurant, people would come in all the time just to use the bathroom. And what the hell am I gonna do chase them down and drag them out? No. Lol. Nobody's gonna stop you if you go in quickly and leave quickly. Just don't poop all over the walls."
"As a doctor now in practice this is SO real. No time, stressed, not eating or cooking. This is sacrifice we all go through. Reform is needed. Prevent physician burnout."
The system she created for herself to manage her finances was a hit among readers, but so was her dedication to taking care of her health.
"I started this diary desperately wishing I had a job that started at 10:15 (I'd work out every morning! I'd sleep three more hours!) and then ended it feeling really grateful that I don't have chronic joint pain with my autoimmune disease," wrote Daring Watermelon. "Props for being proactive about your overall health, and not letting the paperwork/insurance complications scare you out of it!"
It's not every day that we hear from diarists in the startup trenches. That's probably why this one, from a San Francisco-based diarist making $17,500 per year, inspired so many of our readers, or resonated with fellow entrepreneurs.
"Yes! As a fellow freelancer/entrepreneur, it's great to read about other people's money diaries. We hear so much about these stories after people have made it big, but it's comforting to hear from someone who's just as deep in the trenches as I am. It's tough but I feel so much stronger knowing there are others fighting in the same spot," Hi_Lemon5 wrote. Hear, hear!
Money Diaries is a chance to learn the nitty-gritty financial details most people don't share every day. Salary? Check! Loan payments? Check! Credit card debt? It's all there for the world to read.
But why do we still feel so uncomfortable talking about our finances? It's hard to learn how to manage money if you're not talking about it in the first place.
We want to know: Who do you talk to about money? Your parents? Your partner? Your best friend? And how much info do you feel comfortable sharing? Tell us, and we'll publish the best responses in an upcoming story on Refinery29!
As anti-choice lawmakers keep pushing for more restrictions on a woman's right to choose, abortion providers have faced an uptick in incidents ranging from trespassing and hate mail to the first attempted clinic bombing in years. This is according to a new report by the National Abortion Federation (NAF) examining the 2017 statistics on disruption and violence against abortion providers in the U.S.
“We know that hostile rhetoric, including rhetoric from anti-abortion elected officials, can incite some to take the law into their own hands by threatening abortion providers and committing acts of violence,” Vicki Saporta, NAF President and CEO, said in a statement. “We cannot be silent as others continue to publicly vilify doctors and clinic staff, thereby jeopardizing their personal safety, in order to advance their own personal and political agendas.”
According to NAF, clinics saw an increase in incidents with the goal of intimidating patients and providers, as well as disrupting services. The report says trespassing instances more than tripled, going from 247 in 2016 to 823 in 2017; obstruction incidents rose from 580 to 1,704; and harm or death threats nearly doubled to 62 cases.
In November, there was also an attempt to bomb a clinic in Illinois — the first time since 2011. (The three men behind the attempt were also charged with bombing a Minnesota mosque earlier in 2017.)
"From the blockading of EMW Women’s Surgical Center in Louisville, Kentucky to daily harassment of patients seeking reproductive health care at clinics across the South, our communities are feeling the impact of anti-abortion violence," Oriaku Njoku, co-Founder and executive director of Access Reproductive Care-Southeast, said in a statement provided to Refinery29. "When someone has decided to end a pregnancy, they should be able to get care with respect and dignity, and without fear."
According to the 2016 National Clinic Violence Survey, 34.2% of abortion providers in U.S. have experienced violence or threats of violence, up from 19.7% in 2014.
BeautywithMi, hosted by Refinery29's beauty writerMi-Anne Chan, explores the coolest new trends, treatments, products, and subcultures in thebeautyworld. Never miss an episode by subscribing here.
Unlike most YouTube hosts, I was a pretty late bloomer when it comes to beauty. Growing up, I had no interest in makeup; my cosmetics bag consisted of hand-me-downs and samples saved only for special occasions like ballet recitals. I take after my mom, who's never worn a stitch of foundation in her entire life.
Still, despite adding a bit of eyeshadow and lipstick into her rotation, my mother's daily routine is still pretty minimal. Mine, on the other hand, consists of 14 steps that I repeat like clockwork each morning. With Mother's Day less than a week away, my mom and I decided to swap routines for three days in an attempt to see how the other side lives. Press play above to see how we fared.
"The Pope wears Prada," began head Costume Institute curator Andrew Bolton on Monday as he delivered his remarks at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The reference is from an old Newsweek headline that drew attention to the cherry red loafers Pope Benedict XVI became known for (in addition to a pair of Gucci shades) and painted him as Catholicism's premier fashion icon. It was a cheeky transition into the point of this year's Met Gala theme: how fashion and religion are connected.
Ahead of tonight's event, the 66-year old British curator had his work cut out for him. For years, the museum has revived the works of artists like Elsa Schiaparelli, Alexander McQueen, Paul Poiret, and more, and enlightened our interpretations of brands whose legacies may have lost their founders but never their appeal. If Anna Wintour is the right arm of the annual event (the museum's president Daniel H. Weiss being the left), it's Bolton who is the brain behind the operation.
For those who are invested in The Met's biggest show beyond what celebrities wear, here's what makes the Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination expo so intriguing: The fact that it's the museum's largest fashion exhibition to date is half the story — that they pulled it off without getting political speaks volumes. ("No comment" is a comment, after all.)
But this year's Heavenly Bodies expo is its own separation of church and state. The show is split into two parts, between the Met Cloisters and the museum on Fifth Avenue, with most of the fashion representing monastic orders and sacraments on display at the medieval Upper Manhattan structure, and the liturgical and papal vestments from the Vatican being shown in the Anna Wintor Costume Center, the Medieval and Byzantine Art area, and the Robert Lehman Wing of the main museum. The Vatican's only request was that the 40-odd pieces they loaned were displayed separately from the fashion. It's here where Bolton found his hook: to hype up the imagination of Catholicism without using fashion to interpret all parts of the controversial religion, such as secrecy, rebellion, sexuality, and more.
"Fundamentally, the show is about beauty and creativity. As a curator, you're always fascinated by what propels an artist's vision but I never thought it was religion," Bolton tells Refinery29. "There are other factors that you'd think would do that, like identity, but I never really thought it'd be religion that'd generate one's creative impulses. The designers who are in the show grew up Catholic, so they have a very particular way of looking at the world and fashion." For those wondering where the darker sides to the exhibition are located, they'll be foiled to find that the point of this year's exhibit is less of a look at how fashion can smash its own mirrors, so to speak, but, as Bolton claims, to tell a story.
Photo: Gary Gershoff/WireImage.
"The show is about storytelling," he begins, when asked if the current era that fashion is in — its pursuit of truth, its weakening connection to the real world, its identity crisis — will ever be reflected in the Costume Institute's halls. "As we know, there is a great amount of storytelling happening in the world. But this storytelling is actually based on something beautiful, honest, and truthful. Hopefully that's something people will take away from it."
Bolton adds that it's exhibitions like the ones at The Met that preserve fashion's history, and that as a curator, the possibility of reverting back to culture wars, circa 1980s, is a terrifying thought that, given the current administration, could soon be reality. If the past informs the present and the present enlightens the past, as Bolton believes, that makes the Met Gala the ultimate platform for proving that fashion, from any decade, holds contemporary relevance. So when it comes to the cataloguing and documentation of fashion nothing can touch the Met Gala's annual exhibition — especially not politics.
Where this year's Heavenly Bodies lacks in context, it certainly — with theatrical know-how and the support of the Catholic Church — makes up for in beauty. So, perhaps Bolton's story isn't finished.
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The way that skin-care obsessives talk about taking your makeup off before bed, you'd think leaving so much as a trace of mascara behind is a crime punishable by death. And while the bottom line is that, yes, you should be washing your face at night, for the non-cleansing contingent, old habits die hard.
So, instead of buying yet another face wash that'll collect dust in your bathroom cabinet while you drift off to sleep fully made-up once again, go deep. Ask yourself, why? Do you find it impossible to remember, and only have that lightbulb moment once you're already well under the covers? Or is it a case of finding the process a bit defeating, because you still always seem to wake up with errant mascara stains on your pillowcase?
Perhaps only once you get to the source will you find a solution. If you're the forgetful sort, that solution might be keeping makeup wipes, or a few cotton pads and micellar water, on your bedside table. You don't need a mirror, or running water, so you can just remove everything from the comfort of your bed and toss it all in the morning. And if you just can't seem to get all your makeup off, no matter how hard you try, you need a stronger, more efficient makeup remover to streamline the process for you. A thorough cleanse with a powerful yet non-irritating formula, like Clinique's cult-classic Take The Day Off Makeup Remover, will make the process that much quicker, getting you in bed that much faster.
There's a reason that removing your makeup before bed is so important, and it's not just to keep sales of makeup remover on the up and up. Your skin goes through its most important regenerative processes at night, shedding dead skin cells and cycling them out for new ones. Makeup impedes that natural exfoliation process, so your skin becomes increasingly duller over time. And if you're not taking off your makeup, chances are you don't have a nightly skin-care routine — which, depending on your skin type and concerns, might be one factor standing between you and great skin.
And aside from just the makeup, celebrity facialist Teresa Tarmey says there's another thing that can build up on your skin: grime and pollution. "The makeup and dirt clogs pores, potentially leading to a breakout, especially if there's any kind of silicone or oil in your makeup," she says. "The skin works its magic at night, and it will really absorb any products left on the skin."
Part of the reason that skin-care professionals and beauty experts are so evangelical about cleansing is that once you understand the skin's fundamental needs, and see the benefits of treating it right, it's hard to ignore the damage that neglecting it can do. Aesthetic doctor David Jack even says he considers cleansing and exfoliating more important than moisturizing, which should give you an idea of the magnitude. Your skin needs to slough off dead skin cells, and sleeping in your makeup impedes that process — meaning you're going to have a lot of congestion on the skin. This renewal process is also how your skin regenerates collagen and elastin, which keeps it looking fresh and bouncy.
The other variable, as Tarmey touched upon, is pollution. We're only just starting to understand how damaging it can be to the skin — there's reason to believe it could even be as detrimental as UV rays. Plus, we already know that there’s a higher incidence of acne in high air-pollution areas, and that pollution seems to be able to interfere with the skin’s barrier function. So no, the importance of washing off your makeup at night is not a conspiracy invented to sell makeup remover. If you still don't buy it, that's your call... but do be sure to give your face a very thorough wash in the morning.
When it comes to beauty, your typical red carpet comes with a very specific set of parameters: makeup that looks fresh and light, hair that doesn't look too "done," and nothing that will compete with the clothing. The Met Gala is the exact opposite.
At the annual Metropolitan Museum of Art benefit, you'll see some of the wildest hairstyles and beauty looks imaginable — no limits are restricted here. Which means that queens like Zendaya, Rihanna, and Solange often use their God-given texture to make a statement — and you'd better believe that they use it to the max.
To celebrate tonight's annual event — and all the inspired beauty looks we'll be seeing later tonight — we've rounded up some of our favorite textured looks from past years. Ahead, see some of the best Black hairstyles to hit the red carpeted steps.
Yep, Naomi Campbell had great hair in 1990, too — with honey blonde streaks to boot.
Photo: The LIFE Picture Collection/Getty Images.
Iman's finger waves and white flowers remind us of the Roaring Twenties, instead of 2003 (in a good way, of course).
Photo: Evan Agostini/Getty Images.
"I’m never not chasing this one out the door before an event," Lacy Redway Instagrammed this 2015 throwback of Jourdan Dunn. " I will use [every] last second if I need to and touch you up anywhere... by the elevator, on the sidewalk, and clearly in a busy hotel lobby with zero care!" And she's serious — check out this video of Redway finishing the ends of Dunn's braids right before carpet time.
Photo: Rabbani and Solimene Photography/Getty Images.
"One of my favorite looks is [from] the Met Gala in 2016, with deep purple hair," Takisha Sturdivant-Drew once told us. "We were like, 'This is the time to play because we'll never have this chance at an awards show.' We went for it with the purple. And no, we didn't dye her hair. I used extensions from my line, TSD Hair. I buy virgin hair and color it myself."
Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty Images.
Marcia Hamilton took inspiration from Breakfast at Tiffany's for Willow Smith's 2016 bejeweled bun.
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images.
As Rihanna put it, Zendaya looked like a "brown goddess" with her blown-out Afro-textured hair and orange lip color at the 2017 gala.
Photo: Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images.
You already know that Nikki Nelms pulled out some mean accessories for Janelle Monáe's pixie in 2017.
Photo: John Shearer/Getty Images.
Rihanna, queen of the Met Gala, gave us such fabulous texture in 2014 — and studded her curly pony with diamond pins, natch.
Photo: John Lamparski/Getty Images.
We'll never get over the fact that Beyoncé's 2015 ponytail only took five minutes to complete. (Yep, five.)
Photo: James Devaney/GC Images.
The theme in 2013 was punk, so Chanel Iman dyed the ends of her hair pink...
Photo: Lars Niki/Corbis/Getty Images.
... while Solange went more literal with things. She's Afro-punk, get it?
Photo: Lars Niki/Corbis/Getty Images.
Redway crowned Amandla Stenberg with a metallic Lelet headband, in what the stylist includes in her Met top 10.
Photo: Larry Busacca/Getty Images.
Hairstylist Vernon François took inspiration from traditional African hairstyles for Lupita Nyong'o's 2016 sculptural 'do.
Photo: Rabbani and Solimene Photography/Getty Images.
Like what you see? How about some more R29 goodness, right here?
The home pages of Pornhub, Etsy, and Reddit will look a little different this Wednesday, May 9. The unlikely trio, along with 36 other companies, will join in a "red alert, " calling on the Senate to block the FCC's decision to repeal net neutrality.
A brief refresher: Net neutrality rules have existed since 2015, when the FCC put them in place under President Obama to ensure that all online content loads at the same speed and has an equal chance of being seen. The rules prevent internet service providers, such as Verizon and Time Warner, from acting as internet gatekeepers and prioritizing higher-paying apps and websites.
In December, the FCC voted to repeal the rules, a decision viewed as catastrophic by many in tech, the music industry, and elsewhere in government. Then, in March, Senate Democrats introduced a resolution against the repeal. On Wednesday, as senators present a petition to force a vote on the resolution, the red alert goes live. So far, 50 senators have expressed their support, meaning that only one more vote is needed for the resolution to go to the House of Representatives.
The red alert, hosted by Free Press Action Fund, Fight for the Future, and Demand Congress, is calling on individuals to contact Congress in a show of support for the resolution. Companies supporting the effort will post red banners online, both on their websites and on social media. This is not the first time companies have rallied behind net neutrality: Silicon Valley powerhouses including Google, Twitter, and Facebook joined the Net Neutrality Day of Action last summer.
For a look at where your senators and representatives stand on the issue and to contact them directly, head here.
